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Reprimanding someone else's submissive. (96)

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1 Jul 10, 1:29 PM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs



Danbuc wrote:
Tanos wrote:
They don't know the dynamic of your relationship and what standing orders, back injuries etc that your sub might have.
Frankly I don't even see that any of this matters. It just plain rude for one adult to tell off another adult. Can you think of any other social situation where it wouldn't just be inordinately impolite?

The problem is that you and I inhabit a world where one of us does, regularly, tell off another. In fact, it's quite vital to many couples. This does seem to infect the attitude of others, some of the time at least.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

1 Jul 10, 1:29 PM
ScarlettDeWinter
UK(BS), 3 yrs
As a submissive my reply would probably have been "Do you want to mind your own fucking business?" Someone else's dynamic is not anything to do with you, submission is subjective and it's for no-one else to comment on or interfere with. In the OP's scenario I think it was rude to both the sub (to assume that they're 'failing' without know the situation) and also to the Domme, it's undermining the other person's domination which is just unnecessary.

Don't pay any attention to what the write about you, just measure it in inches. Andy Warhol

1 Jul 10, 1:33 PM
Manteau
UK(S), 2 yrs

Belasarius wrote:
Manteau wrote:
Turn it on it's head a bit: The moment would have been glorious if himself had turned round to the other dom and put him down with a 'Tell you what mate, I'm fucked, would you carry it for her please? No? In that case, mind your own fucking business... No offence'. :-D

I am not sure how one could say to anyone "Mind your own fucking business... No offence" and not be offensive.

@Manteau raises two points, one relevant to the post and one not (but a real bee in my bonnet - sorry :) ).

The relevant one is, I guess dynamic-dependant. Should the submissive say anything, or just be respectful and leave it to the dominant? I'm not sure I have a ready answer here - in theory I would want her to leave it to me, in practice she might not be able to do so.

That would raise the issue that I might have to punish her for being disrespectful (something I can't abide) even though I agree with her words/actions and would have said the same on her behalf.

The bee in my bonnet is the use of the word "Fuck". It is a beautiful word with great heritage describing a wonderful act. Why do we use it and other wonderful sexual swearwords as expressions of deep, disgusted disrespect.

When I say "You're completely fucked" I am inside her, not telling someone they have failed.

I especially don't understand why our community, with its dedication to the strongest and most exciting sex, should use these words to express disgust? The rest of the world might find sex dirty, disgusting and guilty. We don't - do we?

I'm indebted sir. However, the following is quite a light hearted look at said word...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/products.php?defi...

I take your other point about whether a sub should respond. I don't see why no, if they're on the way out of the club, (or even if they'd never been in), the Op is domme to her sub.. no-one else is dominant to their sub (I'm supposing).

Herself wouldn't be rude to anyone, but she'd make it absolutely clear in a 'robust' way if anyone else tried to tell her what to do, if for whatever reason I wasn't in a position to do so - that's another point; I'm sure a lot of dommes would say something, but would any defer to a man? Similarly, would a dom defer to a woman? Although, as some have said, it's possibly less likely a domme would reprimand someone elses sub unless agreed. Guess it's different for different people. :-)

Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great Calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind. Aristotle

1 Jul 10, 1:34 PM
Slave_overseas
UK(PO), 2 yrs
I agree with what seems to be the consensus in this discussion thread. The relationship dynamic between a Dom/sub is, as in any kind of relationship, individual to that particular couple. Each couple will have their own balance between Dom-sub behaviour and a more 'vanilla' type of interaction between each other - a balance that will suit them. As others have said here, sometimes comments like this can be made in joke or good humour (although this wouldn't be something to expect from a complete stranger). But it is not for others to interefere or comment on this relationship dynamic. And besides, as has also been mentioned in this discussion thread, a sub could have a very good reason - for example health issues - not to be carrying that case.
1 Jul 10, 1:39 PM
Grasshopper
UK(SE), 2 yrs
Belasarius wrote:
The bee in my bonnet is the use of the word "Fuck". It is a beautiful word with great heritage describing a wonderful act. Why do we use it and other wonderful sexual swearwords as expressions of deep, disgusted disrespect.

Because shock amazement horror, words can mean more than one thing depending on a whole number of variables. Are you seriously complaining about the way other people use language again?

Oh, well, that's easy. Tucker's Law: If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up because that cunt's a cunt. I've got that embroidered on a teatowel at home.

1 Jul 10, 1:40 PM
AstronautMikeDexter
UK(E), 2 yrs
Belasarius wrote:
Danbuc wrote:
Tanos wrote:
They don't know the dynamic of your relationship and what standing orders, back injuries etc that your sub might have.
Frankly I don't even see that any of this matters. It just plain rude for one adult to tell off another adult. Can you think of any other social situation where it wouldn't just be inordinately impolite?

