This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 20 Aug 10, 10:10 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs      |
Sometimes I believe this, but other times I can't help feeling that my constant struggle could be perceived as a chore and I'm less confident than you about Dommes not caring about the end result! lol.
That's interesting. I find I can go to pretty extreme levels when I have chosen to enter a scene with someone and I know the submission is temporary. I'm quite happy to be reduced to a sobbing mess. However, the thought of submitting to something as everyday as making a cup of tea just because I'm told to brings on the 'run screaming!' feeling!!
I'm glad I'm not alone!
It just sort of happened that way. About a decade ago I was in a relationship which was more in the grey areas. We weren't 24/7, but she was always my Mistress and had some outside control. Then I spent a long time just doing scene based and then a 24/7 relationship developed of it's own accord. Sometimes I wonder if a grey area might suit me best but I find it hard to envision what it would be like in reality now.
I relate to this. One thing I missed in 24/7 was the feeling of really going under or being taken down. I was always submissive so there just wasn't as far to fall. I wonder if there is a way to get that feeling within a 24/7 dynamic? Maxfaust - thanks for your posts. I'm trying to get my head around exactly what you mean. Are you saying that if you deny the opportunity to submit temporarily then the submissive will realise her true desire more easily? I have a feeling I haven't got it quite right.
"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:12 PM DeviantDr UK(E), 4 yrs    |
Yep.... all the letters etc... only mean what you want them to mean to yourself in the end... Im terrible for using wrong terms just because I get into a habit of using them... Humanity does love to try and put things into neat little boxes doesn't it... (and good luck to your girl with her PhD, may the writing go smoothly) Getting back to the OP... If the struggle and the pushing is part of you, part of what you need, can it be wrong? Maybe through that turmoil, through the struggle you and your partner learn more about each other and can gain a greater intimacy with each other... In the end, if its what you need, it cant be wrong for you... At least your not doing the whole "yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir" thing... iv found people like that often don't even realise its a shell, and underneath it all its just roleplay their ever really experiencing... keeping there "core" hidden deep away from reality. Then again there are those people who ave very subservient as soon as they feel a connection.... So many different dynamics and personalities in this world... If a sub is in the forest gagged, and a tree falls, do they make a sound? | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:13 PM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
This is just .. marvellous. And very much how it has worked for me. It has taken me ten years, or thereabouts, to stop hiding behind the garb of what other people mean by submission, and submit to the person I have wanted to submit to all that time. In the past my desire to submit never came from anywhere spontaneous or inexplicable; it was always eked out and performative. As he said to me, though: "I am ready for you now". And he is, and I am, and my desire to submit is suddenly very simple and clear as day. It is an imperfect and impractical relationship, but the D/s is everything I have yearned for and thought I'd never, ever find. "Well-behaved women rarely make history" Edited 20 Aug 10, 10:25 PM by verte | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:22 PM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
I may well have misunderstood MaxFaust and if so I apologise, but I took him to mean that, to him, if there's any element of performativity in submitting, that it's something one aspires to rather than simply DOES, it's always going to feel like a struggle. It has certainly been that way for me. This is not to say that I don't argue with he who holds the reins, that I don't tease and provoke. That's who I am. He wouldn't have it any other way. But he knows he can ask of me and do to me precisely what he wants, and that I'll comply. "Well-behaved women rarely make history" Edited 20 Aug 10, 10:23 PM by verte | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:27 PM MaxFaust NO, 23 mths |
Are you kidding? Of course you haven't. You understood me to perfection.
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| 20 Aug 10, 10:41 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs    |
Agree with this. Very much. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:44 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs  |
Well, this has got my grey-matter working.  You say in your OP... "I'm beginning to feel that having experienced 24/7 submission I'm not sure that scene based submission will be enough to satisfy me". When you did the 24/7 D/s did you always "fight" against yourself and your dominant then, too? Of course, I don't know if you fight every attempt to dominate you and your submission to it, or if you only fight yourself and a dominant where certain things are involved. Scene based submission always feels, to me, as though it's a game of pretend, something that's here one minute and gone the next but when it's 24/7 it's always present, sometimes to a lesser degree and at other times greater. Some people need the fulfillment of being in a secure relationship, with the trust and caring that accompany it, before they can relax into the will of their dominant. Trying to dominate someone who resists their own desires (as well as those of the dominant) can make for a very fraught relationship and one which not only the sub will question. If there are things that you find particularly difficult to relinquish control over it might be an idea to identify them as hard-limits until you meet someone with whom you feel it possible to lower your barricades. There will be people that we won't feel happy to do everything with... so don't. | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:47 PM curvykitten UK(BA), 7 yrs |
Me three! I don't think with me it's not a case of 'no one can make me' as I really want to be able to submit, it's more just me that won't allow me to! As verte said in her reply "But he knows he can ask of me and do to me precisely what he wants, and that I'll comply."
oh how i'd love to get to that point - as to whether it is all me, not having met the right Dom who knows exactly the right buttons, or a mixture of the two i don't know, but i REALLY hope one day I find out! Voluptuary x
"Sucia" - Spanish for "Dirty Girl" | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 10:58 PM Insolent UK(B), 2 yrs |
I don't think there's anything wrong with finding your own "brand" of submission. It's all about finding, bending and eventually breaking boundaries - if you can do that with yourself then there is no reason at all why you can't do it to the concept. If you want to be pushed to a certain limit, never be afraid that it'll be a "chore." Some of us are more hard work than others but then there are many types of dom/me around to help all of that balance out. If anything, be wary of someone who expects something unrealistic of you - how can they rule what they do not know? | |||||
| 20 Aug 10, 11:07 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs |
I always struggled with the concept that I had chosen to submit, but I enjoy the feeling of conflict. I'm an emotional masochist and seem to feel bored in a calm sea. I often likened it to climbing a mountain - it was hard work and a struggle, but also satisfying and something I really wanted to do. On a day to day level I settled pretty well into submission. I very very rarely willfully did things wrong and for the most part my mistakes were minor even though I had a lot of rules to follow. I did struggle with basic concepts like not questioning everything or 'having a better idea' but I was also learning and improving. My struggle showed in little ways, such as the fact that I could hardly ever manage to voice a simple 'Yes Mistress' in response to an instruction. I *wanted* to so badly but all that ever came out was a mumble or a whine or a small display of resistance. I mostly did as I was told though even though I sometimes needed coercion!
Yes. I guess I always knew the scenes were pretend really, but I can play to such an intense level that I made it all feel very real. Then I actually tasted real submission and realised how different it is. I'm still not sure which I prefer to be honest, but what I can't regain is the illusion that the scenes I enjoy are in some way real, and this has made them feel less satisfying.
This is the kind of thing I am worried about. I feel like I would quite like to find a path through my feelings of intense resistance *before* I am in a situation where I may want to pursue a relationship, as I can see it could be problematic.
Either that or I just need to find somebody who wants to drag me kicking and screaming. It's always been more about control than submission for me. If I feel someone can control me then that brings on feelings of submission. I don't think it would be a pretty picture, but then again I don't think I'd want it to be.
"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 |
