This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Mon 20 Dec 10, 5:32 PM reacher UK, 17 mths  |
I have been reading the board and its seems that a number of people (I accept this maybe a gross exaggeration on my part) are married but also have a Dom or a sub, outside the primary (or is it secondary relationship!). How does that work for you and how did you make it work with the original partner, or do you have an open relationship? Also if your needs and wants are being fulfilled outside the marriage why stay married to the original person? | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 5:41 PM fellatrix UK, 2 yrs  |
I'm not in such a situation but the cynic in me says it is so you can have your cake and eat it, simple. What I don't understand is why the original person stays in such a marriage (assuming they know their partner has a dom/sub). Disclaimer: I know it does work for some people so please don't shout at me. It just isn't a situation I would like to be in. | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 5:48 PM Kitty_with_Claws UK, 3 yrs |
Reacher, if you haven't read them already you might find one of the many threads on poly relationships useful? They won't apply to everyone in the situation you describe, but you might find aspects of what's discussed there relevant and informative. There is nothing to prove 'cause no-one can lose - But you will do. | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 5:50 PM MissP UK(EN), 8 yrs |
People change, married or not. We expolore and discover things along our ways. It's very possible that what you wanted on your wedding day isn't what you want today. That applies to all things, not just sexually-related ones. Adapt and evolve. Hopefully together, openly and honestly. Having more than 1 partner for anything isn't possible for everybody. I know a lot of people aren't truthful about what they're doing, and I'd agree with the poster above, there is a certain amount of greed and lack of self-control in some instances. But everybody's different. | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 5:50 PM Ouroboros UK(M), 4 yrs |
I always think of chasing Amy when I hear this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBlA_fsi_VE Adama: What do you hear, Starbuck? | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 5:55 PM spankee_1 UK(BH), 8 yrs |
My personal opinion of this is, and i'm sorry if this offends, that it is very much having your cake and eat it, the exception is if the vanilla partner is fully aware and gives their consent, that then is a very different matter. I have had two relationships within this scenario, one where the wife definitely knew as i met her, another where i was told the wife was aware but it became apparent after the relationship ended that she actually had no knowledge at I must make it clear though that i am totally single. | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 5:59 PM El_Presidente UK(G), 4 yrs    |
In the style of a politician, I'll answer the last question first.
For love? For the kids? Maybe for all of the reasons why you married them in the first place? Why would you stop loving someone just because you need something that they can't offer you? (I also answered the question with a series of questions - did you see that?)
I haven't been married, but I have had a sub whilst being in a long-term relationship with another person. It needs a lot of trust and communication to make it work, and it depends on total openness and honesty, but it can work, just so long as the person who is 'left behind' can accept that the secondary relationship doesn't necessarily have to detract from the primary.
Edited 20 Dec 10, 6:00 PM by El_Presidente | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 6:03 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs    |
I have a different take, I have a sub who's my partner, best friend, vanilla boyfriend and slutbitch all rolled into one. But because I'm greedy and I like to watch boy on boy action, I also have as many slutty pretty cute bi men as I can to have fun with. “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 6:34 PM magpieuk UK(LA), 5 yrs      |
I do love the simplicity of this answer "Poor watcher. What's the matter, life flash before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?"-Spike(BtVS, season 6) Episode: Bargaining pt.1 | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 6:36 PM reacher UK, 17 mths |
It was my assumption that there were non-poly but like all assumptions - asses and all that. I guess the reason why it caught me a little unawares was because I also frequent mumsnet - don't ask and there the world is of a single relationship - hence the curiosity. Of course you are right if you can have your cake and eat it why not? I guess I am just one of those serial monogamous types. Thank you all for posting. | ||
| 20 Dec 10, 7:01 PM Attitude_Adjuster UK(N), 6 yrs |
There is a train of thought that says serial monogamy is poly in denial.... And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! |