The problem is that you and I inhabit a world where one of us does, regularly, tell off another. In fact, it's quite vital to many couples. This does seem to infect the attitude of others, some of the time at least.

So what. If someone's involvement in this world means that they no longer have a grip on normal human interaction then, well, maybe they are a bit of a tool.

Also:

The bee in my bonnet is the use of the word "Fuck". It is a beautiful word with great heritage describing a wonderful act. Why do we use it and other wonderful sexual swearwords as expressions of deep, disgusted disrespect.

When I say "You're completely fucked" I am inside her, not telling someone they have failed.

I especially don't understand why our community, with its dedication to the strongest and most exciting sex, should use these words to express disgust? The rest of the world might find sex dirty, disgusting and guilty. We don't - do we?

Because one of the truly brilliant things about words is that they can have multiple completely unrelated meanings in all sorts of contexts and situations. And that's actually awesome. Also, telling some to f-off doesn't speak at all to that person expressing a disgust for sex.

Also if you restricted Fuck to a purely sexual meaning you would neuter it of all it's power. It would no longer have the impact it has in that domain if it weren't regarded as a swear word elsewhere.

--- Autofellatio - a lot more like having a cock in your mouth than a mouth on your cock.

1 Jul 10, 1:43 PM
HalloweenWhite
UK(TF), 7 yrs


It had nothing to do with the other Dom whatsoever; this other Dom isn't in a relationship with You so has no right to comment about You and your sub do/don't do.
1 Jul 10, 1:46 PM
Mistress_Watchful
UK(SO), 2 yrs
£
I guess for me personally I need to find that line between confidence and arrogance!

As a relative newbie in public (6 months) I'm still treading on eggshells so as to not be disrespectful to anyone else.

At the time, all things considered, a little bit of me went "Oh bugger, I've made a faux pas", but then the more I thought about it, the more I thought "I've been doing this with pet for 4 years, I know what's acceptable, and that situation was perfectly acceptable"

On getting undressed, dressed into more casual attire, and having had a long night out which is still a little bit difficult for pet, I was relaxed and happy and in vanilla-travel-home mode.

I should have said "we're finished for the night, thank you" but then I would be niggled that someone would have seen me as less of a Domme, because I only play at clubs.

Our relationship is D/s at home, just on a more subtle level (4 kids, jobs, the real world and all that)

That doesn't make me any less of a Domme than anyone else as far as my submissive is concerned, and tbh, that should be all that matters.

It would appear that my issue is that He (the Dom) thought bad of me for not acting like a Proper Domme. I guess with experience I will be able to ignore these comments and just carry on enjoying myself, playing with my subs, in friendly clubs.

Having said all that, this is the one and ONLY time I've been made to feel any less of a Domme, or uncomfortable in any way.

Owner of Chastity Mansion ~ www.chastitymansion.com rated 95% by Kinky Britain www.kinkybritain.co.uk/kinky/?cat=12

1 Jul 10, 1:48 PM
pinkylucy
UK(M), 9 yrs


As everyone else has said, this kind of interference from a stranger just shows bad manners really.

Sometimes other Dominants would tell me off but it was only ever people who were either friends or partners and understood the dynamic I had with my Mistress. It would only ever be with good/friendly/playful intentions. If my Mistress found if acceptable for them to tell me off then I accepted that. I wouldn't accept it from strangers though.

I think it's quite possible to respond to such incidence's whilst being respectful. Something along the lines of 'my Mistress has not asked me to carry that bag, I'm already doing what she wants me to do'. It makes the point without resorting to swearing or insults. I'm not saying I would necessarily be that controlled myself! ;)

"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973

1 Jul 10, 1:49 PM
Ama_Sidero
UK(GU), 7 yrs


Belasarius wrote:
verydomuk wrote:
Am I allowed to say what I really think .... well I will anyway.

How come we've managed to write so many erudite words about someone (the dom) being an interfering plonker ?

Probably because we are up ourselves.

Perhaps because this raises interesting issues. I have just thought of another one.

What would you do, as a dominant, if another dominant pointed out really appalling, awful behaviour by your submissive?

It depends on what it was. I would, without doubt, make the submissive apologise and tell them how disappointed I was in them. (I have done that with the femsub - pulled her by the hair and made her kneel at all the surrounding tables and apologize for making them witness such appalling behaviour - she was spectacularly bratting thinking I wouldn't punish her in public). Depending on what it was, the punishment might be carried out there, or at home or both. It really depends on the circumstances and infraction.

Life may not be the Party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well Dance! - Anon
Life is not measured by the breaths we take. but by the moments that take our breath. - Anon.
Road Trip to the Sea in October!!!http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/270339/1/...

Edited 1 Jul 10, 2:13 PM by Ama_Sidero

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