FemDom_forum's profile . FemDom_forum group posts
Posted by GoddessInHeels on Thu 19 Aug 10, 9:36 PM to the FemDom_forum group.
I have recently entered into a new relationship with a wonderful sub and we are enjoying our playtimes a lot. But a couple of things he has experienced in the past and would like to engage in with me are causing me to pause for thought.
Firstly, he would like to be bound, sensorily deprived and (in time, should we get the relevant equipment) caged for long periods of time. On an intellectual level I can understand this, the feeling of being totally in my control as to how long he is left there and the security and dependence, particularly as he has a very pressured and responsible job. What bothers me about this is what do I get out of it? My previous experience of Domming has been about being served and using a sub for play, obviously this would not be possible if he is immobilised, particularly if he is caged.
So my question to other Dommes is how do you incorporate this kind of dominance into your relationships? It wouldn't be a punishment in this case as it it something he desires, so maybe I should use it as a reward? Also, what do you do while your sub is in this state, given that you have to make sure he comes to no harm.
My second question is about prolonged chastity, using a device. Have any of you successfully 'used' a sub for penetrative sex but without him being allowed to orgasm? Or would I have to 'go without' in order to maintain his chastity? Don't get me wrong, I have had times when I have been single and have had to manage without sex with another person (that's when my Magic Wand comes in very handy), but being in a highly sexual situation with someone else and not having penetrative sex at least sometimes is a new one for me.
Advice please.
| 20 Aug 10, 3:57 PM Princess_Rebecca UK(EN), 6 yrs   |
For me, restraining my partner usually means time to myself, without any interruption. As with your partner, it's something he likes, so there is more of an element of reward about it, rather than punishment. I have a large dog cage that I can set up in the living room or playroom as necessary, so if I want to watch TV or play something on the computer, I'm still near enough to hear or see if something goes wrong, without having to spend every minute actively watching. @Hellions - Irregular FemDom Nights! | |
| 20 Aug 10, 5:01 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs    |
I second the above. Caging and prolonged bondage can be great if you enjoy reading, browsing the net, painting your nails, whatever.
As for chastity, it's fine to use a device and occasionally allow the other half out for a fuck. You just have to be quite specific about not having an orgasm. The problem is that when he gets very hard and thrusts deeply to pleasure me, he also struggles to not orgasm. It means that he may have to stop moving in order not to orgasm just as I am about to orgasm too. That's a bit pants “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | |
| 20 Aug 10, 11:04 PM GoddessInHeels 3 yrs |
I guess I'll have to save the bondage/ caging for times when I don't need him for anything, except perhaps as a footstool. I still think the chastity thing is going to be a tricky one. It does seem, as you said Miss Kimberley, that getting your need for a fuck whilst he is desperately trying not to come could well mean that a choice of just getting on with it and letting him come and taking the consequences of that, or having my needs disrupted so he can regain control. Roll on the day when we can give them something to keep them hard but unable to come! | |
| 20 Aug 10, 11:55 PM cjack100 UK(M), 7 yrs |
On Mistress_Watchfuls site (www.chastitymansion.com) their is a thread of a Mistress' attempt at achieving just that, using numbing cream and condoms. Her suffering sissy summed it up as total erotic frusration! | |
| 21 Aug 10, 10:24 AM GoddessInHeels 3 yrs |
Thanks, but that link didn't work! | |
| 21 Aug 10, 1:41 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs |
Too much numbing cream can also have adverse effects  “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | |
| 21 Aug 10, 2:23 PM cjack100 UK(M), 7 yrs |
Apologies for that, brackets got in the way, www.chastitymansion.com, cj | |
| 21 Aug 10, 2:26 PM vis_a_vis UK(CB), 2 yrs |
LOL you forgot the comma too - www.chastitymansion.com x | |
| 21 Aug 10, 7:40 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs |
I agree Marquise, a lot of femdom imagery revolves around the man being denied, teased, the woman not wanting/desiring intercourse or not desiring intercourse with her sub but taking lovers. The reality, for me and quite a few others, is that we love our submissive men and they are sexually desired too. If I want sex, I shall have sex.
If he doesn't want to orgasm but it's interfering with my orgasm, then he either very, very quickly finds an alternative or - as is frequently the case when Mistress wants his cock Of course, his kinky itch will have been subdued a little so he may not wish to play straight away but that doesn't bother me personally. Many subs seem to enjoy extended feelings of horniness and seem to believe 'control of the cock' = 'control of the man' so the orgasm interferes with their mindset a little. However, in my opinion and experience, a submissive man will still be submissive after an orgasm. “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | |
| 22 Aug 10, 10:26 AM GoddessInHeels 3 yrs |
Thanks for those replies. I agree with the comments about Fem Dom porn, which is mainly aimed towards submissive fantasies of passively having various things done to them by a leather clad Mistress with little regard to her sexual fulfilment (except the cuckold scenario of course). An important word you used Marquise in your post was 'resentment'. I think if any relationship is going to work (be it vanilla or D/s), both people have to be careful not to do things that would cause resentment and in a D/s relationship there are even more situations when this could arise. In most cases it would be the sub resenting the Domme for making them do something they really didn't want, but what about the Dommes who could sometimes resent the demands of always having to be the decision maker and the work involved in keeping the sub in her control? I suspect that the numbing cream idea may not be a solution, but may be worth a try (I'd probably be concerned that the cream would rub off and I would also lose sensation, which I most definitely do not want!). I would also prefer not to use a device on him. It seems to me that if he is truly devoted to me as his owner then he would not need a bit of plastic to keep him in check. Giving him the ability but not the permission to masturbate, especially whilst teasing the hell out of him is a true test of his submission to me and pleases me much more than just holding the keys to a chastity device.
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so quite often he will either be instructed to cum or to get a strap on, dildo or use his tongue. 