This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.
| Wed 8 Sep 10, 8:52 PM Newmastermatt UK(W), 2 yrs  |
Hello, like many I have been interested in sub/ dom dynamics for sometime but I had not really embraced it for a whole host of reasons. What I would like to ask is, are (or were) people worried about letting their dominant side 'out'. In the sense that they were concerned about discovering what they were capable of? I'm attracted to thoughts regarding spanking, caning, hair pulling etc. Compared to some other activities I know that these are not strong stuff but just wondered if people were a bit apprehensive about 'letting the genie out of the bottle'. I suppose that this questions applies to subs as well but from the opposite perspective. Sorry if this subject has been covered before | |
| 8 Sep 10, 9:01 PM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs |
Yep...I've had a scary moment or two... but it's worth it. Self discovery like this cannot be a bad thing so long as you are being honest with yourself and your playmate. Kali x It's pronounced 'Car-Lee' *G* | |
| 8 Sep 10, 9:04 PM not_lost_still_lady UK(PE), 18 mths      |
All my life I thought that I was abnormal Age 50 I discovered that what I am has a name and everything fell into place. I used to think I was serving humanity...and I pleasured in the thought. Then I discovered that humanity does not want to be served; on the contrary it resents any attempt to serve it. So now I do what pleases ? | |
| 8 Sep 10, 9:11 PM Sister_of_Cain UK, 6 yrs  |
Yep, everyone's worried and when it goes wrong you might withdraw, but eventually it will go right.
Honesty is always the best policy.(Says someone who is rediscovering themselves, I should listen to my own advice) It's just as bad for a sub too, danger and all that, for a dom, accusations etc. Best of luck to you. Edited 8 Sep 10, 9:13 PM by Sister_of_Cain | |
| 8 Sep 10, 9:14 PM MissSuzy UK(SO), 2 yrs |
I am totally submissive to my Mistress and only to her. The things we have done together and just from chatting has changed my life. It has made me a more confident, self assured and dominant person when I am not with her. The thing is this is the way my Mistress saw things going right from the start. So now I am exploring my dom side with others. Suzy Smith | |
| 9 Sep 10, 8:59 AM Miss_Poppins UK(RG), 2 yrs |
As others have said, don't worry about it too much. For the sane and caring individual it just has to feel a tiny little bit strange to want to hurt people... The good thing is that there are plenty of people out there who love to be hurt. How can something be wrong that other people love?! Obviously you have to find those people, but that goes without saying 
I love hurting people, it's absolutely awesome. First time I realised was when I waxed my best friends legs. lol. Since I also enjoy pain, I perfectly understand that my desire to hurt matches someone else's desire to be hurt. So it's all good Hab keine Angst, einen großen Schritt zu machen, wenn dies nötig ist. Ein Abgrund lässt sich nicht mit zwei kleinen Sprüngen überqueren (David Lloyd George). | |
| 9 Sep 10, 9:33 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
Set aside hurting people for a moment (I discover I enjoy hurting her more and more - which has surprised me), I have constantly had difficulties expressing my Dominess, rather than my dominance.
C_b is constantly telling me off, in a respectful way of course But, with c_b, of course, my dominance - though based on mutual respect - is expressed, agreed and understood. So, why oh why do I constantly find myself making remarks like "Gosh, you really do like to be taken" or "You didn't want me to offer you a choice, did you?". We strive, and there is little wishy-washy about who we are, but I still struggle sometimes with the yin and yang of submission and dominance: I am learning that it is necessary to take, rather than just to accept, what is given. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |
| 9 Sep 10, 10:17 AM Top_Class UK(GU), 2 yrs |
Archived - original available on request. "Fork handles?" "No, not 'fork handles' ... four candles." Edited 11 Dec 10, 11:25 PM by Top_Class | |
| 9 Sep 10, 10:22 AM Ama_Sidero  UK(GU), 6 yrs      |
I don't think that sounds wishy-washy. I think it sounds like 1) getting feedback without having a heavy feedback discussion and 2) teasing and 3) caring about your partner. IMHO, it would only be wishywashy if you always adjust everything you do according to the responses she gives. I somehow don't think you do. Hants/Berks/Surrey borders, BDSM All Day Play Party - 26/09/10 http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/278057/: details of the first party! | |
| 9 Sep 10, 10:26 AM Dandyphile UK(NG), 2 yrs |
I used to try to fight it. I'd look at Eric Stanton illustrations and idolise the women, but I was terrified about giving up my femininity, as I was under the impression that that meant 'floaty' and 'weak'. I was terrible at pretending to be twee. Believe me, when I first had an orgasm denied I KNEW I was domme! I can also remember the last time I was spanked over a bench in some ridiculous schoolgirl costume (urrgh!), I was simply argumenative, non-compliant and unwilling. I had to make him stop as I was going to kick him fully in the balls. I hated seeing women allowing themselves to be degraded in porn and BDSM films/photos. I wanted them to rebel and fight back. I never wanted to be a simpering school girl. I wanted to be s She Wolf of the SS!!! A Disney Baddie! A Silver-Screen Femme-Fatale Diva. I have now accepted that femininty comes in many different forms, and have swapped girlishness for being womanly. The majority of male doms I met were cunts. I find it very difficult to take them seriously now. It makes me laugh. I would use submission to manipulate men in order to get what I wanted. When I didn't get that I would go MENTAL. Now, if I want something, I go after it! | |
| 9 Sep 10, 10:37 AM Hartless UK(S), 21 mths   |
I've never been worried about letting my dominant side out. I do consider my actions and the consequences of them, both for myself and the person I am being dominant towards, and I believe I act ethically and with love towards my partners. Sometimes I am surprised at the power of my dominant side and what I can achieve, and sometimes I'm aware I'm having an effect on people around me without meaning to, but its not caused any negative consequences so far. I have in the past struggled with the sadistic aspects of my personality. I came to the very basic conclusion that as long as I stick within my own personal moral boundaries, and that I can control myself, then I'm not doing anything I'd consider wrong or abusive. Allowing the sadist come out to play with consenting adults has led to some of the most exciting experiences of my life, and I don't want to give that up over irrational fears about not being able to control it. I do reserve the right to have the occasional strop over being a bit wrong in the head, but mostly just for the amusement of my partners. The reality of it is that I love causing pain and I love that both of my partners feel a desire to take that for me.
Recently, I've been living in the same house as a masochistic partner and I've been aware of an increase in my sadistic and violent urges. This works well for us as he is more than willing to take what I want to do, and is somewhat foolishly |
, for expressing things to my mother, to friends, etc as statements of fact ("I shall come and stay on Saturday", rather than "May I..."): Apparently my social skills lack in this regard.