Posted by Elvenkind
on Wed 6 Oct 10, 12:41 AM to Elvenkind's blog.
I'm a free woman.Yipee, my friends cry. I've made new friendships, got a new house for me and the wee man, added to the household in the form of 2 siamese cats and life is generally pretty good within my vanilla life.
My dilemma.... I feel quite scared and hesitant about entering into anything bdsm related. I feel that after my marriage breakdown and pending divorce after 15 yrs together, that i wont measure up to another domiant.
Am i too conditioned to one dominants ways, that i'd find it hard to connect in a D/s sense?
I'd love to feel that closeness when your working as a d/s team, its an awesome feeling i so desire to feel again.
I'm sorry this post is all over the place, but, so are my feelings on entering another bdsm/ d/s relationship.
Any advice gratefully recieved.
A little bdsm confused Elvenkind, aka arwen.
xxx
| 6 Oct 10, 1:06 AM Litany UK(E), 11 yrs  |
I dont think your scared about a new Dominant, it sounds to me your scared of your new life , which os totally understandable, after 15 years you are scared of being with a new partner,and all it entails , notjust BDSM compatibility. just relax , dont rush , take your time Arwen, you will come around soon enough , but only at your own pace. Lit LGMOYU "Litany, a poncy show-off with wit, a camera, and his own teeth *swoon*"
Fen "You have some strange taste in music"
Me "If I didn't, I wouldn't be half as interesting" |
| 6 Oct 10, 1:12 AM Lady_Lancashire 23 mths £ |
Post-Divorce self esteem issues. Sounds like you've slayed a few dragons recently. You should be feeling good about yourself and not even considering 'measuring up'. Enjoy being (the new?) you and celebrate yourself. Everything else is far less important and will fall into place in your wake. The Red Rose Whispers Of Passion (J o'B R) |
| 6 Oct 10, 9:18 AM Chrome_Bitch 8 yrs |
Babes if i was you I'd take time out to get your head sorted... The scene aint going anywhere Be happy with who you are first.... you cant make anyone else happy unless you are inside... To me you have issues with yourself and how other see you... Of you meet someone that you is ment to be with ...it will click if not ... dust yerself off and try again But tbh a time out sounds good
Your a peach babe (if not abit mental...but in a good way huggage
Never test the depth of water with both feet! |
| 6 Oct 10, 9:53 AM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs |
I don't think you would be set in one dominants way, every relationship is different, you may compare at the start of a relationship and that will be the difficult part. You have to stop yourself from doing that and it's hard. Are you ready to jump back in? I don't know how long it has been since you have split up, but there is no need to rush things. Maybe start out by going to come munches and/or clubs. write yourself a list of what you want from a dominant and stick to it don't settle for second best, If people know you are free then the memo's will start flooding in from all single men, Dominant and Sub alike. hope that helps a little
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| 6 Oct 10, 11:24 AM goodghirl UK, 8 yrs |
you measure up just by being you honey your a special girl don't lose sight of that xxx |
| 6 Oct 10, 1:49 PM celeste13 UK(SN), 6 yrs |
i am in a similar situation myself, having recently come out of a LTR and am now venturing back into BDSM. Do it at your own pace. Do what feels right. If it doesn't feel right, stop. i am taking things very slowly, in fact almost at a crawl. Luckily, i have found a Dominant who is fully appraised of my history and is happy to "crawl" with me, so i don't feel pressured or out of my depth. And it is wonderful. Follow your heart re: BDSM and allow yourself time for healing. i have found i can do both, but i remain self-aware and have a very understanding Dominant. Best of luck and please feel free to memo me, if you would like to chat further. c xx
i'm not cheap, but i'm on special this week. |
| 7 Oct 10, 12:28 AM ThePhilanthropist 4 yrs |
Hi, 
it's nice to read you, although you seem to go through a rough patch... For the little I know, I've got the impression you did well to move out & get a new home... Your separation has been brewing for quite a while. You have been very brave, it's not an easy decision to make. I believe you are on the "rebound". You have been with the same person for 15 years, it's inevitable that if you get involved with someone you will compare him with your ex-partner... So, maybe for the time being you should try to be as happy as you can considering the cicumstances... Time will heal... I realise it's not easy, but then nothing is easy, life is not easy...
You've got friends... Enjoy your friends company. One morning you'll wake up feeling good, ready for a new adventure... Take care I'm only a filthy philanderer... |
) and always be a pleasure to know. i'm sure you will be fine ... take you time
