This post is on the BDSM Activism web board.
| 8 Dec 10, 7:28 PM not_lost_still_lady UK(PE), 22 mths       |
I had to go through the "Family Court" to keep my children. I told the truth, he lied. The Judge had to decide who to believe. He was sympathetic towards me and made orders that cut off any grounds for appeal, but he was governed by Law. The Law is an ass. I do not remember who first said it, but it is still true today. So many woman use the children as pawns, thereby scarring them for life and the Law abets them in this. As a child I was taught to "Tell the truth and shame the devil." Unfortunately the truth does not help when their lies sound so convincing. Signature removed to make room for .... | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 7:45 PM Attitude_Adjuster UK(N), 6 yrs  |
Did you get a contact order? What did you ask for? What did you get? What was the courts rational for the shortfall? How did your ex wind up being investigated by social services? Why do I get the feeling that you've shared about 1% of a story? And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 7:57 PM Lady_Lancashire 23 mths £ |
Obviously we can only see part of the story as there were two people involved. I'd caution anyone not to disclose family court matters on this site as such things are frowned on by judges and an ex partner can easily print posts out. Whatever is discussed about children in a court of law cannot legally be disclosed without permission from the judge and could be used to illustrate poor parenting. The Red Rose Whispers Of Passion (J o'B R) | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 8:01 PM Asshole_Magnet UK(EX), 22 mths |
I posted a warning for others, based on my experience, that BDSM does not play well in the UK legal system. This is the 1% (actually less) that I have shared. I did not invite public cross examination in a published forum which would then be indexed by Google for all time, on matters that should remain private. This is the 99% that I have not, and will not, share. | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 8:08 PM Lady_Lancashire 23 mths £ |
I can see where the O/P is coming from, as stated in my previous post. I have previously posted something on this board that could not be explained due to the same legal reasons. It's important to post useful information but impossible to go into detail. All we can hope is that people will consider what we can tell them and forgive and understand the reasons for limiting that. The Red Rose Whispers Of Passion (J o'B R) | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 8:19 PM Attitude_Adjuster UK(N), 6 yrs |
As its posted on activism, he's actually missed out all of the relevant bits - I didn't ask for identifying information, but he hasn't even said whether the court found either his interest in BDSM /or/ an allegation of abuse to be relevant in (not)awarding a contact order. All we know is he had a hard time, and feels no small amount of resentment toward the process he's been through. A part of that resentment stemmed from the police investigating a criminal allegation... well that's what the police do. I can't see anything BDSM centric here it all appears to arise from an ex-partner making nasty accusations of something that *wasn't* BDSM.
And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 8:36 PM RichardNewbury UK(BH), 4 yrs |
Thanks to the OP for the warning. "A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not." | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 8:40 PM Ianneil UK(N), 5 yrs |
Just some general thoughts/questions that meandered through my mind while reading this Op. Family court judges spend their working lives listening to he/she said, he/she did stories. They know it is human nature to minimise or maximise the actuality to advantage and also to use outright lies to create leverage. I would have thought where there is no objective independent evidence to support an accusation the judge would give it less weight. Of course the judge must work within the bounds of the law. The couple may look at it as a trial of innocence or guilt but the judge acts as a mediator trying to find the best or least worst solution. But then any activity that is eccentric to the norm runs the risk of weighing against a party in a divorce. For instance an expert in earthquake rescue on permanently on standby might have that weigh against them in a custody case............Hey just some thoughts!! | ||
| 8 Dec 10, 8:43 PM Asshole_Magnet UK(EX), 22 mths |
In point of fact, there is precisely zero requirement for evidence in a family court, mens rea and actus reus is for criminal and some civil court, not family court. the terms are also found, and not found, not guilty and not guilty, there is no such thing as a verdict of innocent in any court.
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| 9 Dec 10, 9:55 AM alandra UK(BH), 6 yrs |
I am so sorry that this has happened to you.
I have always been aware that as the sub, 'victim', in a relationship, that the Dom has to trust me as much as I trust him. Some women make me mad.....they enter these relationships, they know what they have signed up for, yet when looking for a way out they think they can use the consensual relationship as a weapon. It is messy enough when a relationship ends without the need to drag your private BDSM activities into it. The only time this would be acceptable, in my eyes, is if consent was withdrawn and the Dom forced it to continue. Leagally we are on thin ice, although I do believe that consensual 'bedroom fun' should be a private matter between 2 people should remain private and not be of any concern to anyone else and that includes the courts.
to those that understand, no explaination is needed, to those that dont understand, no explaination is possible |
