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| relaxed1 |
on Sun 22 Aug 10, 8:59 PM to relaxed1's blog.
I was reading a thread about the declaration of love during sex, and it reminded me of something that has perhaps been to my detriment – the random declaration of 'love'.
I have always loved being in love, with the quivering feeling that it brings, the warmth of someone else with whom one is entangled. But in truth, I have probably only been 'in love' a few times in my life. Recalling those times brings back happy, and sometimes painful, memories.
The last time I can remember saying those three words, it resulted in me being dumped. I will never know if it was the only reason, but it was the one that was mentioned. I had, until that point, not even especially been aware of saying it to that person, but she clearly was - and disliked it. I shall probably never know the reason why it was so unwelcome, but it has certainly made me more cautious with my declarations. More to the point, I shall now never know if I really was in love with her. I know that I adored her, and that she made me very happy, so in that sense, I most definitely loved her. But was I “in love”? That needs time to develop, time that we didn't have.
I have never been especially cautious with my heart – and in any case it isn't something over which I have much control. But I am certainly more cautious with my mouth.
| 22 Aug 10, 11:22 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs  |
Sometimes people mistake lust for love... I've never been one to say those three words without feeling them and I never, ever say them back to someone just because they have uttered them to me. | ||
| 22 Aug 10, 11:23 PM Original_Rebel UK(CT), 10 yrs |
That's because you are honest 
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| 22 Aug 10, 11:47 PM bossy_bitch UK, 3 yrs |
I just can't say it if I don't mean it either and I always say it when I do.
"Middle age is when you're old enough to know better but still young enough to do it” | ||
| 23 Aug 10, 9:57 AM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
Thank you all for your comments. Perhaps I should clarify something though. I have never (knowingly) uttered those three words carelessly, and never as 'throw away' lines, or for effect. I am by nature a fairly emotional person and tend to act and say things that I feel, when I feel them. The reason I was unaware of saying the dreaded three words was simply because I didn't think about it, but just acted on pure emotion. But I am wiser for the experience. Telling someone you love them is never risk-free. There is always the risk that your feelings are not reciprocated. But you have to go with your emotions, otherwise what's the point in living? "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 23 Aug 10, 12:40 PM skydancer UK, 4 yrs |
I love hearing someone say those words to me. I like how it makes me feel. If I say it to someone I love, (and I wouldnt say it otherwise) I hope that it will make them feel as good as I do.. they may have a totally different feeling to me.. but thats my hope. | ||
| 23 Aug 10, 8:09 PM tony999 UK, 5 yrs |
Did you ever consider that hers was an act of compassion? There's a good chance that she knew she couldn't reciprocate for whatever reason, wrong time wrong place wrong person who knows. And knowing that she let you go. I've only ever said it to three women and to say I meant it each time would be an understatement.
I wonder if I'll ever say it again. Hope so
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Edited 23 Aug 10, 10:07 PM by tony999 | ||
| 23 Aug 10, 8:37 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
My musing wasn't concerning the motivation behind the reaction, which in itself could be something or nothing, compassionate or patronising; I think that to try to deconstruct the motivation behind a reaction unless one is able to seek clarification is a purposeless exercise; all that any of us can do is to be aware of what we do ourselves and where the result is not as we would wish it to be, learn from it. For what it's worth, I might also have considered that I presented her with an out that made it easier for her, but what is the point in entering into such endless wondering? "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 23 Aug 10, 9:26 PM tony999 UK, 5 yrs |
Dumping someone, packing 'em in, letting em go, setting them free, call it what you may (cos there really are 50 ways to leave your lover) is a long long way from patronising them.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. | ||
| 23 Aug 10, 10:46 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
Perhaps, or perhaps not. The motivation behind giving it a reason might be on a spectrum which at one end could be seen as compassionate and at the other end patronising. In a sense, compassion and patronising might be the same, if one considers using a compassionate approach with an intelligent man in his late 40s. But as I have said, I am not interested with the motivation behind the event; that is a matter for the individual concerned and I won't speculate on that since it serves no purpose. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars." - Oscar Wilde |
