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| SnowdropExplodes |
on Fri 10 Dec 04, 12:29 PM to SnowdropExplodes's blog.
First of all, let me say that the following is going to be a serious bitchfest, and if the person to whom it refers is reading this then I apologise in advance, and advise you to stop reading now! Or, if you are brave, you can skip to the end paragraph, where my true feelings are expressed more clearly. The rest of this is written in a spirit of cathartic extreme bitterness, and is not pretty...
The cruelty of which a sub is capable! Having "e- met" almost as soon as I joined, someone who seemed like a perfect partner for me, I was excited as things advanced at quite an alarming rate. We wrote long emails to one another, and engaged in some mindgames in some of them, we seemed to be getting on well. then we exchanged phone numbers and spoke to one another like that, exchanging intimate details and agreeing to meet today, and as things progressed, we began talking as if the simple get-to-know-you chat was going to lead on to other things. Intimate details were exchanged and everything seemed to be accelerating towards at the very least a nice dinner date, and just possibly if we hit it off, to something a lot more exciting afterwards. I made her promise to make sure people knew where she was at all times, because a lack of caution can be dangerous, especially in this sort of game. But everything looked rosy.
Then today I checked my emails, full of joy at the impending date, to find a message from her with the subject line "Urgent". My heart plummeted, knowing that it would be a cancellation, and not knowing when we would both be free to arrange a new meeting time. I imagined that some important business had come up, or that she was feeling too poorly to make it.
It was a far different kettle of fish. She had been leading me up the garden path! She said that she had left her previous Dom not long ago, and that he still believed he would return to him. That she had said nothing to disabuse him of this notion, and that she was not yet over her relationship with him - that it would feel like cheating to meet with someone else. During all that build-up, getting to know me, this had been in the background the whole time, and she let me believe that she was completely free and happy, that there was no impediment to our getting together. I had only really started to let myself believe that I had finally found the sub for me the night before, as we chatted on the phone about last-minute arrangements for our meeting. But all the time, she was hiding this emotional ball-and-chain from me. I would not have been so upset had I just known that there was a chance that this would happen, had I just been aware of the likelihood of her pulling out. I am used to that from other areas of my life.
Oh, the cruelty of which a sub is capable! To be able to promise so much, only to snatch it away at the last second! I hope, if she returns to her ex- Dom, that he punishes her long and hard for leaving him in the first place, so that she is sore for weeks on end.
Alas, I am too understanding at heart to do this to
her if she decides in the end that she has finished
with him for good, and comes crawling back to me.
I know how difficult her situation must be for her,
and I will not have the heart to punish her simply for
doing as she felt she must. I would just have to
find another reason to leave her sore for weeks on
end 
Edited Fri 10 Dec 04, 1:04 PM by SnowdropExplodes
