This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 6 Oct 10, 1:16 PM Pink_Freud UK(E), 20 mths  |
Thanks - I think you're right about this. We do need something that will work long-term rather than just a short-term fix. | ||
| 6 Oct 10, 1:17 PM Pink_Freud UK(E), 20 mths |
Thank you - I've replied by memo. | ||
| 6 Oct 10, 1:23 PM janusxuk UK(HP), 7 yrs  |
As the above posters have said above, there are many forms of relationships that allow a person "blessed" with kink needs to fulfil those needs outside their primary relationship which work to a greater or lesser extent. What I wanted to add is that what makes them work well is the effort put in to maintaining the primary relationship. The person going away needs to remember that they still have a role in the original relationship to fulfil, and it is harder to do that than it is to develop the new relationship, especially when the day to day frustrations and dissappointments of normal life have to be dealt with. Many days one day | ||
| 6 Oct 10, 1:29 PM Pink_Freud UK(E), 20 mths |
Thanks - you raise a good point. I suppose in that sense it's not different from a "normal" affair; everything's bright and shiny and new, and the primary relationship looks dull in comparison. But he's the one who's cleaned up baby sick, and supported me when I went back to uni, and loved me longer than any other. I don't want to lose sight of all that. Ever. | ||
| 6 Oct 10, 7:37 PM DrTaps AQ, 10 yrs |
I haven't read all the posts so this may have been suggested already, but perhaps rather than BDSM, perhaps a Taken In Hand type relationship might work? Good luck ETA that this doesn't have to include any physical discipline but having a head of household who looks after your well being and you look after his but he (in this case) has the final say and he (in this case) sets the rules. More along the lines of D/s in BDSM terms. It can include fun things such as orgasm control and other regulatory things that your husband wants to have and gets fun from having control over. Edited 6 Oct 10, 8:06 PM by DrTaps | ||
| 6 Oct 10, 8:57 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
It really depends on how you are submissive, how much you want to subsume yourself in service of another, what parts of D/s are important to you, how far you want to be controlled. Because if you go down the outside route, and devote yourself to serving someone outside your primary relationship, you need to know that it may destroy your marriage, and make you a different person from the one you thought you were. My marriage is effectively over, because I blithely thought I could be someone's slave and stay committed to a husband who cannot control me and hurt me as I need my partner to do. I fell madly in love with my Master, which was among my major mistakes, but the kind of slave I turned out to be probably can only function in that way: Because it is so total for me, the urge to obey, to throw my life into his service, every moment. And to be hurt and abused too. If I could spend every waking minute at his feet I would do so. Obviously I never expected any of that. I thought it would be fun and naughty and strangely alluring. So I advise you to be very careful, very sure that you have to have domination by another in your life, prepared for unintended consequences, if you decide to deal with it by going outwith your marriage. You may have no idea, even now, how far you need to submit. Or it may work out great. All things are possible, as these boards show so frequently. I have no regrets, by the way. It has ruined my marriage and often makes me unhappy, but I wouldn't have missed discovering my slave identity, and developing this relationship with my Master, for anything in the world.
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| 6 Oct 10, 9:04 PM Telesto UK, 8 yrs |
I quite understand why people reply direct by memo rather than post on the boards. what I don't understand is why people have to tell everyone else they've sent a memo! | ||
| 7 Oct 10, 12:24 AM Vareox UK, 2 yrs |
A prime example of why you need to be very careful with the choice of dominant partner if you go down this route, it needs to be someone who understands the ground rules from the start and wont take advantage of the often very intense feelings that d/s can create. | ||
| 7 Oct 10, 1:03 AM Lady_Lancashire 23 mths £ |
I have known a few married couples where they team up with someone who can give the D/s to the wife while the husband is present. He certainly sounds like a real gem, as do you. Good Luck.x The Red Rose Whispers Of Passion (J o'B R) | ||
| 7 Oct 10, 6:36 AM Cinnamon_Tart UK(S), 8 yrs |
I have been through this, and like you, was, and remain, keen to preserve my marriage. If you need another woman to talk with, I'd be happy to. Best of luck. It really can be done. Lovely to see you receiving kind and helpful suggestions from relevant people. Ic is not always so sensible! I am, allegedly, a collection of safe orifices. Go me! |
