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| ScarlettDeWinter |
So, in the spirit of honesty (and I can be honest from now on, I suppose) I thought I'd write a blog.
My mother, whilst looking for something on her old laptop which is now mine, found everything. And I mean everything.
Blog
Emails
Informed Consent
And of course, once she'd read the first (a travel itinerary which demonstated that I was not going to Paris with my boyfriend, but with a much older man) she read everything else. Everything.
So when I came home this evening they sat me down for a chat. Asked me why I'd lied about being in Paris. And I confessed. I told them that I'm into BDSM (they had to ask for a definition of what that is). That it's like being gay, it's a part of your soul. Told them that I've known my whole life and that being on the scene has utterly fulfilled me.
My Father looked (and still looks) utterly shell shocked. My mother asked intelligent questions and tried to understand but still couldn't quite help thinking that her dear sweet daughter was being horrifically taken advantage of.
How do you explain to your parents that just because the men in your life are vastly older than you that they are not taking advantage of you? How do you make them see that you are ecstatically happy with your life and that you're not naive and silly, that you're in control?
I know that I shouldn't have lied, but it's the old cliché. They're not angry, they're disappointed, and that is so, so much worse.
| 27 Sep 10, 10:00 PM Filth_Wizard UK(RM), 8 yrs  |
Unfortunately, I don't think there's a quick answer. Time is usually the best proof of all. Take solace in the fact that neither of your parents have tried to throw you out, excommunicate you or the like. I hope everything works out for the best, for everyone. I don't mean this in a bad way, but genetically you are a cul-de-sac. Edited 27 Sep 10, 10:01 PM by Filth_Wizard | |
| 27 Sep 10, 10:37 PM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
Your parents are primarily concerned about you, your happiness, your wellbeing. So the way to reassure them is to show them that you are well, that you are happy, that this is not going to derail your studies (I am sure that is something they are worrying about!). So maybe pay a bit more attention to them - if you normally call or email them or visit, do it just a bit more frequently, show them that you are happy, that you have normal student stresses and anxieties, that your kinky side doesn't change the fact that you are their daughter and they are very important to you. Good luck! | |
| 27 Sep 10, 10:44 PM FairyGirl UK(YO), 3 yrs   |
My mother still drops hints about how she'll disown me if I ever decide to be gay - never mind the rest of this BDSM lark! But seriously - if they haven't hit the roof, it's likely to be an awkward few months. At least you're off to Uni and will be escaping them! I lied to my parents about meeting Fawcett and it all went horribly wrong. My mother cried when she found out I was meeting *a* guy in London. Never mind an older guy with a wife who was going to beat me and then fuck me, in London! It was awkward, but other than me saying "I met him through this friend and it's fine, I'm staying at his house, here's the address," they never found anything more out. At least, not yet. I'm sure something will scupper me one day!
Chin up pretty lady xxx "Nothing saves anyone's life, Sir. It just postpones their death." - Posner , The History Boys. | |
| 27 Sep 10, 10:45 PM lady_jadell UK(PR), 23 mths |
I was lucky in the fact my parents are quite excepting my dad takes the mickey and my mum says not my cup of tea but whatever. considering your dilemma im sure they'll come around to it, at least your mother tried to ask questions it shows a willingness to understand. Time to get used to the idea is probably all thats needed or a health dose of denial..lol | |
| 27 Sep 10, 11:07 PM Grasshopper UK(SE), 2 yrs |
This is why I used to lie to my parents about everything. Made things much easier. Basically as I am seeink it, Ray, the problem is that you are not callink your girlfriend for five months. You see, the hot babies like to feel wanted. If you are not callink them on the phone for a while, it is like a way of saying "you are worst song, played on ugliest guitar" | |
| 27 Sep 10, 11:14 PM ThedaVamp UK, 6 yrs |
I told my mother the morning after I attended my very first fetish club, squealing "you'll never guess what I did last night!" Howeever, despite being open, honest, introducing family to my fet friends and vice versa and everyone being fine and dandy about it, 10 years later my mother remains concerned, no matter how much reassurance and explanations are presented to her. She always knew I was 'unusual' (since the age of 14 when SHE took me to Rocky Horror for my birthday!) and for some reason, during the time I was married, she assumed I had 'normal' sex with my then husband and had left all that pervy stuff behind me. Not much else to do. It's your life, and you can't change your parents, you can just reassure them you're taking care of yourself and leave it at that. Vote for the repeal of the Extreme Pornography Laws | |
| 28 Sep 10, 12:13 AM Doghouse_Reilly UK(MK), 6 yrs |
Nobody is ever going to believe that a vastly older man isn't taking advantage of you and if you ever have a daughter and she ends up with a vastly older man you'll think the exact same thing. It's science. Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. | |
| 28 Sep 10, 1:36 AM Lord_Gobbimort 6 yrs |
Do the healthy thing like i did when my folks found out and sweep it under a carpet and never speak of it again. commitment is like ham and eggs. the chicken makes a contribution, the pig makes a commitment. | |
| 28 Sep 10, 6:41 AM Rapunzel  UK(WC), 9 yrs |
I am inclined to agree with this. Many people think that where there is a large age gap in a relationship that the younger person is at a disadvantage. However, you know this not to be true, whatever others might think - and it's not just non-scene people that have expressed this to you as a thought. What you have to focus on is that when people don't understand, they will often think the worst and nobody apart from you can see how caring both those older men have been and how much you have felt fulfilled by it. So your next move is to shown that you are not fucked up but that you are a senitent human being who can run her own life - and that you would like their understanding but you don't need their approbation. Because you are a grown up, not a child and your life is your business. And the best thing now? No need to lie, which can be very corrosive. Rapunzel - all round bad girl.... Fawcett Hall Lowewood Academy A Kinky Girl's Guide to Life Follow me on Twitter @FawcettHall (if you have nothing better to do!) | |
| 28 Sep 10, 7:35 AM Malbon UK(LS), 8 yrs |
Ouch. Even if its your parents it's still a gross violation of your privacy. Mum still has admin rights on the laptop perhaps? Always difficult for Mum and Dad to adjust to the idea that you aren't the sweet little girl anymore and have mutated into a nasty ole adult. Even harder to get used to the idea that you have turned into a perverted weirdo. No easy way out of this one, really. One can only guess, but I would imagine they will see your involvement in this as transgressive and dysfunctional, indicative of some deep seated psychological problem etc etc etc. They will be very worried about whether you are ok, and whether you are, as mentioned, being manipulated and exploited by the evil, slavering older men. Perhaps they will feel they have failed in some awful way for you to have turned out so very peculiar. I would suggest that you just need to get them to understand that actually you are ok, thanks very much, you just have a rather spicy and unusual leisure interest, which is your choice, and which you control. It may seem weird to them, but it is your choice, and your sexuality is your private business. Still, a rather uncomfortable experience for everybody no doubt. Ouch, and not in a good way... 'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' - Harry M. Warner, 1927 |
