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24/7 and normality (81)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

3 Jan 11, 11:48 AM
ClassAct2005
UK(N), 7 yrs

And I was thinking - how sexy.

teach_me wrote:

anne_marie wrote:
So 24/7 and so normal. Sat here wearing leather harness and butt plug waiting for Him to come home from work.

see now personally i don't get that ... if any of that is involved ... he'd best be doing it lol ... like being tied up and him going off to watch the telly ... doesn't do it for me ... by the time he came back i'd be bored stupid ... or asleep .... and i'd when free i'd be so gone lol

3 Jan 11, 11:55 AM
The_Majickian
UK(SW), 9 yrs

Empress_Martine wrote:
No this is the response I often get when a sub or dom discovers that I am a switch. Most subs are okay with me but the odd one takes offence.

If you don't mind my butting in here (and even if you do, for I have already done it), it seems to me that most people don't "get" switchcraft. But as far as I am concerned it makes perfect sense; after all, if - as has often been postulated by greater minds than mine - it is better for a Dom/me to have had experience as a sub, and vice-versa, so as to know the, ahem, ropes, and the person likes both attitudes, then it makes sense for them to do switch. Besides, is BDSM about the role or the person? I venture to suggest the person, so anyone coming at me with figurative cast iron shackles which I have to contort myself impossibly to wear isn't likely to get very far with me. Then again, that sort of person would probably be better with the nearest Aston Martin, post box or hospital trolley, which they can mash and mangle to their heart's content.

Holmes: Meretricious
Lestrade: And a happy new year

3 Jan 11, 2:31 PM
Szymanowski
SZ, 18 mths

curvy_bottom wrote:

petit_chat wrote:
I think if you do something over and over it loses its charm a little x

Szymanowski wrote:
Yes, and in this brave new mobile world, doesn't "24/7" have that ohhhhhh-so-familiar jobbing ring?

Thanks but no thanks... Hey, baby, where's the sleep button?

For us, it isn't anything "like too much of a good thing", nor "doing the same thing over and over'. It's just life: lived differently.

Only insofar as any life is doing the same things repeatedly - you get up, go to work, make dinner, feed cats, maybe read or watch a film, go to sleep, get up, go to work, etc. So the bdsm life isn't 24/7 beatings or whatever - but it is an ongoing dynamic.

If you mean for your daily play session or whatever, then yes, it would be less charming if he came in, tied you up, beat you senseless (or whatever your thing is) and the next day (and the next, and the next) did just that.

People are different; they do things differently. Why not appreciate the differences rather than wanting everyone to fit into to same little boxes?

Sorry all... Yes, of course you're right, we're all different and I didn't want to judge other people's desires, fantasies or lifestyles. It's just that when I hear the expression "24/7", in whatever context, I tend to start looking around for cover... But maybe that's just me

Edited 3 Jan 11, 2:35 PM by Szymanowski

3 Jan 11, 2:59 PM
Pinderella
UK, 2 yrs

Ama_Sidero wrote:

nimue_in_the_woods wrote:

The point of the '24/7' submission discussed here that really fries my brains is, for those who say "and she/he has the final say", what would happen if the decision they made was absolutely, truly and definitively wrong, or something you simply could not accept? Something injurious to your hopes or beliefs? What happens then? How do you resolve it? Is it that something in your make-up values the 'belonging' above all other things and thus this is not a great issue?

For myself, I have been there and I know that there are things I could neither accept nor forgive. Thus I question whether I am submissive at all in the D/s sense. (Sexually submissive, yes, no question, but without that deeper and more permanent linkage sexual jollies seem just so pointless. Not critising anyone, that's just how it is for me.)

In lifestyle 24/7 this usually wouldn't happen, tbh. Because the dynamic is so ongoing, there is discussion and people generally know where the other person is coming from. For example, I'm not going to make a decision against the advice of a sub who has far superior knowledge in an area. That would just be stupid, wouldn't it? And, if I DO decide otherwise, I explain why - they might not still agree with me, but accept it.

A responsible Dom wouldn't make a decision that is genuinely HARMFUL. There is always the "duty of care" responsibility to ensure the wellbeing of a sub.

I don't think it has to do with the level of submissiveness but the match of people and their expectations - and the communications.

I agree with this. In my former Owner/Mistress' service, one of my duties was to advise her if & when I thought she might have mis-judged a situation, or failed to take something into account. She didn't (& doesn't) pretend to be infallible, which isn't to suggest that I am either, but being older, I've had more experience of lots of things, BDSm and Vanilla. My Mistress always listened carefully to what I had to say, weighed up the relevant pros & cons, then came to a decision. It was a matter of having the data from which to draw valid conclusions really. She is far from stupid, and so was hardly prone to make catastrophic mistakes. I trusted her instincts too, which are wonderful. This does all come down to compatibility, at the end of the day. I wouldn't choose to be owned by an idiot. No disrespect to the intellectually challenged is implied. It's not snobbery, it's continued health and safety..

