Posted by kesriel on Mon 3 Jan 05, 9:12 AM to kesriel's blog.
i start this year with so much to hope for, so many more things to clutch close to me in the prayer that they might bring me joy and affirmation within this life.
Please forgive my pressumption by posting this weblog as i am very new to this site, indeed, i only became a member a day or so before Christmas and already i have so much to thank You for.
i have met with only kindness, understanding, patience and the promise of new Friendships and a new social calender that might permit me to learn more about myself and to evolve further within the mindset of slavery and of servitude.
i will not take Your time by writing of my personal history as Those Who have permitted me time to talk with Them already know of it and to Those Who rightly have Their Own lives and Own worries it would not be right of me to intrude upon You in such a way.
So many "firsts" already this year. Not least my first introduction into the "London Scene", that of attending the London Fetish Fair yesterday with a Gentleman Who permitted me within His company. A truly glorious event that allows such a wonderful socialisation amongst some very interesting and genuinly competetively priced stalls. i was introduced to so many Others that my head was jumbled with new names and faces yet there was not One Who was not kindness itself.
i wake this morning to sit at my desk and contemplate the various papers i must complete to serve Those for Whom i work and i smile because of the warmth of already fading streaks that lie in pale bruises in neat lines across my buttocks administered in affection and ackowledgement of need by the riding crop. To Any Who do not seek the s&m element of this life You will not understand the pride such marks bring. A pride in serving and a pride in pleasing and if i know that i do so - it brings a happiness that fills my soul like the sound of music so sweet that it prickles the hairs at the back of Your neck, You blink to stop a strange tear that seeks to fall and You feel as if just then, just for that instant moment in time - Your world is perfect.
i beg You please, do not take offence at my words, as truly none is meant. This can only be written as a very personal opinion and one that has been reached from talking with Others over such a short time. i feel that the Dominant is not a sadist within the dictionary definition of such, not One Who enjoys the infliction of cruelty upon another, but instead One Who enjoys the joy and pleasure another derives from the infliction of such pain.
The Dominant / submissive relationship is one of symbiotic need. O/one can not live without the O/other. O/one can exist, survive, or simply "be" within this world, but T/they can not live.
It is an agreement that each will respect the mentality of the O/other. It is an acknowledgment that the Dominant allows the submissive to express herself within the freedom of the relationship in a respectful and subservient nature, to allow her to serve Him in what ever manner He wishes, to permit her to forfeit the control of her environment, her physical being and her sensuality to His control and in doing so - He sets her free.
It is an acknowledgement that the submissive has freely granted the Dominant control of her, that she has given Him the right to demand her time, her attention, her physical responses; that she has willingly given Him the right to use her as He sees fit, to explore the boundaries of her emotions of both physical pleasure and pain thresholds, to express Himself through her and to find His pleasure through whatever sensations He wishes whether sexual, physical of mental and in doing so - she provides the conduit for His sense of Self, His sense of freedom.
please know, i beg You, that i use these genders merely for ease, i greatly respect the multitude of gender variantions that the bdsm life permits A/all to explore.
When i speak of "pleasure", i very rarely mean sexual. Sexual pleasure is only passing, instantaneous and ultimately unfulfilling if that is all there is. The mental pleasure of control and of being controlled, of submitting that control to Another is much more intense.
A sexual pleasure will thrill, will give a release that can provide a pleasant memory. The mental and emotional pleasure that can be taken and given within the exchange of power is like comparing the translucent beauty of a butterfly's wings with the soaring exhilaration of flying free upon the warm updraft within a eagle's flight path. To see the butterfly's wings You will remember the delicacy and beautiful colours. To fly free, You will remember the warm wind as it flows across Your body, the touch of the breeze as it brushes against Your face, the flow of air that ripples through Your hair and spans it's hand across Your spine as Your body arcs beneath it's weightless caress. You will remember blinking Your eyes to clear Your sight because You need, desperately need, to remember the sight of the whole world laid out beneath You. You will remember the tiny goosebumps that raise upon Your arms in the utter and total joy of such freedom that will never be surpassed. You will remember the need never to let the moment go.
Yes. it is obsessive. Yes, it is addictive, how can it not be?
It is not the fragile moment of skin brushing across skin, it is the touch of minds, the submission of will, the devotion to Another's desire, the supplication of body and spirit to all that would please. it is not the questionable passing of a fleeting second of time, it is beyond the ticking of a watch. It is not measurable, it is not quantifiable because it does not exist within only one moment it is lived again and again, as the memory brings the vivid colours and sensations back with such clarity that a shiver will rip down the spines arc and shudder through Your being.
Again, please i beg You forgive the presumptuousness of personal thoughts and beliefs. i realise that perhaps the need to experience such is naive and unrealistic, but life can not be survived without hope and dreams.
And most of all – this Year begins with much hope and many dreams, and a prayer for all who are troubled and sad Please, i beg you never stop dreaming, never stop hoping, and never ever doubt your belief within who you are because you are wonderful. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of affection and you are worthy of the friendship of others who seek only to help you find the freedom to be you.
i wish you all a glorious new year, one that brings both self knowledge and self expression, one that brings you new friendships and affirmation of old friendships, one that will bring you growth and comfort within the knowledge of who you are. One that confirms that you need not pretend to be anything other that who you truly are because you are already a person worthy of being.
with much respect
Edited Mon 3 Jan 05, 10:22 AM by kesriel
