This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 15 Aug 10, 9:28 AM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs  |
Thank you for the further responses. Maybe I need to be clearer? I'm not trying to 'copy' other Dommes, that way lies sure fire disaster, I'm simply trying to tempt out and polish the Domme voice/mind set I know it there...somewhere... hidden...bloody thing... not even chocolate is working! Kali x It's pronounced 'Car-Lee' *G* Edited 15 Aug 10, 9:59 AM by Kali_Ma | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 9:57 AM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs       |
no, I don't think it sounded like you wanted to copy other Dommes (maybe you thought that was from my post about learning from them - I meant all the specialised torture knowledge that they have, like sounds, etc). I was tired last night & forgot to point out an important point - a lot plays off the subs around you. AND a lot depends on what the whole thing means to YOU, personally. Some people like the surrounded by harem scenario, some prefer quiet quality. Some people change.
How can chocolate possibly not work? LOL Don't worry too much, Kali. You will wake uo tomorrow or the next day and see She is there. Hants/Berks/Surrey borders, BDSM Play Party - 20 August - http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/278057/: | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 9:59 AM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs |
Maybe we should have a Femdomme Get Together.... no boys, no men, so we can chill and talk, exchange ideas do some sisterly bonding/networking... can you imagine the conversations????? Oh and there would HAVE to be cocktails... *nods* Kali It's pronounced 'Car-Lee' *G* Edited 15 Aug 10, 10:00 AM by Kali_Ma | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 10:09 AM Lady_Anna_Bradford UK(BD), 5 yrs  |
I don't order anyone around. I don't need to. I ask politely and then I thank them for doing it. Confidence comes in knowing that something I ask of a sub will be done. They reason they do it is because I always treat subs with respect. I never order, I never tell, and I certainly never ever demand. A smile goes along way.
"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 10:45 AM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs |
I think it is also finding a certain "balance" and distance. I do demand sometimes, but it is after a polite request (the best example is the when subs are supposed to be serving food and there are a couple standing around watching & chatting & letting the others do all the work). And even then, I don't usually demand. I ask them to, and when they say it looks like the others have it all under control....I just enquire if we have some sort of a communication problem and smile sweetly..... I have given bollockings but they are people I DO know, who I think have real potential and who it would be a real shame for them to cheek off someone they were seriously interested in and blow their opportunity with them. That is why I love proactive subs so much. You don't really have to ever ask them to do anything, because it just happens like magic. And, to be honest, I very rarely have much to do with subs I don't know (as Im usually out with mine) and rarely ask subs not own to do anything. If I do, it's usually someone I know fairly well and something to tease them (like carrying my big handbag around, lol). i think a LOT rests with good manners of the sub. I think a sub should offer his seat to any Domme, not just one he fancies - or offer to help in any way. I would expect mine to. But I don't think the fact that they don't has anything to do with the Dommely aura a Domme puts off. i think it has to do with the rather mercenary idea of "why bother being nice to that One, if there is no chance with her?'
I'm hoping to do that at the new venue. I like the idea of play tea-parties, but sometimes I think that we just need to be able to discuss some things openly without the boys there. Sometimes it ruins the surprises of ideas other Ladies give you. LOL
Hants/Berks/Surrey borders, BDSM Play Party - 20 August - http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/278057/: | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 10:58 AM Degenerate  UK(M), 5 yrs   |
I have experienced similar and used to feel a bit this way. This is why I only dominate serious partners, or it feels like silly bullshit to me and I can't do it. I am only going to really make the effort if someone is going to really submit, I'm not a clockwork dolly or a performer. Look to your partners for affirmation that what you are doing works for them, it's them that matter not what other people think. Allow yourself to focus on that, not what outsiders think - what they think doesn't matter really as they aren't involved (and whatever you do some will like it some won't some will misjudge, some will admire, some will dislike). Allow yourself to actually dominate someone (rather than acting out their interests) if they want to submit. Get your own way - see how much it is appreciated - then do it again. I think dominance is not about taking a particular attitude you can switch on and off, but a way of being which comes with confidence. Confidence comes with practice, attention to detail and feedback concerning what works for you and yours. Hope all the different feedback helps.
Sign up to CAAN's statement www.caan.org.uk | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 11:17 AM Northern_Phoenix UK, 8 yrs |
I think this is a good point really. And admittedly this is the 'style' of dominance that I prefer to be on the other end of, but that's not the point. While I'm not saying anyone in this thread is guilty of it, especially given I don't know any of you in person, I do think that there can be a tendency to conflate dominance with bossiness sometimes. Dominants of course can be bossy, given that they can be however they want to be, but I guess it's just worth emphasising that they don't have to be. The key word is confidence I think, and finding where that comes from for you. It could be in acting like a drill sergeant barking orders left, right and centre, ruling with an iron fist. Or it could be a more seductive thing, coaxing obedience out with a velvet glove. Or anywhere in between! When a man loves a woman it should be understood, | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 11:25 AM Degenerate UK(M), 5 yrs |
Yes I agree.. I like a bit of everything, personally. De Sign up to CAAN's statement www.caan.org.uk | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 11:37 AM normalbloke UK(HA), 5 yrs  |
I think the important thing is to be natural, be yourself. I like to think I can be a fairly astute guy and can see if people are just acting a role , or if it is actually is their natural persona. I like feeling the quiet, natural dominance of a woman, the aura she gives off. That in itself is enough to bring about a certain deference in me.
I'm here to drink my milk and kick some ass.And I've finished my milk. | ||||
| 15 Aug 10, 11:44 AM ionian UK(HU), 2 yrs |
A very honest and interesting discussion I too was at Luxe and was helped by Christian. Very new on the scene but loving it immensely. I am just trying to learn from other subs and also from the wonderful Ladies who have been kind enough to chat or play at Pedestal. For me it is to try and aniticpate what a Lady would like and not my own selfish kinks or fetishes. Also basic good manners but taken to a higher level, "intense chivalry" if you will. I know i am a long way off this but it is a traget to try and grow and learn as a person. |
