 |
| Bambi_x |
This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
Coming into the world of kink has been a daunting experience for me, and Im sure for a lot of others. I started out knowing that I craved something, needed something for a relationship to work.. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to define it, trying to find out what would work for me. (I still am) It's been a long process of self realisation and acceptance. Throughout this time I've experienced different things and felt myself really become comfortable with who I am and what I want and need from BDSM.
I've also made some really good kinky friends. So I was surprised that when I made some decisions and honestly and openly voiced what I'm looking for, that these friends appeared to judge me. Some told me I was crazy, some said they just didn't understand it, some told me I was making poor decisions and they didn't approve of what I was doing, etc etc.
I wasn't seeking praise, or even understanding. Just acceptance. Acceptance for me being myself. Acceptance that I will make my own decisions - if they turn out to be mistakes then I can handle that.
My personality hasn't changed with my friends. I'm still the same girl I always was, I've been there for my friends when they needed me, we've laughed, we've cried - but I've never judged them in their decisions. I suppose I just wanted the same in return.
Some people were wonderful and offered me some really great words of advice, and just because my kinks are different from their doesn't mean the friendship we have is affected.
Meh.. Anyone have any idea what I'm rambling on about? 
| 20 Dec 10, 2:01 PM bootssub UK(G), 7 yrs |
Personally. I think you are the most wonderful friend I always knew. May I give you the most wonderful hugs and kisses. bootssub x | |
| 20 Dec 10, 2:25 PM Bambi_x UK(NW), 2 yrs |
*Hugs you* Thank you sweetheart xxxx
| |
| 20 Dec 10, 6:24 PM Silver_sparkler UK(RH), 18 mths |
Hi Bambi Don't worry about how people have reacted. Thing is this is a very hard thing for a friend to understand because they want the best for you. From my experience, unless they are into it themselves they will not understand and will try steer you clear of it. Naturally we want to express ourselves and tell friends who we are, but people do not like what they cannot understand so you have to be very careful. Alienating friends close to you can be painful and unjustified, but to them perfectly reasonable as they see you in a different light unless they are very open minded. Be happy you have found it and know it is who you are, but sharing your journey is best done on here. P.S your profile name is fab! Best wishes Naomi. | |
| 20 Dec 10, 6:48 PM jackvalentine UK(BN), 2 yrs  |
Hi Bambi, yes fab name btw ... are you finding your feet on that icy pond? I find myself, that I enjoy my kink, but with a very 'spritual' core to it, by which i guess i mean basic human positives such as caring, acceptance and defintely non- judgement. The Buddhists talk about 'acceptance' and 'letting go' as both very important means of having a happy life. If your friends are judging you indeed, thats sad and would make anyone feel sad also.
if YOU can 'accept' that their own opinions are facets of themselves and therefore look within and put the feeling of being judged aside you may all get along fine. We're all flawed, but some of us are looking at the stars, to corrupt a well-known quote! Hugs. xx Jack
"the purpose of life is to live creatively, love and be kind" Anne Rice "Ah but it's being creative in how you do that thats fun. And sometimes you have to be quite firm" JV | |
| 20 Dec 10, 7:35 PM Cagoulion UK, 7 yrs |
You'll usually find that those that make these kinda judgements have some kinda angle, in short their friendship is in some way qualified. That happens a lot in real life and it can happen in kink too. Nobody is immune from it and it's really about sorting out those who are consistantly supportive about making your own choices. There are people who won't judge you but it's sometimes human nature that people want to give what they think is good advice, even if you don't need it, possibly with the misguided view that they are helpful. All people bring their personal prejudices to things. some just hide it better than others........ Make your own mistakes but sometimes hearing how people want to guide you tells you more about them than their words. Rgeards Cag |
