This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Fri 14 Jan 11, 6:00 PM Romantic_sub UK, 6 yrs  |
Hello everyone, I wanted to ask your opinon on one thing that may regard many fetishist. That is pornography on the web. thanks to it I discovered, back in 1999, that other people in the world had the same kink! I think I developed what I think might be a porn-dependency and today my girlfriend discovered that I browse porn and she felt terribly betrayed. For the moment I presented my apologies and reassured her that she is the only one for me. She is pretty much hurt I think, I guess now I should just keep quiet and wait for her to take her time and reflect upon it. I would treasure your opinion on it, may I ask I would you feel if your boyfriend was addicted to pornography?
So you are a fisherman uh...what do you catch mostly? Fish (Blood Diamond 2006) | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:05 PM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs        |
This always interests me, as I think most guys have the opinion that ANYTHING on the internet is distant, therefore fair game - from porn to cybering to an actual relationship. If they haven't "met" them, they seem to think it is ok. Personally...as for porn only. It could make a person feel insufficient, not pretty enough, adventurous enough and constantly compared to those in the film.... I wouldn't call it "betrayal", but noone likes to be compared, I think. ETA: And I agree with others - a lot depends on the time spent doing it. If it is taking priority over your relationship with her, then she might have a point... "Strip!" Edited 14 Jan 11, 6:55 PM by Ama_Sidero | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:11 PM pilsburyDB 19 mths |
Tbh porn and my habit of looking at it was partly to blame for the breakdown of my marriage.... She took it as though it meant she want enough and what I was looking at was what I was really after! I said it was just porn but it didn't help Do I care? Do I fuck, I'm on a roll!!! | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:14 PM wastrel UK(TS), 5 yrs |
Why did you apologise? Did you think you had done something wrong or were you just feeling guilty that something you had done had upset her? Why shouldn't you have the right to look at pictures that give you pleasure? How is that betrayal?
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| 14 Jan 11, 6:20 PM fellatrix UK, 2 yrs |
Personally, I thought all men like to watch a bit of porn so that wouldn't bother me at all. But a couple of points: You say you are addicted to porn? Do you really think it is an addiction? I would have thought that any addiction is by definition potentially detrimental to a relationship so I don't think I'd be too happy if my partner had any addiction. You said you discovered through porn that others shared your kink. This suggests to me that your relationship with your gf doesn't involve kink. If this is the case she may be upset not about the porn per se, but by the discovery that you are some kind of weird pervert. | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:24 PM forest123 UK(EX), 19 mths |
The problem as I see it is the discovery of something that was hidden. Before she thought she was the only one for you, now she is not so sure. Was your gf aware of the kink or has she only just found out by seeing the type of stuff you are looking at. You can get addicted to porn but equally it has its place in the world in moderation and in a relationship if partners are aware of it. Tough choices ahead I think either to bring it into the open or try and close pandoras box and we all know how hard that is | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:30 PM x_zero_x UK(DD), 10 yrs |
Not all of us enjoy porn to be fair "The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~Friedrich Nietzsche | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:33 PM pilsburyDB 19 mths |
I do Do I care? Do I fuck, I'm on a roll!!! | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:35 PM Solicitous_Sadist 17 mths |
It's so often a problem, particularly if one's other half does not feel perfectly happy with themselves or perfectly assured of the security of the relationship. It would be interesting to discover if the "injured" party in these situations would feel as badly if their partner was viewing cartoon pornography as opposed to the photographic/video variety. How about if they were reading erotic fiction? I suspect this would not be seen as so great a so-called betrayal, yet the reasons why one might make use of any of the above are pretty much all the same. | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:35 PM MisstressBond21 UK(SG), 22 mths |
I don't see why looking at porn is a betrayal, as long as you are/were still meeting her sexual needs. | ||
| 14 Jan 11, 6:45 PM Red_Nic UK(B), 3 yrs |
How much time are you spending looking at porn? Is this time disrupting other areas of your life, ie time spent with girlfiend, work, social life? If you're addicted to the detriment of other things then that is very different from just enjoying porn. Have you asked her why she feels hurt? If she's suddenly discovered a big part of your life that you've hidden from her then the main betrayal could well be more to do with that than the porn itself. |
