15 Dec 10, 10:36 AM
Randomizer
UK(WC), 23 mths
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You're worrying about technicalities far, far too much... |
15 Dec 10, 10:40 AM
uniquemoon
UK, 10 yrs
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The one with the higher income. Simple.
If both have the same, they share.
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15 Dec 10, 10:44 AM
valleyrose17
UK(BS), 2 yrs
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I think where the Dom is ok for money then I agree I like him to pay - its just part of the feminine thing as you say. Having said that its just personal preference and I think its reasonable to expect to go Dutch.
Dil_se wrote:
Who Pays?
I can't help myself, this question has been buzzing in my head for quite a while.
I'm talking in a strictly male Dom/female sub relationship.
I read something the other day where the female sub paid for a hotel room for them both to use. This is the part I remember the most  . It strikes me as wrong. As a woman I spend a fair bit on looking after myself, I'm not saying a man doesn't spend anything but, unless he's seriously metrosexual, then I don't think it can equate.
So why is the sub paying for a room?
What does that do for the dynamic as well while I'm at it - I think I'd feel he was less of a man if I were going dutch or paying.
For me part of submission is feeling supremely feminine and so that involves the man doing the traditional thing and paying. I don't see it as being paid for my services, they're his to take if I'm his. I also want to be treated as a woman though.
These are my personal thoughts and feelings, I'd like to hear what others think.
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15 Dec 10, 10:44 AM
valleyrose17
UK(BS), 2 yrs
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I think where the Dom is ok for money then I agree I like him to pay - its just part of the feminine thing as you say. Having said that its just personal preference and I think its reasonable to expect to go Dutch.
Dil_se wrote:
Who Pays?
I can't help myself, this question has been buzzing in my head for quite a while.
I'm talking in a strictly male Dom/female sub relationship.
I read something the other day where the female sub paid for a hotel room for them both to use. This is the part I remember the most . It strikes me as wrong. As a woman I spend a fair bit on looking after myself, I'm not saying a man doesn't spend anything but, unless he's seriously metrosexual, then I don't think it can equate.
So why is the sub paying for a room?
What does that do for the dynamic as well while I'm at it - I think I'd feel he was less of a man if I were going dutch or paying.
For me part of submission is feeling supremely feminine and so that involves the man doing the traditional thing and paying. I don't see it as being paid for my services, they're his to take if I'm his. I also want to be treated as a woman though.
These are my personal thoughts and feelings, I'd like to hear what others think.
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15 Dec 10, 10:44 AM
Tanos
UK(M), 14 yrs
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Dil_se wrote:
I'm only talking about a long term D/s relationship.
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(If we were going to get fundamentalist about things...)
you can conceive of long term D/s relationships in which the submissive has any money of their own????
Ahem 
:T: www.tanos.org.uk
Podcast: www.tanos.org.uk/weblog/podcast (Latest: Leather restraints; Heresy n Heelz; Reactance etc)
O&P on IC: Possession. Ownership. Consent. Responsibility. Respect. House. Service. Dignity. Authenticity. Rituals.
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15 Dec 10, 10:46 AM
tanken
UK(NR), 2 yrs
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Dil_se wrote:
Who Pays?
I can't help myself, this question has been buzzing in my head for quite a while.
I'm talking in a strictly male Dom/female sub relationship.
I read something the other day where the female sub paid for a hotel room for them both to use. This is the part I remember the most . It strikes me as wrong. As a woman I spend a fair bit on looking after myself, I'm not saying a man doesn't spend anything but, unless he's seriously metrosexual, then I don't think it can equate.
So why is the sub paying for a room?
What does that do for the dynamic as well while I'm at it - I think I'd feel he was less of a man if I were going dutch or paying.
For me part of submission is feeling supremely feminine and so that involves the man doing the traditional thing and paying. I don't see it as being paid for my services, they're his to take if I'm his. I also want to be treated as a woman though.
These are my personal thoughts and feelings, I'd like to hear what others think.
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Ha ha. Female subs want the man to pay because it makes them feel 'more feminine'. Female dommes want the man to pay because they are 'submitting'. I see a pattern here 
No wonder rich men have all the women 
'Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather' - Velvet Underground
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15 Dec 10, 10:56 AM
Contessa_dei_Fiori
UK(N), 2 yrs
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Dil_se wrote:
What I mean is I spend a lot of money looking good for myself. I spend money on things I wouldn't necessarily buy myself if he likes it. I feel by looking good (which costs) for him then I'm doing my share. By paying for a hotel room on top I'm doing more than my share. No one has limitless funds and I feel men can overlook the outlay a woman makes.
Does that make it clearer I wonder? lol.
Yule_Slut wrote:
but really, really the part about how you spend more money taking care of yourself baffles me
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You don't have to explain yourself. Men should pay. End of.
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15 Dec 10, 10:57 AM
angie_4_fun
UK(BS), 6 yrs
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It depends on the people and the relationship.
Firstly you need to separate practical from submission. For practical purposes I expect to be cost neutral and for any travel I cover my cost and sub covers theirs.
For some subs the act of being made to pay reinforces their subservience and for others the reverse can be true. A friend, who was a sub found the greatest humiliation was to belying on the bed next morning having been ravished and having her bum slapped once and a wad of notes stuffed between her cheeks. It was control and humiliation, not sought by her but used to humiliate.
The key is to get to know your sub well and all their loves and hates and triggers. Then match it with your need and you have a good long term relationship that each of you wins from. |
15 Dec 10, 10:59 AM
raven_s
19 mths |
Dil_se wrote:
Who Pays?
I can't help myself, this question has been buzzing in my head for quite a while.
I'm talking in a strictly male Dom/female sub relationship.
I read something the other day where the female sub paid for a hotel room for them both to use. This is the part I remember the most . It strikes me as wrong. As a woman I spend a fair bit on looking after myself, I'm not saying a man doesn't spend anything but, unless he's seriously metrosexual, then I don't think it can equate.
So why is the sub paying for a room?
What does that do for the dynamic as well while I'm at it - I think I'd feel he was less of a man if I were going dutch or paying.
For me part of submission is feeling supremely feminine and so that involves the man doing the traditional thing and paying. I don't see it as being paid for my services, they're his to take if I'm his. I also want to be treated as a woman though.
These are my personal thoughts and feelings, I'd like to hear what others think.
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i appreciate your point about the amount a woman spends on personal upkeep in relation to that of the average man.
i'd hope any Dom/me would note the effort their sub has made to look presentable for them and to please.
i also think it's just good manners to contribute what/when you can, even if it's a token gesture.
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15 Dec 10, 11:11 AM
thinking_dom
5 yrs
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All this fevered speculation and posturing. There have been a couple of rational responses and far too many focused on traditional conventions. There are no rules. There are social constructs that some follow and others argue over but the ultimate answer is that it is entirely down to people involved. Whether it be part of affirming the D/s relationship through control, submission, humilation or other non-BDSM rationale is irrelevant. A couple must be allowed to establish their own relationship and the dynamics within it. |
