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| bondagekitten |
on Thu 22 Jul 10, 8:22 PM to bondagekitten's blog.
Ok anyone who knows me knows my health sucks to put it nicely.
The last few months have seen me have 3 courses of antibiotics for urinary tract infections that I might not have needed, instead I might have a stomach ulcer that has been causing higher levels of white blood cells in my pee that there should be, feelings of being feverish without the fever. I've also got my migraines back probably because of the stress from being scared of having to miss work. I have to take a fresh sample of pee and poo to the doctors tomorrow, that and rest as much as I can till at least Monday.
I've been going to work and been coming home so shattered I've not had any energy to do anything more fun that watching cheesy sci-fi (SG1 is my current weakness).
I'm also trying to do something about my rather large weight problem so I bought Wii fit (too embarrassed for the gym until I'm a bit fitter - body image has went through the floor despite flattering comments from several people) and have started making changes in my diet (goodbye full sugar Irn Bru - I miss you most) and spoke to my GP who has referred me onto a weight management group that deal with diet, exercise and psychology. I went to my initial appointment and weighed a bit less than the wii said and the chat went well but she wants to refer me to the eating disorder group to get extra support from psychology as my eating may have replaced other forms of self harm with the way my eating cycles with stress and depression. This for some reason has floored me. I'm still waiting on the appointment coming through but I've became even more wary of eating in front of people, even at times in front of Scott who has seen me through so many icky things and always told me he loves me.
I've changed how I eat even more since then, hell bought a 16 pack of kit-kats mid last week and still have 6 left, the way I've been feeling lately that might not have lasted a night. I'm forcing myself to have breakfast most days ok it's normally just a yogurt but it's a start and have cut out snacking for the most part during the day and a wee treat in the evenings after dinner.
The night before last I couldn't face eating at all (had leftovers for lunch so had a solid meal then - can't get the knack of cooking smaller meals yet so old portions for two are now 3-4 servings) so all I had was some plain low fat yogurt with some muesli. Yesterday I was actually hungry so had a banana as well as a muller corner (they are currently really cheap and I like them) and had some soup for lunch. We were both shattered when we got home from work so gave into badness and ordered a chippy (donner wraps from our local chippy taste like the Duram donners we got in Berlin) so Scott brought me mine up to bed because I was feeling like shit and just wanted to curl up and sleep. I think I had 3 or 4 bites before I projectile vomited across the bed and all down his t-shirt and the bedding. To give him full credit he grabbed something for me to finish puking in and came through to the toilet to check on me and comfort me (was greeting like a baby by then) and cleaned up the bedroom.
This morning I felt really weak and had to hold myself up with the door and the radiator and was a blubbing mess again but I went to work, put my breakfast and lunch in the fridge (couldn't face food then) and went to my desk. I was okish till someone asked my if I was alright when I just burst into tears, the team decided that I was going home so took my work off me and someone got the first aider, who made me try to eat breakfast (one teaspoon's worth was my best effort) and my boss Joe (nice guy - not my old crap TL that made my life hell) gave me my phone and called Scott to come get me (he couldn't get out of work but my dad came for me) and I was told to get to the doctors. Saw my area manager when I was outside waiting on my dad and she was really nice to me but told me to MAKE the doctors get me sorted because she wants me to get better because I've been ill in work too much lately - but at least I've been there.
The G.P. did all the usual checks BP, bloods, temp and examination and checked through my urine test results from my last trip to the hospital and now thinks that it is an ulcer not a UTI at all.
Sorry to anyone who reads this as it's out of order and rambling but I'm in the fuzzyness of tramadol just now and just needed to vent.
| 22 Jul 10, 8:58 PM tiggerGlasgow UK(EH), 6 yrs |
You, my girl, are utterly amazing. You've been through so much shite in your life and you're still battling on. You may not be feeling as if you're doing well right now, but I'm so proud of you that I could burst. You and your Mr are my two best mates ever and I LOVE both of. Yes I'm being soppy. Sue me. I don't care, I'll say it again. I love you both. You are both fab. You will get through this because you are stronger than you feel and and think you are. Karma owes you big style. "A life without pain has no meaning" Athrur Schopenhauer | ||
| 22 Jul 10, 9:33 PM varietyclub 22 mths |
Your one brave lady and i hope upon hope you achieve your wishes, to your partner/hubby, keep going man, its a love thing. best wishes to you both xx | ||
| 22 Jul 10, 10:15 PM SpartanReserve UK(SN), 24 mths |
I lost lots and lots of weight but did it in some very stupid ways which I would not recommend, however. Very cold water, drink plenty of it. Sounds too simple and you will be up once or twice in the night but it is effective in both hunger control and burning calories as the body heats it up. I was a bit of a self starver (not anorexic, just stubborn) for a while so the rest of my diet advice aint that great, Found that crisp lettuce with a bit of light seasoning kept me occupied, still does, eat loads of it in a bowl, alse contains stuff to make you release feel good endorphins if you eat enough of it. Hope you can turn a corner asap healtwise, Steve Is this the way its meant to be, stoned in love but not with me. | ||
| 22 Jul 10, 10:41 PM bondagekitten UK(G), 6 yrs |
thank you all for the kind words | ||
| 22 Jul 10, 11:11 PM varietyclub 22 mths |
Your a star babes and never think other than that x | ||
| 23 Jul 10, 2:28 AM Stallen 6 yrs |
just picking up on the cooking needing just the one portion, i cook for 2 and always cook more than we need, instead of tempting 2nds or 3rds. I stick food into containers and freeze straight away before we eat, that way we always have something handy in the freezer and can do an easy day option we we're both too busy to cook, we cook from scratch to avoid processed foods so it nice to just pull something from the freezer after a hectic day. but if we don't freeze on the day, then its put in the fridge and taken to work as the next days lunch. otherwise we do tend to have 2nd and sometimes 3rds on the day its made. Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into a giant oak! Bury a sheep, and nothing happens but decay!" —George Bernard Shaw | ||
| 23 Jul 10, 8:34 AM bondagekitten UK(G), 6 yrs |
I try to do that but I find it a lot harder in the summer months, in the winter it's not unusual for us to go to Macro one Friday night and spend most of the Saturday cooking huge batches of food to freeze so we always have stews, soups, our version of bolognase (can't spell it and everyone makes it different) etc in the freezer. We started that originally to save money by bulk buying and so on crappy wet days we'd just have to grab something tasty out the freezer, pop it in a pot and go get changed while it cooked. I'd do that once a month or so and alternate between chicken and beef each time. Food I like to eat in on warmer days is harder, I wish someone would make 200ml cartons of passata or half sized cans of tomatoes without rip off prices so it would be easier to cut back (I find one carton or tin for an old portion for the two of us for a lot of dishes - tomatoes and garlic sauce variants go with so many things). Will have to try messing around with different ways of cooking the sauces to see if they freeze well and if the food tastes as nice with the sauce cooked separately. | ||
| 23 Jul 10, 11:12 PM Stallen 6 yrs |
Summer months for us equals , salads, hummous, omlettes, dry panned pancakes, pasta with just vegetables and butter beans and a decent olive oil no sauce, quick stir frys, cous cous, rice etc most of which can be eaten cold. We're both vegetarians so would substitute meat with something like chickpeas, butter beans, aduki beans if we didn't fancy the meat-free alternative ...I also marinate various flavours in to tofu. Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into a giant oak! Bury a sheep, and nothing happens but decay!" —George Bernard Shaw |
