This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sat 1 Jan 11, 12:07 PM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
In this thread http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/293696/ , the notions some people have on 24/7 popped up again.
I dindt want to derail that thread, so a new question. @Belasarius wrote:
That basically is the same for me. D/s or 24/7 is, at least for me (almost boringly) "normal". We both have responsabities; family members we have to take care of, jobs, pets, volunteering, friends, hobbies, etc etc. teach_me wrote:
Surprise, he doesnt. It would, IMO, be practically impossible and utterly tiring, plus time consuming to have a 24/7 relationship if that would be the case. So it is not so much the case that he tells me what to do (or is into micro management), but the fact that I know all too well what he expects of me, and that when I'm in doubt, we agreed that his decision counts. Perhaps this is 24/7 "light", I dunno. But, as far as I can see (and from the people that I know, personally, that define as into 24/7), 24/7 is far more "normal" or "vanilla" than kinky, actually. I would like to know how other couples that define as 24/7 feel about this, or how "normal" your life actually is?
Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash. (Harriet Rubin) Edited Sat 1 Jan 11, 12:12 PM by othyim | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 12:18 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs        |
This feels like us. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 2:00 PM teach_me UK(OL), 6 yrs |
i do tend to over simplify and make light hearted comments (or type crap  )
... i know what is expected ... but i am me ... i just like a nice normal relationship where i have an equal say ... i'm far too independent to have someone in overall control ... other than me ... but sex is a different matter .... i have worked my way through and i know what makes me happy ... and getting my own way works for me, i have the ultimate say over my life and won't defer to someone else... and thats it ... hence i am a really crap sub lol ... but then i've never pretended to be anything else Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it Edited 1 Jan 11, 2:02 PM by teach_me | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 2:03 PM Hiswhore 2 yrs |
teach_me wrote:
Surprise, he doesnt. It would, IMO, be practically impossible and utterly tiring, plus time consuming to have a 24/7 relationship if that would be the case. So it is not so much the case that he tells me what to do (or is into micro management), but the fact that I know all too well what he expects of me, and that when I'm in doubt, we agreed that his decision counts. I would like to know how other couples that define as 24/7 feel about this, or how "normal" your life actually is? [/quote] i agree. i am not forever being bossed around because i know what He wants and expects. That doesn't mean that He doesn't from time to time -- well, quite often! -- give a tug on the chain to remind me who's in charge, but much of day to day life was settled long ago and needs no further instruction. That being said, the "tugs on the chain" are vital for both He and i -- they are the reminders of the power exchange that forms the bedrock of O/our relationship. Hiswhore. ETA: i did a lousy job on quoting the message i was responding to. It is a response to othyim. Apologies. Edited 1 Jan 11, 2:06 PM by Hiswhore | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 2:07 PM teach_me UK(OL), 6 yrs |
compromise works for me ... as long as he can compromise too, thats fine ... i recently ended my relationship, not because of him trying to rule my life ... but because he wasn't prepared to meet in the middle on something that wasn't working for me .... so much as everything else was great ... i walked .... i'm not prepared to do something that makes me miserable, just cos that makes him happy. Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 2:19 PM devourmymind_body UK, 7 yrs |
" Normality now what is that?...it is with out definition as we are all different - however in saying that there are generic norms and values that exist in society; so i assume you are refering to them, and the balance of a 24/7 D/s relationship. Been there, got the t-shirt. For me it was really a great relationship with lots of kinky sex...however with out the initmamcy of love, laughter and respect, it would never have worked for me. I had my very sub side at home, and always defered, well unless he was being a complete nob head, and i would then tell him straight. always best to be honest...dont cha think? I have litte regrets, learnt a lot about me self, so even though its done and dusted a few years ago- if i ever need to look back , i do so positively...But what the hell - life is about looking forward, so Happy New Year. ....if it works go with the flow, Grow, laugh and love. KBSS
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| 1 Jan 11, 2:21 PM Richtea UK(BN), 2 yrs  |
Wholeheartedly agree with this.^^
I may be in the gutter, but I am looking at the bars. | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 4:05 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
I have a horrible suspicion I am prepared to do so. Bloody hell. Think I'll just go and have my name changed by deed poll to "Doormat". Depends what, of course. And how miserable. And how happy he'd be. Just a few caveats, then.
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| 1 Jan 11, 4:20 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
Totally and utterly disagree with this. I am at H's whim. I do what I do when I want to, but when he wants me to do something, I do it, whether I like it or not. I'm here now typing cos he said, 'you can have half an hour on the pooter, then I'll find something else for you to do.' And that's how it is. I may be reading my book, and he'll say 'put the book down' and ask me to do whatever. Or, as earlier in the day, I'm exercising on the wobbly machine we have, and he's got weighted gloves on and he's smacking my arse when I'd rather he didn't. I exist to please him. I don't actively want my arse smacked, I'm neither a masochist, a door mat, a house slave nor a do-me sub. This conformity has lasted for 20years. It floats both our boats. As for debating what makes 24/7, I'd say s4 hour shops re open 24/7. 24/7 is a ridiculous and ineffectual phrase which cannot have any meaning to a relationship, and who gives a hoot about it anyway. You are what you are. I make him happy. Making him happy makes me happy. And I like the attention. | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 4:41 PM Richtea UK(BN), 2 yrs |
While I take on board everything you say, it's the last line that is the most telling. As making him happy, in whatever way he chooses, makes you happy, then surely, by definition, you can't be miserable?
I may be in the gutter, but I am looking at the bars. | |||
| 1 Jan 11, 4:46 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
It depends on the extent of the misery. Relationships should be life enhancing and make people happy. I like submitting to someone I respect even if some of the things I might not like but if the relationship as whole were not right (not enough control, no rules, not really Ds in a way I need) then even if the dom were very happy with me I would still not think we'd be compatible. It's a very interesting point. Dom 100% happy, sub not getting the type of 24/7 she wants so she suggested XYZ might help (a few rules which are followed through etc)
(help to keep her in or building the relationship) dom doesn't want that.... he's happy, she's not and she doesn't want to control him of course anyway so the issue is lack of compatibility not being right. If I feel submissive to a man, very deeply so, then I don't turn that on and off and I would know he can make me do what he says whenever he says but in practice he wouldn't always exercise that right (eg if he stopped a work thing which was booked it would be a massive commitment on his part to replace lost income, future business reputation etc so he'd be an idiot to insist on it). If he wanted me never to get proper sleep and sleep cold on the floor well that's fine if he wants me to give up all work, he support my family and life style and let me sleep all afternoon to make up... in other words one hopes most dominant men have enough sense not to impose silly things which might damage the sub.
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