This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Tue 12 Oct 10, 3:45 PM slave2ma UK, 5 yrs |
I am sure several of you have had to cope with this change and I would welcome advice as I find life very difficult and feel isolated, inadequate perhaps even selfish for thinking I need help My Mistress is seriously unwell and has several emergency admissions to hospital. There is hope of a transplant but each admission seems to me to drive away that hope. I used to say I was a man of straw as My Mistress of many years saw to everything now She is ill and I need to change the role from a passive sub to at least support I don't begrudge that change and would do everything in my power for her but I need to feel more positive Any real help especially by memo would be really appreciated Thanks It's always the hangnails of life that drag you down |
| 12 Oct 10, 4:03 PM FindYourVoice UK(SY), 2 yrs   |
Hi, I am no way qualified to offer you any advice, but I hope that the thought that you are doing this for her and showing her how much she means to you will give you the strength and support you need. Meanwhile I offer my condolences and best wishes for both of you. It seems to me that you are already doing the right thing by seeking help and support from others and communicating as much as possible. J |
| 12 Oct 10, 4:19 PM NewDirection UK(BH), 4 yrs |
I totally support what FindYourVoice has said. Your Mistress has been your support for a long time. Now, in her hour of need you MUST, out of sheer loyalty, find it within you to give her the support that she in turn needs albeit that it means a drastic change of focus on your part. From what you have already said I know that you can do it. The best of luck to both of you. NewDirection |
| 15 Oct 10, 5:02 PM valiant1 UK(ST), 7 yrs |
^ What they said^. Try to get your head around the idea that being strong for your dominant and supporting them is just another form of devotion. I think in some ways, this parallels an experience many of us have with our parents. When we are young, they nurture, control and guide us, as they age, we come to care for them. Perhaps if you search for advice on that topic, you might find some helpful guidance. Meanwhile, my best wishes to both of you in coping with this trial. |
| 15 Oct 10, 5:51 PM entortiller UK(M), 2 yrs |
Sending both of you much strength at this time. As has already been said, it is time to give what your Mistress needs from you right now. That is a major role of a sub/slave. You probably feel at a loss not only as you have to deal with this huge change, emotional distress at her being ill but having to make so many decisions for yourself suddenly. Perhaps by refocusing on taking care of her right now that can help you overcome this new situation. Surround yourself with good friends and supportive people, remember to look after yourself so you can look after her. I really do hope that everything works out for the best for you. Free my mind and my ass will follow. |
| 15 Oct 10, 5:58 PM Arbuthnot UK(E), 7 yrs |
Never having been submissive, I can only imagine how it must be a difficult transition to become the other person's rock and source of strength in bad times. Would it help to see it as a different form of service,perhaps superficially focused on small, practical, things, and allowing the moral support, sustenance and strength she needs to be derived from that subliminally? Whether that thought is any use or not, my best wishes to you both. |
| 15 Oct 10, 6:59 PM Xenolith UK(OL), 2 yrs |
I have been in the situation where my partner was extremely ill. For me even though we had family and medical support it was the hardest time of my life, so I can empathise and talk with some similar experience. My advice is to seek help, from family, related professionals, and charity organisations. No one can do it alone, for you to give her the support she needs you need support yourself. Think of her first, but think of yourself also, if you become ill yourself from taking everything on your own shoulders, you will become weak and of no use to her. As far as you're used to being the sub and not making decisions, you need to now see you're self as her nurse. I was and am Dom, not really nurse like, but I became my wife's carer, and it was my job to make sure she had anything she needed that was in my power to get. I had to become emotionally stronger than I ever imagined and carry on with all the daily routines as well as provide emotional support to her. I'm sure as a submissive you can fit into the carer role, you can serve her by doing all the things she does not have the energy for, you can ask her what needs doing and then be strong and get about doing it. But most of all just be there for her, your companionship will mean far more to her now. She needs someone with her who she knows intimately, and who knows her intimately. W hen she is surrounded by medics and strangers, having you to hold her hand will be the best thing she can have. |
| 16 Oct 10, 12:07 AM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
What everyone has said: Being strong is a service thing for a sub. I offer up my capable, competent, self to my Master's service, every day. I am pleased to do things for him, hope to impress him by my ability to organise, to follow his instructions, to ease his daily life wherever I can. And I feel his necessary control in my daily acts of service and submission. How much more should we serve when our dominant is in need? We can be their fierce protectors and champions, as well as the passive instruments of their amusement when they choose. It is not unseemly to serve by being the strong one, the comforter, the rock they need. Subs and slaves are strong people. We have to be. I hope the OP can find contentment in subsuming himself into that form of service. It cannot be easy though. The trick, I imagine, is to find the submission in whatever tasks are required. And the love. |
| 16 Oct 10, 7:55 AM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
And I'm sure a good few dominant men have had this other way round - their long term sub cannot serve them as is very ill and the dom has to see to her needs. You can look on it as dom or sub really. In your situation if you are caring for her that's fairly sub anyway and being submissive doesn't mean not being strong and unable to cope with things so I'm sure you will rise to the challenge. |
| 16 Oct 10, 9:25 AM Degenerate  UK(M), 5 yrs   |
I know this situation and it soon sorts out the people in it for themselves and what they 'get' out of their dominant and the people in real two way relationships. 'Course, it's not like WE don't spend oodles of our time dishing out support is it.. This situation has both opportunities to show your love and show yourself up - which you choose is up to you. Your response will be very appreciated or not accordingly as it's pretty clear from the other person's side. De Vote to repeal the kinky porn ban! http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/282427/ Edited 16 Oct 10, 9:29 AM by Degenerate |
| 16 Oct 10, 10:08 AM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
Yes, as others have said. Submission and service don't have to be passive. Indeed I think the sort of dominance which requires passivity in a sub is quite unusual. Very best wishes to your Mistress as she faces potentially worrying and unsettling circumstances. And best wishes to you in finding the resources to provide her with whatever sort of support and devotion is most appropriate. Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/ Edited 16 Oct 10, 10:09 AM by wonderer |
