O&P People (91)

This seems to be an argument you use with an awful lot of things discussed on IC. I don't see any evidence that the people practising, feel that way at all.

Dystopia
Ultraviolence

That I choose to obey him; no questions asked. Cause he makes me feel that I should. Cause it makes me happy to do so. Cause I feel protected and validated in doing so. Cause I'm his most valuable possession. Irreplaceable.

Edited 1 Jul 10, 11:58 PM by othyim

maybe I'm questioning who and what I am . Every discussion or debate that a member brings up is the o&p way or in our o&p relationship we do this.

Why can't the swingers or kinky shaggers say well in our relationship we shag our selves to an higher state of understanding it's still a relevent partnership not one I'd want to be in but one that is relevent to those in it.

Another one bites the dust.

As Miss D said, I do not think this is true. Indeed, much of the time in our O&p meets has been around discussing how we can *not* be like that.

There has been discussion about how others don't *get* our way of living. Not that they need to, just it is rather boring to be challenged all the time on the boards for having an consensual non-consensual relationship.

I certainly have lots of non-O&p type kinkster friends - I am pretty sure they do not think I judge them - I love that they are kinky like me even if they do probably think my relationship is a bit odd!

I don't know whether me and my girl fit in with the O&P ethos, but what attracted me to this group is that it's 'always on'. We have no 'play time', and no rules that only apply at certain times. People who only hook up a few times, or infrequently, are doing something rather different to me.

As others have pointed out, you might have to turn that question back on yourself. Maybe you don't fit in here, or anywhere. I know I don't. In which case, maybe we all need to just learn to be happy to 'march to the beat of your own drum' (which I certainly do). The one O&Pen I made it to it was clear that there were very big differences in what even this sub-group wanted and were able to achieve. And yes, I did feel somewhat judged by one or two people for not conforming to what they thought WIITWD should be about. However, I have no desire to follow their livestyles either, which these days I would find profoundly unsatisfying for my needs.

So it's quite a big tent, and one with not many people in it, but it's awful nice to be inside all the same.

"There's no D/s in Team" (Sparks, V., 2009, pers. comm.)

there is several references to o&p relentionships on the main boards I also get memo's about because I'm an o&p person we should understand each other as we are different to others.

Like I said yesterday I'm questioning who I am and where I stand in this community because at this moment it's pretty much alone. And maybe I should hide what I'm feeling.

Another one bites the dust.

I feel my relationship fits O&P better than anywhere else because i feel owned and our play tends to involve consensual non-consent but to an outside observer, we may seem fairly vanilla - I am not automatically obedient in our everyday lives and there is a lot of negotiation- we like it like that but i know it wouldn't suit a lot of members of the O&P group - i dont think it really matters though so long as differences are respected.

Interesting - personally I can't say I've noticed much mention of it on the boards, other than Belasarius. Even so though - people talking about it and expecting that they might have something in common with others who use that label doesn't mean that they think this is the "best" or "only" way to BDSM, which is what you were saying in your original post.

There's still a massive amount of variation within the strictures of O&P - Tanos has (deliberately I think) defined the manifesto widely enough to allow that, and to make it relatively "big tent". I think it works as that - in all the O&P meets I've been to I find that I can at least understand where everyone else is coming from, as we all have a number of common roots to our thinking and how we approach our relationships. But it's certainly not the case that my relationship is exactly the same (or even much the same at all) as those of other participants.

"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde

Hey Holly my dear... so here's what it means to me for right or wrong.

O&P is simply a natural state of being for some. When there is an innate need for high levels of control from both sides. It is that high level of control that is the major turn on. It's not better or worse than any other relationship, it is just what works for some. Each to their own and long may each flourish.

"Resigning oneself to suffering from having one's freedom forcibly taken away results in producing a greater sense of pleasurable pain."

This is entirely my view.

I am much happier in the relationship I have now, albeit shared, than I ever was in long term vanilla relationships. And playing with someone without the context of a feeling of ownership or proceeding toward ownership feels as satisfying as a Chinese takeaway. I don't understand switches either.

But, do I think I am better than any of these?

No.

In fact, I often feel that my O&personality (sorry Tanos) is a sign that I am stunted; not whole in some way. But it is who I am.

I stand up for who I am on the boards not because I think I am better than anyone else: I know I am not.

I stand up for who I am because gaining the understanding of the whole kink community is an important precursor to gaining the understanding of society as a whole.

I want to live my life with c_b in the open. It won't happen, I know: not for me. But I would like to be part of the process that makes it happen.

Best to all.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99