How early is too early? (95)

No alcohol is consumed and it is only designed to inform young people about the dynamics involved in kink. It's not intended to be a place to "hook up" but more of a place to learn.

When I heard this, I was actually very shocked. Jaw droppingly shocked to be honest. It raises so many questions and conflicts, I just didn't know what to say.

It could be argued that informing young people is a good thing because they're going to go off and try things whether or not you educate them, so perhaps it's positive to help them understand the emotions and be safe.

But there's apparently no lower age limit at all (they mentioned the youngest person to come to one was 13). It could definitely be encouraging too much too soon and create an extremely potentially predatory environment.

I think many of us can say that we had an interest in kink before 18, or even before the age of consent at 16, but looking back, would more information and a "community" to nurture that really have been something you think would have been good for you? Many of us found that community online in chat rooms... would encouraging more than that, in real life have been too much too soon, even if you wouldn't have wanted to recognise it back then?

I have a very strong view on this, but I'd like to know what other people think...?

Patrick
IndelibleMarker
Specialist Extreme Professional Dominant
@U35Munch - London U35 Munch Details

As I was 50 before I realised what I am and what my needs are, I find myself wishing that I had understood sooner but if anyone tries to recruit my 14 years old daughter, I will maim them for life as a start.

Signature removed to make room for ....

I strongly believe though, that its not constructive for a young person to be practicing bdsm in the same way that in a lot of cases, they are too young to practice safe sex let alone bdsm.

Not until they're ready. Not until they're over 18 and even then I think that's a very young age to get into practicing bdsm to be honest.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

I would certainly have liked somewhere I could go to discuss these things. Fliers in Soho sex shops (which was all you really got in those days) aren't exactly educational.

Toxic

So on that basis, if a youngster is interested in kink, better for good advice to be available than for them to learn maybe from wrong un's?

However, they operate under two premises:

- Nothing that is being discussed in public / shown on their webpage may be in any way pornographic - Discussions should be held within similar age groups

There is an upper limit of 27 and that is a hard limit. I tried to go to one munch when I was 27 and 1 month and they would not let me.

It may be helpful to point out these meetings often take place during day time and have little to do with events like, e.g. the Camden munch here in London. The atmosphere is more that of a self-help group.

I personally think transparency and networking are the single strongest weapons against predators of any kind. If I were a predator, the very last place I would go to would be to an SMJG meeting.

Because everybody in the scene is credible and the idea of a 'wrong 'un' turning up to one of those things and spreading bad advice is unheard of. No, I don't like the smell of that at all. Unless the whole thing was intensely well-policed, you'd get opportunistic older men trying and often succeeding to cherry-pick girls while they're still young and have no idea what else is out there; something that, depressingly, I know already goes on.

Basically as I am seeink it, Ray, the problem is that you are not callink your girlfriend for five months. You see, the hot babies like to feel wanted. If you are not callink them on the phone for a while, it is like a way of saying "you are worst song, played on ugliest guitar"

SMJG also do things like operate a phone helpline for youngsters who are afraid they might be "different" and don't know who to talk to.

Which IMHO is a very good thing because BDSM is not generally accepted and for example, after the high-school shooting in Winnenden, police found Bondage pictures on the hard drive of the 17 year old killer. There were then quite a few sensational articles claiming a causal relation between being interested in bondage and becoming a serial killer. Imagine you are 17, notice you are "different", as many here remember knowing, and are faced with such press and nowhere to turn to for proper information or advice.

http://www.focus.de/panorama/vermischtes/amoklau... (unfortunately in German)

Edited 27 Nov 10, 10:58 PM by Heroine_London

This made me laugh a little bit. Especially the part about the self-help group.

I've attended my local SMJG meetings when I was still in Germany and at least from my experience, they are not more than like-minded folk having a beer together (yes, there was alcohol and it was in a "pub"). There were never more than maybe 10-15 people and it was all very casual. Lots of talk about geeky stuff and politics, very rarely about bdsm. The age-limit was indeed enforced and I think it was a very welcoming and secure environment. When I started going I was 19 and only one or two girls under 18 were there. The youngest that ever attended was 14.

I can see why this all sounds a bit shocking, but as Heroine has pointed out, it's very, very different to the munches in and around London. The atmosphere is completely different and to me it didn't even feel kinky or sexual in the slightest. I also don't think it encourages behaviour young kinksters haven't thought of themselves. Parties still have an age-limit of 18 and that's obviously where more of the serious stuff takes place.

Maybe those things work especially well in Germany where most things are nicely ordered and organised, but from my experience the SMJG is a very good and safe way to keep people from wandering around in bdsm land on their own for too long. Obviously it depends a lot on the people running the meetings, but I've only had good experiences and would always support the SMJG in the work they do.

Hab keine Angst, einen großen Schritt zu machen, wenn dies nötig ist. Ein Abgrund lässt sich nicht mit zwei kleinen Sprüngen überqueren (David Lloyd George).

I posted my own thoughts in response to that at my own blog: http://afemanistview.blogspot.com/2010/11/we-sho...

Clarisse Thorn and I both favour proper schemes to enable young kinky folks - possibly accompanied by their parents (a) because it helps deal with the possibility (or just the fear of the possibility) of "wrong 'uns" if the parents are around to look out for their kids and (b) because parents could do with advice on how to interpret what their kids are going through as they develop into a sexuality that is decidedly "alternative".

I don't imagine sex education in schools is likely to do a very good job any time soon of helping young teens come to terms with discovering that they are kinky. But maybe if teens are old enough for sex education in schools, they are old enough to learn about their own kinks. Finding a healthy and safe way to help them do that may be hard, but it is necessary.

Anyway, just to give some food for thought.

My earliest bdsm fantasies I had when I was...

• under 10: 25%
• 10 - 14: 34%
• 15 - 19: 25%

I've been participating in bdsm since...

• under 10: 5%
• 10 - 14: 12%
• 15 - 19: 38%

I've realised that I was into bdsm when I was...

• under 10: 2%
• 10 - 14: 14%
• 15 - 19: 41%

source: http://www.smjg.org/fileadmin/images/pressetexte...

Edited to get the item lists right. Stupid formatting.

Hab keine Angst, einen großen Schritt zu machen, wenn dies nötig ist. Ein Abgrund lässt sich nicht mit zwei kleinen Sprüngen überqueren (David Lloyd George).

Edited 27 Nov 10, 11:32 PM by Miss_Poppins