Getting over it (42)

When a relationship ends badly and you meet someone you like, do you then ignore your feelings of hurt from the previous relationship, can that person help you get over your trust issues or do you stick to the idea of not having a relationship for a while until you feel better?

Then, if you meet someone you like, try to be open and honest without dumping your remaining baggage. Easier said than done.

It helps, of course, if that person also has done the same thing. Sadly, especially for women, being single is seen as being unwanted - and that is often total bullshit.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Edited 27 Sep 10, 1:04 PM by Beverley

Being able to know WHY is the key to being able to move on.

I am not implying that there was anyone at fault, but only knowing the roots of your pain is going to help you to build a better one next time.

I would not use another person to help me in that journey though.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

briefly; don't ignore them - make sure you're studiously aware of them, don't ask or rely on anyone else to help you come to terms with them, and only enter a new relationship when you're fully able to do justice to it on its own terms (ie: when you have accepted and reconciled yourself with the emotions relating to the last one)

I've bounced into relationships of some sort that have ended up on the scrap heap losing friendships along the way whilst in search of perfection.

I dont blame anyone else but me for my failures.

So tell your friend to get her/his head sorted out before she/he jumps back into the swimming pool because all she/he will find is that they end up sinking to the bottom and feeling even crappier than with the original relationship.

And i should know.

begging is my business

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I have been single for approx 18 months now, mainly through choice I may add! I was hurt badly and needed time to re establish the real me, and not facade I was hiding behind.

I could have bounded into a few relationships by now, but I have been shown I was not ready on the build up to them. As soon as someone did something the tiniest bit out of the normal I thought there was something a miss and questioned it.

I totally understand the thought of being single is being unwanted. I was having a one of those moments last night. This morning I realise the only thing I do not have in my life is a partner. I have EVERYTHING else I need. Health, wealth and friends of all creeds and sorts.

I would be stupid to throw all that away to go running into a relationship...as I have previously. Lesson learnt!

Best of luck to the person in need.

edited to answer the OP in a bit more detail.

It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it
"Russian roulette is not the same without a gun and baby when its love, if it's not rough ,then it is not fun"

Edited 27 Sep 10, 3:34 PM by River_Deep

I've been hurt in the past and it took time to get over it and once I was happier within myself I let myself move on. Rebounds never good and it's not something I would ever do, I always give myself space, sometimes it can be years, months or weeks, it depends on the person I guess.

Hurt feelings should never be ignored, they should be given time to heal, if not they will find a way to resurface at somepoint down the line and cause even more unhappiness. Each person has to find what's right for them in moving forward but for me I could never let someone else into my life and share it with them, if I wasn't 100% certain that I was at least happy within myself. As it's one thing me being hurt and unhappy on the inside but I'd hate to drag someone else into it and hurt them accidently while I was still dealing with issues unresolved.

So for me I'd say let yourself heal, be happy within yourself then move forward with someone new.