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Posted by billybofh
on Sun 24 Feb 02, 4:54 PM to billybofh's blog.
Someone (IC name : cruellady - ::waves:: "hello") asked me this morning if I had considered the possibility of having Attention Deficit Disorder....
Well, to be honest, I hadn't... I've considered plenty of other mental/psychological illnesses, but never that one... So, I looked up a symptom checklist.........
Now, having had her response to my response, she has
kindly given permission to use it on here... 
(well, I think she has..... Apologies abound if I wasn't supposed to include your response.........)
AD/HD Diagnostic criteria are as follows:
Inattention: ------------
1. often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities
-> Depends what the punishment is for making mastakes
CL - subject presents with masochistic tendencies making diagnosis problematic
2. often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities
-> Oh no - my attention during play activities is
_excellent_ 
CL - BDSM play would not be an ethically sound treatment in majority of cases
3. often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
-> I'm listening to the other voices.... the ones just
for me... the ones that tell me to do bratty
things......
CL - mild schizophrenia - suspect subject has attitude problems and 'switch' leanings. Corrective treatment with a nice cane should sort this out
4. often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions)
-> See (1) and (3)
CL - this lad would *not* make a good domestic Slave, ladies
5. often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
-> Nah. Well, there was that piss-up in a brewery for the disabled children they tried to get me to do.... But I won't go into that 'cos I'm still trying to pay off the bill for damaged wheelchairs.....
CL - subject teetering on the cusp of good taste - treat as (3)
6. often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework)
-> Trying to say I'm lazy now, eh? Hmph...... This alone has takes 6 or 7 minutes so far.
CL - subject fails to mention that at the time of writing he was also messily eating a Pot Noodle, brushing the cat and playing Unreal Tournament
7. often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books or tools)
-> I never lose toys. Even nasty torture ones like pencils and "tools".......
CL - suspect however that subject would 'lose' batteries for 10" strap on ...
8. is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
-> They do keep flashing those bright lights in my eyes.... "Tell us! Tell US!" they say.... then they flash the lights again.... I'm scared of them sometimes - and it _is_ very distracting....
CL - subject presents with symptoms outwith expertise of analyst - thinks he's Harry Palmer - recommended immediate removal of video club card and psychiatric diagnosis
9. is often forgetful in daily activities
-> Nope - I have an annoying habit of being able to
remember details of conversations I've had with people
10 years ago (especially if I happen to be able to win a
pointless argument in a pub with them...
CL - excellent long term memory a classic and inconvenient symptom of ADHD - e.g "You told me you'd love me forever at 12.05am on Saturday 11th October 1997, and now you want to leave me?"
Hyperactivity-Impulsivity -------------------------
1. often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat
-> Oh aye.....
CL - subject probably struggling with 'erection in tight jeans' syndrome
2. often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected
-> Never really one to have followed the crowd... what
can I say.......
CL - easily remedied by tying subject to chair
3. often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness)
-> It's the blue smarties I tell you!
CL - recommend dominant also takes blue smartie to keep up
4. often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly
-> Well, you trying staying quiet when someone has clamped your nipples and is waving a coctail stick at you with a menacing look on their face......
CL - gagging usually fixes this
5. is often "on the go" or often acts as "driven by a motor"
-> Yes - that's how I maintain my svelt athletic physique...... (ha!)
CL - subject over-compensates for weight loss by eating too much?
6. often talks excessively
-> Got me there....
CL - treat as (4)
7. often blurts out answers before questions have been complet...
-> No! No!
CL - treat as (4)
8. often has difficulty awaiting turn
-> Goddam right - all those old ladies in supermarkets trying to pay for 800 cans of kittiefood using 4-year out-of-date coupons from a different supermaket! Grrrrrrrr!
CL - laying a trail of Polo mints to the bus stop gets them out of the shop - works for me
9. often interrupts or intrudes on others
-> My brief burglary career went horribly wrong due to my hyperactivity, shouting and lack of attention spa...... Oh... look at those....
CL - extremely uncool to burgle house of fellow BDSMer
Conclusion Subject's jaw-dropping impudence requires round the clock attention from three Dommes working in shifts with pinwheels and paddles. Restrict subject's access to Class Three drugs. Restrict subject's ability to speak. Restrict subject's access to spy movies. Just restrict him, dammit, before he wears holes in all your carpets and you have to take a rest-cure for exhaustion.
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Edited Sun 24 Feb 02, 5:06 PM by billybofh
