Releasing a slave (42)

Been there, seen it, got the t-shirt. In my experience it is best to move on gracefully and with dignity, which is something i didnt do!!

Ultimately there is no point trying to save something which he obviously thinks is over it would only be putting off the inevitable. I know it is very difficult but with time it does become easier... i wish you well.

~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~

That is unfortunately true. No matter how much one party may try if the other doesn't put in the same effort to be in the relationship there's no way to keep it going or rescue it or put it back together again.

I would hope that the OP soon comes to thinking that it is much better to be free and able to enter a new relationship that will work.

I also wish you well - when I was released over 2 years ago I bounced around from Dom to Dom like some lost puppy, not making very wise choices. I have since taken the last year 'off' to give myself time to heal properly - be kind to yourself. I hope you move on better than I did Ann x

The thing is that the relationship WAS working, that was why I asked the question in the first place.

Thank you all for the replies and just to let you know that I have decided not to take it any further. I will dry my tears and those of my children who miss him terribly too and try to go on alone.

Live your life as if the world is about to end in a day...no regrets.
Only through darkness can you appreciate light.

I was in a similar situation last year when dumped by someone I thought I cared about. I was left for months feeling worthless, useless, ugly and a bad person and wondered what I had done wrong, regretting waking up every morning.

It took good friends and family to finally get me to realise that he didn't deserve me or my feelings. That he was just a liar and a cheat and all he was interested in was fucking my head up for his own gratification and ego.

I have since been fortunate in finding someone absolutely wonderful who is the exact opposite of him and has taught me to start trusting again. The only problem is that he is on the other side of the Atlantic but he will be here in the next two months for me and we will be 24/7.

Take time to build up your self esteem again. Remember you ARE a worthwhile person, you deserve the best and hold out until you get it. They have to earn your trust and respect not the other way round.

I will never cower before any Master Nor bend to any threat

Hate away. For some D/s people, it is absolutely true - for those individuals.

I agree to generalise is wrong, but so is generalised dismissal.

I feel quite different about vanilla and D/s relationships, simply because when I am in a D/s relationship I feel complete in a way I never do when i am in a vanilla one. When i have a submissive I have someone who responds to me in an entirely different way to a vanilla partner. I said the following on another thread recently, which sort of sums up what I feel:

When a vanilla relationship ends I feel bereft. But I still have my identity as an individual. When an O&P relationship ends I lose, for a time, my identity as a Dom , because I have lost the person who responded to me in that way.

I've lost both sorts of love.

For me, because being dom is at the centre of me, losing a vanilla love is a little less awful than losing a O&P lover.

Best to all.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

Edited 29 Jun 10, 9:47 AM by Belasarius

Personally if there is D/s I find it harder when it ends but realise this bears no comparison to the lives of non D/s people.

It's not that I lose my identity so much as I feel shrunk. When I have a D/s relationship it's like adding a piece to my life and self which isn't there otherwise. When it's gone I feel like I have only 3/4 of the life i had before.. i feel like a quarter of myself has been locked away again for a long time til it heals.. maybe never.

I get back on the horse much more slowly when D/s has been involved as in my heart I only do full on real time D/s if I want to keep someone forever. It's too deep to do frivolously (for me)

De

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Edited 29 Jun 10, 9:55 AM by Degenerate

No absolutely false - a D/s orientated person can't possibly argue any such thing - unless they can read the minds of other non-D/s orientated people and know what depth their relationships have.

That D/s orientated people experience more loss at losing, and have more depth in, a D/s relationship than they would, with a vanilla one may be true - but you aren't going to win a Nobel prize for that.

ETA compare and contrast to "A gay relationship has more depth than a hetero one" - true if your gay, but has no relevance whatsoever in comparing gay and hetero relationships in general.

And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword!

Edited 29 Jun 10, 10:15 AM by Attitude_Adjuster

In the past I have two broken marriages, lost a fiancé and too many boyfriends to count (I am 54 after all) as well as the death of my father to contend with, but going on my experience, the D/s breakup is worse, much worse.

For me a large part is the loss of trust. As the sub in the relationship, I handed over all that I am. I gave him the right to train, change, mould, punish, protect, order etc. At the end he did what was best for him, ignoring feelings of loss and regret. Ignoring my gift of total submission, tossing it aside like a used tissue.