This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Mon 25 Oct 10, 11:52 AM valleyrose17 UK(BS), 2 yrs  |
ok, I have been aware of my submissive tendencies for a year now - or at least thats when I finally put a name to it and decided to come "out". After joining IC I received the hundreds of emails that we ladies do when we first join and fairly rapidly met my first real Dom. Tall and intense, very intelligent and great fun, I realised almost immediately that I was submitting to him not just sexually but I respected his "authority" over me. It was NOT a great relationship - he has real issues that are too numerous and complicated to explain, the relationship became emotional and his inability to cope with that meant that it ended after 9 months. ok, so I have accepted that and know that it is time to move on and that it is a positive thing. I have met several other Doms for coffee and stuff and find that I don't feel at all submissive - they just don't have that air of authority - however my post is not about the difficulty of finding a Dom - it is - I don't understand how I can be so deeply submissive to someone. It goes far beyond play for me - I crave the control and the protection. Is there something wrong with me? Is this deep seated insecurity that I should try and resolve or is this just me and I should just accept it. I'm sorry for rambling on - it's hard to explain without sounding pathetic or upsetting others' feelings...
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| 25 Oct 10, 11:56 AM chastityslaveFE 2 yrs |
Aww no, it's just a sign that you really *are* a submissive and that when you meet the right person, they bring out that side of you. I don't really respect anyone, but I respect my Dom, it's all good  chastity xxx | |
| 25 Oct 10, 12:01 PM successfu1 5 yrs  |
Ouch. That does sound difficult. First thing I'd suggest is to identify what it was about the first guy that so capturedyour attention. Was it something specific he did? Something about his looks or smell? Confidence? The way you felt in his company? Or the fact he was the First True Dom in your life, which in my experience is rather like a first love- they cut deeper and in some ways everyone else gets held up to their standard and found wanting. If I ever figure out how to solve that beyond 'time heals' I'll make a fortune! In the meantime, maybe just have some fun, explore types of submission and socialise and you'll find a Mr. Even better. Hang on. It's not something to punish yourself about, some Doms just leave an imprint on us for better or worse. "Yes, but that's just not relevant.." | |
| 25 Oct 10, 12:06 PM dangerousdonkey 2 yrs |
Hi It sounds to me like you haven't got over the first Dom. You need to really put a lid on that and take your time. it is only when you have properly moved on that you will feel able to submit to someone new. | |
| 25 Oct 10, 12:06 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
I don't understand my dominance. But I do know that I met many subs and had no desire to be their D. And then I met c_b, and right from the off I wanted to control her, change her, protect her, adore her. I suspect it's as much about personal chemistry as any relationship - the only difference being that, if D/s is actually central to your happiness ( as it appears it is to mine), then, even if the buzz is there you need to know that you share opposite and complementary D/s goals. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) Edited 25 Oct 10, 12:07 PM by Belasarius | |
| 25 Oct 10, 12:17 PM Janice1970 UK(EC), 21 mths |
I personally think that in order to surrender yourself (mind and body) to somebody you need to have two things: a very strong connection and chemistry with the person and an absolute sense of trust to put yourself in his/her hands. Reading your post I could not help thinking that maybe you have not found the right person at all!
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| 25 Oct 10, 12:17 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
I think for some people its a matter of knowing one's place - in the great old universal scheme of things, you know - and finding comfort in that. It goes for all walks of life - there are roles, and there are natures, and there is the (sometimes) struggle to fit the two together, and the (blessed) liberation of one day finding the best match and living your Best Life. I'm a submissive soul. My happiness comes from having someone to admire and respect and look up to. To give my loyalty to. THATS the nature of my love, thats my natural way of loving, and its always best to live according to one's nature - in harmony with it. I'm also a tidy person, my happiness comes from finding untidy people to keep me busy tidying up after. Imagine if they were not in my life. I'd tidy up, once, and things would stay tidy. I'd go slowly mad looking at how tidy everywhere was, waiting and hoping for it to untidy itself. I love cooking, my happiness comes from being married to someone who lived off cheese when I first met her. I love being soft. So I seek strength to compare myself with, to compliment myself with, to shelter in and be able to be soft in, safely. That, to me, surely is wisdom? To seek a safe harbour? | |
| 25 Oct 10, 12:44 PM Altissimus UK(NW), 5 yrs |
I don't suppose you could manage a session a week at our place? | |
| 25 Oct 10, 12:57 PM meganne_in_spain UK(PR), 4 yrs |
THIS >>>>>>>> says it all really xxx
Nil Carborundum Illegitimo | |
| 25 Oct 10, 1:01 PM Pink_Freud UK(E), 20 mths |
I'm coming from much the same place as you so this will not exactly be objective. I've thought long and hard about why I am the way I am and have not come to any satisfactory conclusions. Is it genetic? Possibly. Tied to inherit personality traits? Probably. The result of formative experiences? Perhaps. The point is, it doesn't really matter how we got to be this way any more than it matters how we came to like the kinds of movies we do or be moved by certain music. It is what it is and all that. For me personally it most certainly is not an insecurity, and there is no more to resolve than there would be if I'd discovered I had a preference for women rather than men. I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that it's something not only to accept, but to embrace. It seems that BDSM is at the stage now where homosexuality was 50 years ago. There is so much disinformation, and I myself didn't realise what it was about beyond what's gratuitously portrayed in the popular media. I think it's particularly hard for female submissives because it looks superficially like the opposite of feminism, though it's not. But that's a different topic. In terms of that elusive "air of authority" - I know exactly what you mean. It's not something that can be pinpointed, but it's either there or not. I've tried looking for the source: is it in a firm voice? A look? The choice of words? It's any or all or none of those. It has to do with his quiet expectation - no, knowledge - that what he wants is the way it will be. The opposite of the genie: "my command is your wish."
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| 25 Oct 10, 1:06 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs |
I just had an epiphany. @Pink_Freud - copyright this or expect to see it used. I'd be so pleased if she thought that was the essence of my dominance.
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) |
