This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Fri 17 Dec 10, 11:04 PM QuietlyComfortable 3 yrs |
...hot and cold. Those of you who might have had contact with me through memos or the boards will already know this. I'll go from being really warm and friendly to disappearing for months and back again. The problem is, I do the same thing in relationships. I go from being desperate for hot and horny kinky stuff to just wanting a kiss and cuddle, often for weeks or months. This is entirely down to my feelings about kink, and how my interest waxes and wanes. In a vanilla context, I'd never act so inconsistently. I'm fortunate enough to be (sort of) with a guy who doesn't have a problem with part-time kink and is perfectly happy with kisses and cuddles, but I have to recognise that sometimes I can be confusing. I know the answer is communication, communication, communication, but sometimes I feel that I'm calling all the shots, which jars with our (part-time) D/s dynamic and sometimes kills the mood. I know that not everyone on here is in 24/7 D/s relationship - far from it! So my question is, how do you deal with part-time kink? I'd be particularly interested to hear from both Doms and subs.
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| 17 Dec 10, 11:22 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs  |
Personally, I have always valued being accepted by my partner more than anything else. So you are not 'constant' in your kinkiness - who is, truly? How many people feel kinkily dispositioned all of the time? And who can demand that of anyone? Being is about being, not about having to be something in particular, and certainly - hopefully - not ever about feeling you need to be something in particular. The worse poison in any relationship is, I think, expectation and obligation. Much better to just be who you are, and marvelous - trully - to find someone who accepts you for who you are - not 'what' you are.
"Yet I rejoice in the great harm done me, for this reason only, that I am more mine being yours, than were I mine." - Michelangelo | |
| 18 Dec 10, 3:07 AM ButterflyInChains UK(OX), 19 mths |
To be completely honest i'm like this in pretty much every aspect of my life, noticeable more with friends cos I can choose better to be around them or not, but I go through times when I need to just be me and be selfish, and times when i desperately need people. As I said, my friends know this, and know that I can ignore my 'want to be alone' feelings when they need me so it doesn't really impact, but I do have no idea what causes it. Don't make some-one a priority if they only make you an option | |
| 18 Dec 10, 3:44 AM noobie UK(PO), 19 mths  |
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| 18 Dec 10, 12:31 PM ladydreams UK(CR), 3 yrs      |
I stopped to read your post because it rang a chord with me, i have times when my mood swings from beat me to hold me. I agree communication is very important as is the understanding of a good Dom who knows you and can sometimes challenge you. Can be easy to get stuck in a rut and if i dont use it i do in fact lose it - well, it goes off track for a while. So, sometimes i have to push myself. Hormones and time of year (SAD) can affect my mood too.
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender - Aerosmith | |
| 18 Dec 10, 12:33 PM ladydreams UK(CR), 3 yrs |
Agree with this soooooooooo much ^^^^ I could spend my life in this sweet surrender - Aerosmith Edited 18 Dec 10, 5:48 PM by ladydreams | |
| 20 Dec 10, 3:22 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs    |
It's hormonal for me mostly, but if your other half knows you blow hot and cold it takes the pressure off. I don't think it's anything to worry about, just be honest  “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | |
| 20 Dec 10, 3:31 PM leopard99 UK(N), 2 yrs  |
As a very hungry Leopard I'll put it in food terms. Kisses and cuddles are bread and cheese, meat and potato, pasta. Good everyday wholesome fare, you can't live without it. BDSM is chocolate and cake. We love it but it's not exactly essential and too much can make you a bit jaded. May not be true for all but it works for me.
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