This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 13 Oct 10, 4:09 PM SuzieSquasher UK(M), 20 mths £  |
I think the value of 'experience' depends a lot on what it is referring to. If its related to a particular method of play or piece of equipment then its probably worth discussing. As an example, if I was looking for medical play I would want someone who had a lot of previous experience of the procedure they were carrying out on me. When its used as a general terms though I dont think it has very much value. Someone might have had hundreds of play partners and been disappointing to them all, or one or two and blown their mind. Hopefully someone with general 'experience' would have an open mind, be willing to compromise a little to make a scene work, have a fairly wide vocabulary of common terms and expressions etc but in practice it doesnt work like that. Sometimes the more years a person has under their belt the more set in their ways they become. Whats the answer? I dont know! I do know I would take realistic expectations and a good sense of humour over 'experience' any day of the week! Suzie xx htp://www.suziesquasher.com | |
| 13 Oct 10, 5:22 PM not_lost_still_lady UK(PE), 22 mths      |
I might as well take a shot at this too I have experienced a lot of things BUT still manage to get it wrong. There are some things that I seem to do well, but take blow jobs as an example, what gets one guy off does nothing for the next so you learn a new way. Move on to guy 3 and he wants different and so do 4, 5, 6 etc Yes, I spent nearly 3 years with my last master and learned his ways but it only means that I am experienced in his ways. I will have to start virtually from scratch in a new relationship, not just because he and his ways are new to me but also because I have not felt a cane or a hand or anything else on my behind for four months. That is my view from the bottom. . | |
| 13 Oct 10, 5:32 PM Rapunzel  UK(WC), 9 yrs  |
I think experience is important to me in a playmate, but my other important things are enthusiasm, intelligence and imagination. Sometimes you get all those together but two out of four aren't fatal. When I think of experience I tend to divide it into how *long* someone has been up to something and how *well* they do certain things. With some things, like caning, medical play or rope, I like the person using it to not accidentally cut me, chop off my arm or hang me. There are always times when something goes a bit wrong, but generally in physical play terms, experience helps and I am too selfish to enjoy being a guinea pig. At the same time all people on the scene still have things to learn and can always learn more, including me. I am always heartened that my main dom, who has been playing for over 30 years and is good at it, enjoyed learning new things and has no hang up with being shown something new by someone younger or 'less experienced' than him. It's attitude to learning that counts, not number of years. Rapunzel - all round bad girl.... Fawcett Hall Lowewood Academy A Kinky Girl's Guide to Life Follow me on Twitter @FawcettHall (if you have nothing better to do!) | |
| 13 Oct 10, 6:27 PM fellatrix UK, 2 yrs |
I'm not sure I need to judge experience. I think compatibilty is far more important. (but then I'm coming from the viewpoint of a relationship rather than casual play) | |
| 13 Oct 10, 6:50 PM saraxx UK, 7 yrs |
So with you there. When I first delved into the world of BDSM a few years ago I had a vague understanding that I was inherently submissive within relationships. I also thought that I needed to meet someone who had quite a bit of BDSM experience. I have subsequently come to the realisation that BDSM experience means diddly squat to me - what matters is that someone that I am attracted to (and vica verca of course) is inherently dominant to my inherent submissiveness within relationships. Whether they can perform competent rope-work, caning etc. matters not a jot (as these things don't interest me). 'A woman, without her man, is nothing. | |
| 13 Oct 10, 9:52 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
Experience can't effectively be quantified. Only you (the partner) can make a judgement as to whether a person is sufficiently/appropriately experienced. In any case, having an open mind and being willing and able to learn from one's experiences are far more important than the number of hours on the clock/number of partners. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | |
| 15 Oct 10, 8:32 AM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
Speaking as a relatively but not wholly inexperienced person (some might say fantasist), I think willingness and responsiveness and openness to discovery and ability to learn (quickly / slowly) about the specific partner are just as important as experience. But that might be wishful thinking. I'm sure experience is important too, especially in practical areas like use of equipment and safety considerations. But for the interpersonal side of interacting, I expect the most important experience is to know how varied people are in their preferences, and that what works for one may not work for another. To the OP: probably best not to let it play on your mind. Just be yourself, be open about experience levels and also hopes and desires, open to opportunities and surprise and exploration and serendipity. Best wishes. ETA: I see others (including Top Class and relaxed1) have said similar things. Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/ Edited 15 Oct 10, 8:35 AM by wonderer | |
| 15 Oct 10, 8:45 AM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
I value life experience, or, more specific, experience in (hopefully D/s type) long term relationships. "Technical" experience is not that important to me. Or even important at all. Cause the amount of technical experience doesnt say anything about the possible compatibillity I could have with a partner. Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash. (Harriet Rubin) | |
| 15 Oct 10, 9:15 AM Muzzlehatch UK(TN), 7 yrs |
Life is a series of experiences both good and bad. How you react to, and what you learn from every experience, goes a long way to making you the person that you are. Raw talent also has to be taken into account. Take dancing as an example. Some people have rhythm, others will always cross the floor looking as if they have one foot in a bucket. Practice helps, but that lack will show through. Owner of The Croppery Dungeon and Breakfast. Organises The St Leonards munch Promotes The Club with no name | |
| 15 Oct 10, 9:44 AM Captain_Sensible UK(WV), 20 mths |
Usually by assessing how knowledgable and competent a person is with the task they are presented with - always bearing in mind that anyone can talk a good job!(builders make it a life skill) Each a glimpse and gone forever. |
