little_imp's profile . little_imp's homepage
 |
| little_imp |
Having been cursed with a Difficult Mimsy, now that the curse has been lifted [insert Magic Wand joke here], I feel it is my duty to make the following public service announcement:
Little Imp's Guide to Having Your First Orgasm, for Girls with Difficult Mimsys.
1) Are all the Bits present and correct?
Far be it from me to medicalise a person's sexuality, but if you've got to middle age and been bashing away at your clit with knife, fork, and lobster hammer for years and nothing's happened, it might be worth going to the doctor to check all is well.
Also, are you a mental? Because whilst chucking the odd Wobbler shouldn't interfere, if you're rigid with anxiety constantly, or stuck in bed sobbing 24/7, it's probably best to get that sorted first before you tackle your Unmentionables.
2) Location, location, location
This is not something you're going to achieve under time constraints, or stress. If you've got a selection of children/ partners/ pets/ work colleagues banging on the door of the lounge/ bedroom/ bathroom/ stationery cupboard, it's going to put you off a wee bit. So find somewhere that you can, at the very least, lie down comfortably, for at least an hour, in peace and quiet. It doesn't have to be a secret, but in my experience there's nothing less likely to lead to an orgasm than pressure. So having your boyfriend doing Hopeful Face afterwards is not going to help. You may want to develop a habit of 'taking long baths with the door locked while listening to the radio', for example.
3) Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was a Magic Mimsy
You should be prepared to put in the overtime on this one. It's worth it - you're doing something nice for yourself. Think an hour a week, on a regular basis, for the foreseable future. Don't make 'having an orgasm' the goal. Make 'playing with yourself and enjoying the sensations' the goal. And if you think an hour is a long time - for years it used to take me at least an hour to reach orgasm, every time!
4) Tools of the Trade
You're going to need some equipment. Unless you've never so much as touched your ladies front bottom before, get busy browsing the sex shops. Online is okay, but in person is better. Really, you need to be thinking D batteries, not AAA, okay? Go for something you can use on your clit, which vibrates. I wouldn't recommend a hitachi magic wand or equivalent for a beginner. Twenty minutes with one of those and your clit'll go numb, which is NOT what you want.
You could try a rabbit style vibrator (one with clit stimulator and dildo all in one), or a clit stimulator and dildo/ vibrator for insertion as two or more separate things.
Everyone's different so see what appeals to you.
5) Different Strokes for Different Folks
Find out what does it for you, what gets you off. Is it soft or hard? Porn - and if so, what kind? Erotic writing with an emphasis on sensual, or nasty videos? Does it need to have a BDSM element?
Do you like to wank on your front, or on your back? Lying down, or squatting? Music, or none? Do you like to use both hands, or just one? Do you need to feel submissive, or dominant, or neither?
What do you like to fantasise about? Do you need something inside you to cum, or just on your clit? Arse or pussy? Lights on or off? Morning, noon or night? What temperature should the room be? Naked, or semi-naked, or clothed?
You need to get your body, and your mind, to the same place. You need to be physically and emotionally comfortable, and able to explore and let your hands and mind play.
6) Practice, Practice, Practice
It might take you a dozen times, to find the golden combination that sends you over the edge. Or you might go off like a rocket within five minutes of trying. But be prepared to put some time into this. The more you wank the better and easier it will get, to come to orgasm. It's a learning curve.
Then you can teach other people how to do it to you! 
7) The Tao of Wanking
Do not let anyone put pressure on you to cum. That's like a cold shower on your mimsy.
8) Schrodinger's Pussy (stretching the metaphor rather)
Don't let your orgasm become the focus or end goal of sex. Orgasms are like a shy cat, hiding under the bed. They may or may not be in there but the moment you lift the sheet up to check, they bolt. They don't like to be looked at directly, it makes them feel self-conscious!
9) Advanced Class
Buy a magic wand. No, really.
10) Go forth and cum!
Edited Sun 6 Feb 11, 10:52 AM by little_imp
| 21 Nov 10, 9:04 AM FairyGirl UK(YO), 3 yrs   |
I've been having orgasms since I was around 4 years old, but if I was having problems now, I would be sincerely grateful for this! I love the way you write! "Nothing saves anyone's life, Sir. It just postpones their death." - Posner , The History Boys. | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 9:53 AM kinky_kitty UK(LE), 5 yrs |
Simply brilliant Open up your eyes. You keep on crying baby, I'll bleed you dry. | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 10:07 AM Betony UK, 7 yrs |
These two brilliant blogs should be published in all the women's magazines which print rubbish about the female orgasm. 'I'm somewhat contemptuously convinced that sentimentality is the refuge of those without genuine emotions' Nigella Lawson | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 12:47 PM foxgirl UK(LN), 22 mths |
Oh that is wonderful. *applauds* I am more than anyone thinks I can be. | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 12:52 PM pplatinumpussy UK(CF), 4 yrs  |
Fab! *loved it* xxxx xx miss p xx | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 1:01 PM poutanaki UK(M), 10 yrs |
This. Seriously, you should look into getting this published.
Your so pretty when your on your knees. Disinfected, eager to please. | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 3:36 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
Ah, that's where I fall down. I am definitely a bit of a mental and rigid with anxiety. On this issue at least. But as you say, getting rid of distractions, not pressurising yourself, and putting in the hours - like any other skill. I have gone down this route in the last few weeks and am becoming like a different person, on my own at least. Thanks for posting this. Its hilarious style also gets to the heart of the problem of anxiety: don't take it too seriously, don't have too much riding on the end result. Don't feel like a freak because you find it difficult to relax enough to tip over the edge. So this pupil is now ready for the next lesson, please: how is the difficult mimsy persuaded to perform in company? I was as aroused as I've ever been in my life last time I was with my Master, but could feel the barrier going up in my head and the inability to let go enough. I have come in front of one person, but it's always been a struggle. Being repressed is really quite rubbish. Or is that just being a mental, and there's no help for me? | ||
| 21 Nov 10, 8:22 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs    |
I would add: don't be afraid to make funny sounds (honestly, it's ok), have oddly scented bits (that's normal) or worry / feel guilty about fantasizing about something you wouldn't actually want to do in real life or about someone that isn't your partner. “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | ||
| 22 Nov 10, 2:39 AM GoddessSharon 4 yrs |
fantastic xx | ||
| 22 Nov 10, 3:11 PM little_imp UK(BN), 3 yrs  |
Aw, ta people!
Nah, that's just being a tiny bit Mental. That's nowhere near Right Proper Mental Wot Needs to Live in a Mentalarium or anything. As for persuading the difficult mimsy to perform to order. Oh dear. Are you familiar with the phrase 'herding cats?' Yeah, that. I would employ the old adage of 'Don't Keep Poking it or it Won't Get Better'. Basically - make sure your Master knows that focusing on your orgasm, or any sort of pressure, is a surefire way to ensure you won't have one. Let it happen in it's own time. Keep practicing by yourself until you can bash one out in under four minutes! It might take years before you can coax the elusive orgasm to erupt in public. Or it might not. Maybe you never will with this particular partner. Or maybe you'll be showering him in cum before christmas. But either way - it's okay. Believe in that and you're halfway there. "WHORE!!" |
