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| 9 Sep 10, 10:41 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs        |
I have always considered you a wise woman and the above does not change that. Question, do you consider it is easier to express your dominance because you are a woman? I've always excused myself for being a bit fey in that I'm conditioned to tip toe around society's sensibilities. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |
| 9 Sep 10, 1:00 PM Hartless UK(S), 2 yrs   |
That's a really interesting question I've never felt my gender to be an issue when I've struggled with dominance or sadism. Actually I'd say my femaleness is something I enjoy within dominance as I adore slipping in and out of the nurturing and loving mindset to the abusive and evil mindset. It's the mothering alpha female she-wolf in me that allows for both protectiveness and aggression. There's a sense of female strength there that feels like a really positive image for me and it's one I've always identified with. I don't have to deal with the issue that society in general might look at my behaviour and consider it abusive in the same way that I imagine male dominants do. I have been more aware recently at how my behaviour is viewed as one of my partners is coming out to a lot of his friends about bdsm and I don't want them to think I'm abusive! I want them to see how much love and happiness this brings us. To be honest though, so much of what I do is done in private that I don't worry about how others view my relationships in that sense.
I grew up in a strong female environment where female strength and capabilities were valued, so it feels natural to me to take the dominant role in my relationships. Although I'm aware of making sure I'm not crossing lines into abusive behaviour, I don't seem to be sensitive to worrying about it as the positive reactions of my partners reinforce that everybody is having a bloody good time | |
| 9 Sep 10, 1:22 PM janusxuk UK(HP), 7 yrs |
Hell yeah! Coming from the a culture of "little janus, stop that, nice boys don't hit girls"* through to "rape and wife beating is bad kids m'kay" finding out that I like doing this, that I want to do it repeatedly to my significant other** was a real worry. Initially I used ways to make out she deserved it - by which I mean a consensual system of demerits, but now I'm ok with getting my rocks off the way I want to. What's changed is that I am aware this worries me, that I know it needs her ongoing consent for me to continue this behaviour. I hit girls because they want me to, not just because I want to. *</mother> Edited 9 Sep 10, 1:25 PM by janusxuk | |
| 9 Sep 10, 1:29 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs |
I think I'm less worried by the "getting my rocks off" bit, which we both enjoy, than by using corporal punishment as dispute resolution. It's something she consents to, uncomfortably, but something that, in this day and age is counter-intuitive: We both know her refusal would weaken our relationship and dynamic and it seems to work - but I sometimes feel insecure applying it, even when I know it's necessary - and i think that may be because she doesn't have reciprocal rights (She isn't going to get any either). My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |
| 9 Sep 10, 6:31 PM john_nelson UK(GL), 5 yrs |
I started a 'power exchange' relationship with an ex colleague. She is a very kind caring individual and this is intrinsic to her perception of herself. She took to being dominnant like a duck to water but she used to feel guilty about it - especially setting me large written tasks. She has got over this now and really enjoys it. |
urging me on. However, my other partner is not a masochist and the sadistic urges that are directed at her have limited scope at the moment. This isn't a problem as she's good for other things 
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