3 Jan 11, 5:32 PM
reacher
UK, 17 mths

ClassAct2005 wrote:
If your question is is it submissive to do things for your partner in a vanilla or indeed D/s relationship the answer is no. It's called normal human kindness and plenty of doms have a lot of it too. In a way I think dominance is care and if a sub just wants to be treated badly and get nothing back then she should get therapy. Don't accept a dynamic where you're simply hurt and exploited and made to feel bad. Not everyone will agree however and their dynamic might be totally lazy male dom who doesn't even work and sb working all day and then coming home to do a second shift of chores. Not a good dynamic for most of us though.

Then you get cultures where men are idle so and sos and women are badly exploited. The planet is full of them although we are gradually getitng rid of them thankfully. That's not D/s either.

The distinction is when the submission causes both parties to feel aroused for me anyway.

reacher wrote:

ClassAct2005 wrote:
I don't think there's a disparity. Yes, presumably most of us who are submissive want that - to do what he says whenever but separately from that if he decided he was giving up sex for life or going to spend one day a year with us and the other 364 with 364 women or cut off our legs then reason would kick in and we'd find a better man.

If instead he's just making us submit to XYZ practice or be quiet when he says but we wanted to talk then that's fine - you can put up with that because in the context of the relationship he's in charge. Indeed even vanilla couples all the time do things they don't want because they love the other person whether that's enduring the mother in law or spending 4 hours holding the screaming baby between 12 and 4am so the mother can get some sleep.

So, in the cases above, whats the line between vanilla and submissive? Or do the former not know they are the latter?

thanks

4 Jan 11, 11:17 AM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

ClassAct2005 wrote:
And I was thinking - how sexy.

teach_me wrote:

anne_marie wrote:
So 24/7 and so normal. Sat here wearing leather harness and butt plug waiting for Him to come home from work.

what can i say ... i get bored easily ... i feel much the same about cages too ....

bed in a cage, kettle sweeties, remote control for the telly and laptop ... i could probably cope for 10 mins or so lol

i suppose i just don't get the point of me being tied up .... alone ... if i'm gonna be tied up .... i kinda figure he should be there to take advantage of it lol

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

Edited 4 Jan 11, 11:21 AM by teach_me

4 Jan 11, 11:30 AM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs

teach_me wrote:
if i'm gonna be tied up .... i kinda figure he should be there to take advantage of it lol

The point might be just to get a quiet half hour or so

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

Edited 4 Jan 11, 11:31 AM by Belasarius

4 Jan 11, 11:31 AM
ClassAct2005
UK(N), 7 yrs

Most people have fairly limited time so won't be tying up a sub for long periods but a bit of waiting and not knowing when something will end is quite erotic. It's the uncertainty of it and the fact you're totally under his power. Although I agree with you about time. I don't even go into shops most of the time as I regard shopping as almost a theft of time.

teach_me wrote:

ClassAct2005 wrote:
And I was thinking - how sexy.

teach_me wrote:

anne_marie wrote:
So 24/7 and so normal. Sat here wearing leather harness and butt plug waiting for Him to come home from work.

what can i say ... i get bored easily ... i feel much the same about cages too ....

bed in a cage, kettle sweeties, remote control for the telly and laptop ... i could probably cope for 10 mins or so lol

i suppose i just don't get the point of me being tied up .... alone ... if i'm gonna be tied up .... i kinda figure he should be there to take advantage of it lol

4 Jan 11, 12:08 PM
Taintedinnocence
UK(S), 6 yrs

Belasarius wrote:

teach_me wrote:
if i'm gonna be tied up .... i kinda figure he should be there to take advantage of it lol

The point might be just to get a quiet half hour or so

Yup - my Master uses my cage to help me to relax, and sometimes to get me out of His way when He wants "Man time"

5 Jan 11, 12:58 AM
pinkylucy
UK(M), 9 yrs

One of the things I love about a D/s relationship (or 24/7 or O&P, or whatever you want to call an ongoing or permanant dynamic) is that it transforms so much of normality into something *more*. We all have day to day tasks that have to be done, but in a D/s relationship there is the potential for them to be more exciting, or more satisfying or more meaningful etc.

So, for example, 'having a quick lunch' isn't just having a quick lunch. It can start with me remembering to offer her lunch because I realise she hasn't eaten yet. She enjoys my attentiveness and I take pleasure in offering her my service.

The making of the food provides opportunity to learn more about her preferences or to show my attention to detail. Making and serving her food first reenforces my submission which makes me feel good. She enjoys having everything done her way down to the last detail and she enjoys relaxing instead of doing something she'd rather not do.

Underlying it all is the knowledge that if anything in the entire process isn't pleasing to her she has the right to chastise or punish me which is exciting to us both.

Seeing the contented smile on her face when I please her with my submission can make me jump for joy. The beauty of a D/s relationship is that normal life provides endless opportunities for these happy exchanges. Yes, of course, a good section of it is as dull for us as it is for anyone else,(sometimes she even makes her own sandwiches ) but I love the thread which runs through normal life in a D/s dynamic, adding a little sparkle to mundane moments.

"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973

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