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| Taintedinnocence |
on Tue 30 Nov 10, 10:50 AM to the O_and_P group.
Other threads have made me think about this. How much has external forces - others opinions - and your own feelings influenced your submission or dominance?
I will give an example. My mother has always wanted me to get a man to pay for everything. Which I think is wrong. Therefore, for a long time (despite when we started going out being a skint student), I found it very hard to let The_Falconer pay for things. I am better at this now, but I still find it hard.
I also went to a very academic school, where we had exams twice a year. I always had to work hard to do well (and it was a competitive school - getting a C was considered not good). As a result of this I believe I have always focused on my career, being a success, working hard. I find it hard *not* to work hard - almost as though I am used to constant pressure.
And so focusing on my career it is easy to let my submission sometimes struggle. But I find my submission very fulfilling. Yet not working would drive me mad! So I am hoping my next job will be a balance - working hard but hopefully not working too long hours, so I can come home and focus on my submission and making my Master happy - I am hoping to overcome this personality trait of mine to focus on my submission.
As we have been discussing elsewhere, everyones submission and dominance is different. So how have external and internal factors affected you? This could be personality traits, nature or nurture etc.
| 30 Nov 10, 2:38 PM jules9 UK(CH), 3 yrs    |
Fascinating question. I'm going to give it some thought before replying, but as a very slight aside could we please add this to the topics for Saturday? XxX | |
| 30 Nov 10, 3:00 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
Thanks. I found it hard to express it - and have been thinking about it a bit. I do sometimes think that we touch on philosophy, life and the universe in our meets | |
| 30 Nov 10, 3:07 PM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs       |
This is a great question! I think my submission comes from a variety of things. I love making people happy, i love telling jokes, i am often quick to apologise if i think i've upset someone, i feel bad if there's one chair left and my friends suggest i sit on it, rather than one of them. I'm not sure exactly where this comes from, but i have some ideas. I do think there is a big part of dominance and submission that is 'natural', that is to say it is of nature rather than nurture, which is why i believe all of this is a type of sexuality too. I do think the degrees in which one needs it in their life, or the ways in which it is manifested in relationships can be down to nurture though. I had a decent upbringing, nothing too horrendous, but it paid to keep the peace in our household. I didn't like to see my mum put upon or made upset, so i'd do lots to try and keep her happy. Many times my efforts went somewhat unnoticed, so any 'well done' or similar was cherished. I think that's why i love 'good girl' and all its cheesy friends so much.
Then, as i look at relationships i had when i was older, the main one being my ltr of 5 years, i think that influences the way i feel about how i dress, look and act with regards to pleasing Tanos (so not necessarily my 'submission' here). My ex and i loved each other, but it was more like friends or brother and sister, so whilst we appreciated each other (and although sex was still good) there was a distinct lack of passion and any efforts i made to impress fell on deaf eyes, or summat I've wanted this for so long, and i think i'll have to come back and add more to this thread, cos it's so diverse. There is so much, from the past, from inside, from now, that has shaped my feelings, views and actions of my submission that it is difficult (and potentially boring for others to read!) to put it all down. The main thing that shapes it now is what Tanos wants. That's actually one of the biggest things its taken me to realise, oddly. It doesn't matter (to a degree) what i want or need my submission to look like anymore. I've found someone who i care enough about that it is his dominance i am trying to feed, satisfy, whatever, now and not my own submissive desires. x Ferris Bueller, you're my hero! | |
| 30 Nov 10, 3:12 PM Taintedinnocence UK(S), 6 yrs |
Beautiful Mia, thank you 
I think your last point is so true too (altho obviously for me its The_Falconer
but yes, I know, I've been thinking lots and will probably think of other stuff too | |
| 4 Dec 10, 2:32 PM SinPar US, 12 yrs |
What's going on externally has a dramatic effect on my ability and availability in a D/s or M/s relationship. As much as I'd love to have a M/s relationship right now- in my current situation it isn't fair to the submissive to only be partially and unpredictably available. Relationships take time, especially at first, and time is just something I can't create more of between work and family responsibilities. I'd rather do without than do badly. Other's opinions? Meh. I don't know that I've ever done or not done anything kink-oriented that I really wanted to do because of any opinion other than my own. External opinions, that is. SinPar -- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis) | |
| 4 Dec 10, 8:08 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
What sort of man wouldn't want his other half to work hard? I've not met those types even amongst dominant men. Surely they can easily take pride in your accomplishments. I certainly think everyone needs to ensuer they have the right balance for them between children, partner/spouse, work and hobbies/other interests but I don't think working hard has to preclude a D/s relationship. I do think though that idle lay abouts should not pair with hard workers and vice versa or sexist dominant men with submissives who aren't into sexist relationships etc etc. As for early influences I suppose we are probably about 50% our genes and 50% our environment. It's amazing how different children can be from the same home as I can see with mine. It's fascinating. | |
| 5 Dec 10, 2:06 PM SinPar US, 12 yrs |
Perhaps if the submissive and spousal role were the same thing it might work, but in my life it won't work like that. The submissive role is always a secondary relationship to the spousal and maternal one. SinPar
-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis) |
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