This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sat 4 Dec 10, 8:22 PM Blondegirl UK, 19 mths  |
One I am pondering this weekend... and I would be interested in hearing views. The two times that I have snooped on to my boyfriend's laptop to see what websites he has been on (the first time by accident - the second time by design - each 2 years apart) he has been emailing other women. Interestingly the first time led me to find out about BDSM which has actually been a very welcome journey and one maybe I would never have found out otherwise. Like many people who 'stumble' on BDSM it makes you realise that all of those tings you have been fantasizing about can turn into a reality! Anyway - I digress - so back to the question... 'Having it out' with him about the emails both times he does not see this as being anything wrong - but apologises for the hurt caused and he pretends everything is fine, and to a certain extend I go along with that too. Now last week in a weak moment I looked at his phone and there was a text message from girl and he had called her that same day that he had come to stay for the weekend... What would you do? Get grumpy Get on the internet yourself play him at the same game Get on the phone to her Or get the hell out of there?
Am finding it hard to be a Sub who shares... | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:25 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs  |
Presuming you have not agreed this with him I can't see it being good. If you can tolerate it then that's fine. You could ask him if he's happy you have 2 lovers but then I suppose he might say yes. Why isn't it good? because most people like you don't like it. Because if he's not using protection with you and the other(s) then he's risking your life/sexual health. Because it means more time is spent with someone else, effort diverted to someone else. It's hard enough keeping one spouse happy without having 24,000 wifelets or houseband-lets on the go. | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:25 PM masterderrick50 UK(SR), 3 yrs |
There is nothing wrong with chatting with other people, be it yourself to a male or your partner to a female, as long as you tell the other person your involved with, However i would be concerned if my partenr was talking to people on the phone who i didnt know. You need to discuss your thoughts with your partner and sooner rather than later x | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:27 PM Blondegirl UK, 19 mths |
Good point. I think it has only worked so far on the premise that I believe him when he says he has not met up with anyone. But I work away sometimes in the week and we live apart so there sure is plenty of opportunity... | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:29 PM Kitty_with_Claws UK, 3 yrs |
It concerns me that you are finding the need to 'snoop' in the first place - I would suggest that you are feeling insecure in your relationship anyway, and that needs attention as an issue in its own right. As @masterderrick50 said, you need to talk to him sooner rather than later. Edited 4 Dec 10, 8:30 PM by Kitty_with_Claws | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:29 PM Romola UK, 7 yrs |
Dump him. It's only a weblog | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:29 PM lustrum 2 yrs |
Ciao Bello. Cheer hoh chap. Bye bye. All are appropriate address to your 'monsieur' prefacing why. | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:32 PM lilybee  UK(TN), 5 yrs    |
Ok you say you are finding hard to be a sub that shares, this indicates that you are attempting some sort of open relationship? If not well then why should you share? Sharing is something agreed by all concerned, not just one side. The only thing you can really do is talk with him, if it is meant to be then surely it can be worked out? No relationship of any type is easy and a smooth ride it always has to be worked at, only you know whether you want to do that or not. Whether by not confronting you are subconsciously at least, admitting that if you do it might all end. This, if it is the case, imo will only mean you will be hurting till one day it all blows up anyway. Sorry can't give much more advice than talk, hope you can work it through. lily | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:32 PM Elohims_jay UK(B), 7 yrs |
Firstly have a good talk to yourself first ... decide what type of relationship you want .. Mono, Poly, Open, etc ... and be honest with yourself .... Deciding you can "cope" with open when your know deep down it will hurt is just a recipe for disaster. Then talk to your partner to see how they view what they have been doing. Is it just chat, text and email ? Do they see this as "cheating" ? .. do you ? Is it (or will it be) more than that ? actual contact with others ? to what level ? ... well I think you get the idea. You both need to be clear with yourselves and each other what your own definitions and wants are and have that horrible, long, hard discussion as to if you can find that with each other. If an open or poly relationship works for you BOTH then go and enjoy ... ( along with all the talk and rules and stuff) ... if you or both of you need mono than define what is and what is not "cheating"
"You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough." ~ George Moore | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:37 PM Rhoobarb UK(FK), 12 yrs |
If it is agreed between you that he can have other women, then there's not a lot you can do, other than try to change the rules back. Whatever the situation you're not happy about it. When you had it out with him before and he apologised, did he say he wouldn't do it again or does he honestly not think that he is doing anything wrong? If he apologised for hurting you but then continues to carry on in the same way, then he obviously doesn't care about your feelings regarding this, OR he thought it was all sorted and it is OK for him to be behaving in this way. Whichever it is, you're not happy and you need to speak to him about it. Whether you then decide to do the same as he does, or split up, it is your decision. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:39 PM Londonista UK(E), 2 yrs |
It sounds like you've been together a while. Regardless of what he is/isn't doing, if you still can't have an open discussion about whats going on then... well... Edited 5 Dec 10, 3:27 PM by Londonista |
