This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Fri 30 Jul 10, 8:36 PM QuietlyComfortable 3 yrs |
...am I ever going to find love? Has anyone else ever felt this way? I love being dominanted in the bedroom. I crave it. In a long-term, well-established relationship, I enjoy domination in a 24/7 context (although we all have shades of grey) But nothing puts my back up more when I meet a man than if he trys to control or dominate me. I know I'm not the one with the problem, and that there are plenty of Doms out there who are gentlemanly and will not assert themselves until they have developed a relationship. But equally, there are plenty who are pretty assertive from day one, and these sorts tend to get their heads bitten off whenever they message me. As a sub advertising on a BDSM website, I feel this is rather unfair of me. Should I change? I just find it so insulting when a man gets in touch to say (for example) that he'd love to go for a drink and salivate at the thought of my breasts in ropes all evening - this person has never met me before, why should they be allowed to say that? Why does this make me so angry? Any ideas/thoughts/comments? | |
| 30 Jul 10, 8:39 PM Peccavi 4 yrs |
Could be your profile attracts the wrong sort (I havn't read it so don't know). Mine states that I am not subbie until 'we're on'. Overly dominating memos are probably from fantasists. He's out there somewhere! | |
| 30 Jul 10, 8:48 PM mustique 23 mths |
why does it make you so angry? I think it's called self-respect. More power to you. | |
| 30 Jul 10, 8:55 PM PapaSmurf UK(CF), 22 mths |
Kneel, bitch! _______________ | |
| 30 Jul 10, 8:55 PM Felixthecat  UK(CM), 23 mths   |
I think that all your experiencing is cause and effect, If a Dom initially try's sending out a variety of mails and one style is more successful than the others then they will get used to sending that type, and a lot of the subs will get used to receiving or responding to a style of memo, and it all becomes a bit incestuous. A lot of the Doms & Subs are looking for a particular type of relationship including quite a few of my friends and if you happen to be out side of that norm, ie off the bell curve then to you the normal messages are unfortunately going to piss you off,
I have had a look at your profile and its pretty clear what your after but there will always be someone that thinks they can change you, just decline politely and move on, you haven't lost anything Stercus accidit | |
| 30 Jul 10, 8:56 PM DeviantDr UK(E), 4 yrs     |
Firstly, unfortunately there are lots of people who seem to think that just becasue we may be kinky, there is nothing more to us than that.. when i read "that he'd love to go for a drink" i thought... nothing wrong with that... then the "salivate at the thought of my breasts in ropes all evening" just makes me a little sad.... surely you can just do that walknig down the street with random people? Be yourself, thats all you can be... get to know people if thats what you like. If people cant understand why you need that, then really, are you missing out on anything? Iv been single some time now, im moving to london, and plan to attend a few munches etc, but im not seeing it as a way of finding a partner. Right now im just happy getting to know people. If something happens let it happen, but dont change what it is that makes you just becasue you want an easy life... in the long run, you just sell yourself short... "Howard was improvising like a motherbitch" Vince Noir | |
| 30 Jul 10, 9:03 PM DeviantDr UK(E), 4 yrs |
yep.... after all you only need one that works out... turn down the ones who dont fit etc, and at some point, be it here, or out there in the wide wide world, you will find someone that is what you want... "Howard was improvising like a motherbitch" Vince Noir | |
| 30 Jul 10, 9:35 PM RichardNewbury UK(BH), 4 yrs |
Stick to your guns and don't feel bad about the way you feel. And stop thinking that it's you that needs to change. You are perfectly normal. There are lots of plonkers out there and it takes time to find a decent partner and one that suits you. As the old saying goes: "You have to kiss a lot of frog's before one turns into a prince." Hope this helps. Best regards. Richard
"Rules are for the guidance of the wise and the obedience of fools." - Douglas Bader | |
| 30 Jul 10, 9:48 PM HedonistSA UK(TD), 2 yrs |
Have faith and patience. D/s relationships, even more so than nilla relationships do not start out fully fledged, they develop. And therein is perhaps the clue, the type of man who will be aggresively domineering from the first meeting is not relationship orientated, by definition not what you seek. | |
| 30 Jul 10, 9:56 PM SirDreadly UK(CF), 5 yrs |
I don't feel it's unreasonable to at least expect to get to know a body before they launch whatever style their dominance takes upon your person. (I am, of course, talking with respect to people meeting and looking for, or open to the possibilty of, a personal relationship.) I mean, yes, every now and again, two people are going to meet and fall into fullon orders and control from the first eye-contact, but that just doesn't work for everyone. (Excluding Pro scenarios, in most cases, I would imagine). I waited several months before slutling and I got into anything major. It helped a lot because it flowed very smoothly once I/we went there. Horses for courses perhaps. Regards, Maz. Enjoyer of Niche Pleasures. | |
| 30 Jul 10, 10:15 PM purgamentum UK, 3 yrs |
In my limited and somewhat ignorant opinion I think the person comes first and anything kink related second. To many people online seem to think it's all about the dirty stuff and a quick fix of smut, instead of getting to know the person first. After all our predilections are only part of who and what we are. But that's just my two cents. I am become death, the destroyer of worlds |
