This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Mon 16 Aug 10, 10:07 PM paultrinity UK, 7 yrs  |
I know the topic of humiliation gets so many questions - some about degree or content, context, etc. etc.
To me I see have at least one clear distinction (but actually with a grey area in the middle) - when I try to categorise / agree with someone if they 'like humiliation'????? And that is if it is 'real humiliation' - to me they really dislike what is happening - really find it degrading, really want it to stop - but yes - they subconsciously or on a different level want/need the feeling of humiliation (but really don't want he 'thing'?) the other 'humiliation' is something that the individual is perhaps socially used to thinking is wrong/ naughty/ rude/ kinky - not something they would want others to know about them - know they have done, etc. - and clearly that has a degree of pushing buttons in the mind as well - but - actually they want the 'thing' to happen and on an unsaid level - actually want the 'thing' to happen and continue for a period - to extend that kinky, humiliating feeling? But they don't feel degraded? The grey area for me is just pushing that boundary - where the thing is something they want as just mentioned - but you take it a bit further - push the boundaries of that social conditioning a little beyond what the sub would initially want? So - my question - lol - do people recognise this - or am I talking rubbish??? And do any subs see such a simplified distinction I am trying to make? For me as a dom - I am not looking to do the first version of 'real humiliation' I mention - and so it is a real distinction for me? Is it that clear for anyone else?
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| 16 Aug 10, 10:24 PM chris09_uk UK(CW), 3 yrs |
The distinction exists, if you want it to, to some it isn't important, others it is .... have i just stated the obvious here ? For myself in a sub situation, I do question if I am being selfish if I fantasise, discuss or otherwise think of certain activities. Sometimes if there is a choice in matters as a sub, I feel guilty that i might actualy 'enjoy' a punishement. Sometimes that dilemma leads me to steop further over the line to make SURE i'm not being selfish. At the end of the day, it's all down (i think) to the people involved. What does the Dom/me want, to tease on the border, or to truley suffer as a show of sacrifice .. or a hundered other reasons. Is that what the sub signed up for ? You have to decide between you if both your 'needs' are being met and expectations aligned. So, no difinitive answer for me. But I have and do sometimes think of the distinction. So I guess you're either not mad, or just as mad as me.
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| 17 Aug 10, 9:38 AM MissSuzy UK(SO), 3 yrs  |
For me it depends a lot on the location and who is about. I am a TV and have been to fetish and TV clubs in my pink frilly sissy outfit and have not even felt embarrassed never mind humiliation. Next week my Mistress is taking me somewhere public about 8pm ish, and I have to wear my 50's style swing dress (red with black polka dots - think retro prom dress). I am scared sh**less, I can not even think about it, I get into such a panic. I can imagining what will happen upto the point of us being in the car, stopping and... go any further and I loose it. Edited 17 Aug 10, 9:46 AM by MissSuzy | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 10:27 AM Bubbles_2 UK(E), 6 yrs |
For me it really has to be something i don't like at all. This is the eternal problem, i like to be put in situations or have things done to me/made to do things that i really don't like..and it is all very confusing for a simple sub! Last night i was beaten - it hurts but it is simply a test of endurance; but then made to do stuff that really is out of my comfort zone. The endurance of the beating is so much easier that the intense humiliation, but i guess the latter is a richer experience. Intellectually, i know that my dislikes are being exploited as a head fuck but emotionally i find it quite complex to process..but that inability to process is creates a pleasure in loss of control, and so it goes on... In the end i don't have much choice so it is best not to think about it too much.. Club Subversion Crossing the Rubicon FleursduMal bobette's Facebook Beginners Guide to BDSM | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 10:55 AM camdencouple UK(NW), 6 yrs |
Sexual humiliation is a big thing for us. The mere mention of it sends shivers down our spines. There is of course humiliation and humiliation; needless to say non consentual humiliation is in no way a turn on for us. The humiliation that we like is when someone pushes our buttons in such a way as we loose completely our sense of self / ego / propriety and perform for the top in a manner that would be embassasing to us in any other environment (even a BDSM one). | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 2:23 PM MistressRouge UK(B), 6 yrs £ |
I usually address it as humiliation and degradation, there is a difference between the two.
Humiliation lingers within the boundary of just that humiliation, taking it a step further is always degradation, which can transcend from humiliation quite easily, depending on the scene " The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it
and your soul grows sick with longing, for the things it has forbidden
itself"
Oscar Wilde | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 3:24 PM chrisp UK(E), 6 yrs |
You're right, you're just talking rubbish! | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 3:28 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
I find what you say here really interesting and I can see why it's useful to place humiliation in these two camps...I suppose consentual violence in bdsm would be kind of similar in terms of how it could be "violence" that you want because you get off on it VS "violence" in the context of consentual non consent. With regards to my last paragraph though, I'm cautious that I'm just debating holistic semantics far too much anyways. Fo me humiliation is good because it makes me feel put in my place and the more "real" it is, the happier I am because I want to serve in the sense that I am giving up what might be considered my dignity for the pleasure of my master rather than say i'm serving as a means of getting done what I want done to me with my own head fuck being the priority over serving in a way that genuinely pushes me moreso. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 5:01 PM MistressRouge UK(B), 6 yrs £ |
Are you humiliating Me fiend 
" The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it
and your soul grows sick with longing, for the things it has forbidden
itself"
Oscar Wilde | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 5:07 PM dangerousdonkey 2 yrs |
You have put this so well Lunatic. Humiliation has always been something I have steered clear off because I have felt, well, humiliated, and not enjoyed the feeling at all on any level. However reading your post I now see that it could be so much more, than yuck i feel humiliated. Maybe I've just been being thick about it but hearing it from the Dom's perspective is really important. | ||
| 17 Aug 10, 5:08 PM Lady_Anna_Bradford UK(BD), 5 yrs   |
After filling my gimp's bowels with my piss (enema) and then his piss, then after sitting him and making him drink my piss, and then after making him hold my piss in his mouth until I told him he could swallow it, and then after taking him to the shower and voiding the rest of my bladder on him, and then after making him void his bowels in the shower in front of me whilst I watched, I asked him to explain the difference between humiliation, humiliation and degradation. He didn't know.
He just felt used and abused and fantastic. "If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness |
