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| Taintedinnocence |
on Sun 24 Oct 10, 6:27 PM to the O_and_P group.
Ok, apologies for all that this may bore.
I've done some courses at work recently, and whilst I've learnt about this stuff a long while ago, I hadn't before thought about it in a D/s context.
Anyway, I would be interested to have your thoughts on whether the Cycle of Change: http://www.surreycounsellingservice.co.uk/html/c... is a useful model in the D/s context.
Most noticeable is the principle that change must come from within oneself - which is obviously sometimes different in D/s, although obviously submissives seek to please their dominants.
I was thinking about someone else on this course, but you may be glad to know that I can't remember it!
| 24 Oct 10, 6:36 PM Visualize UK(CV), 5 yrs |
Looks pretty much like a universal truth known for an extremely long time. Why wouldn't it apply to BDSM? | ||
| 24 Oct 10, 6:38 PM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs       |
I liked this quote at the side of the 'Cycle of Change' explanation:
I think that for people in our situation, it's more about the principles of our Doms that change our world. We all have a duty to find a good match for ourselves and so we can live our lives according to the principles of them, rather than our own. I think the changes that happen in our lives start with our dominants, but that they are often internal and we have some responsibility in helping them along at first, but there does come a point when it's too difficult for us to retain the control of this change then inner workings and our dominants take over this control and thus the change. Hope i've made sense, but i get ever continuing feelings that i make less and less sense the more i talk! x Ferris Bueller, you're my hero! Edited 24 Oct 10, 6:39 PM by mia | ||
| 25 Oct 10, 11:40 AM TheFalconer UK(S), 6 yrs |
I think it is relevant and I think that this kind of model can be useful to understand for a Dominant who wishes to change some aspect of a submissive's behaviour. I'd say that the fact that lasting change needs to come from within is still true in a D/s context and is something that should be accounted for as part of any plans for change. Broadly, it seems to me that there are two ways to affect a permanent change in a submissive's behaviour - one is enforcement, and the other is by helping/guiding the submissive to make the change internally. Of course, enforcement may lead the submissive to make the internal change anyway depending on the form the enforcement takes... Anyway - my point is that I think it's sensible for a Dom to have some understanding of how effecting a permanent change in behaviour works with practise, so that they can understand how they need to do something rather more than just saying "stop smoking" if they want their submissive to stop smoking. "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 25 Oct 10, 12:15 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs    |
A big difference, for me, is that, in my vanilla relationship, I could ask for and suggest change as much as i wanted. It was entirely up to her what she did about it - and if it was difficukt then, generally, she didn't. In my D/s relationships I could negotiate change to the point of good intentions, just as in vanilla, but from that point on, I could enforce it and, yes, both through encouragement and leadership and punishment.
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) |
