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| penwiggle |
Was at my friend's tonight, Dickrigger, catching up as I haven't seen him since my two month love affair. I was able to bring him up to speed with everything in my life, and catch up with all the events in his life, of which there were many.
He made the comment, that in light of me recently loosing my contract AND my girlfriend, I haven't written my normal outpouring of dark blogs that I would have in my past. And he's right. I'm not all dark and gloomy. I think, perhaps, maybe, I've grown up a bit.
Yes, loosing my contract was a shock, but I have good prospects on the horizon, just need to prod the company and get the next contract moving (going to send another email tomorrow).
Yes, breaking up with my girlfriend came at a bad time. But, I know in my heart I did the right thing. Stringing her along would have been wrong, and not what she would have wanted. I knew in my heart I didn't love her as much as she loved me, also I knew that she would not have accepted the level of kink that I needed to be happy. So either I would have kept pushing her for more than she could have handled, or I would have to change who I was, something I was not prepared to do. Ending it sooner was better for the both of us.
I hated hurting her. She is a good person, a wonderful person, and I hope she finds someone who can love her.
But, it's time for me to move on.
Tuesday I painted my bathroom (yeah!). And today I did a lot of other odd jobs around the flat. Feeling a lot more motivated, a lot more positive about life. Tomorrow, probably a bit more house work (although not much more to be done), perhaps paint another room, but probably start writing again. My book is nearly finished, and I want to have it 100% this year.
Pen
| 12 Nov 10, 5:01 AM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs       |
This is a different Penwiggle writing for sure, maybe because you've gained in confidence by having loved and been loved? Also, you are a few years down the line with repeated contract experience and have had it proved to you that you are valued. Good luck with the job, there are still some out there, just not as many....what it's going to be like when all the public servants arrive I am just not thinking about but rates will plummet still further I suspect. You tried to leave your kink behind for love but now you know how intrinsic a part of you it is so it was a powerful lesson to take on board. I hope the girlfriend is ok, it must have been terribly difficult to comprehend but at least you've been honest to her and to yourself. Hugs. The nice lady with the whip. |
| 15 Nov 10, 12:46 PM rosarose UK(SG), 3 yrs |
yay hello and welcome back :o) xxx |
