rebel or real world? (36)

There seems to be an excepted view that subs do things to please their Doms and gain tremendous pleasure from so doing. I don't. i spent a long time thinking I was wrong, not a sub, etc. read alot of stuff that told me how i should be thinking, but i wasn't. I'm just not like that

For me, it's not about pleasing Him. (I'm more likely to do something to piss him off and see if it gets a reaction!) I'm not bratty, I'm just me!

Early on( I've been with him 7 years) i tried to pretend I liked doing things to please him as I thought that was how I was supposed to feel but pretty quickly I couldnt keep up the charade.

Anyway there it is, I've said it, I'm out the closet, I don't get all excited doing something for him because he has asked me

I'm interested to hear how many other subs feel the same?

I couldn't do any of what I do if I wasn't pleased as Punch at pleasing H, so I just can't imagine why you'd get into it, other than being a masochist.

If you're a masochist then I can easily see why you'd do it. I've met masochists, equally I have met many many people who have confused me with one, ("but you seem to like it when we see you play") (yeah right, ergo I'm a maso- don't think that follows).

Like everything else in life.

its give & take.

After all if both of you don't enjoy your play & get something out of it.

Huggles Sandra xx boundfortrouble xx hugs Growing Old is Compulsory! Growing Up is Optional !

What is your question? What is the 'it' she is doing or not doing that you are asking about?

I think the OP means that 'pleasing my dom is somthing I get off on because it arouses and fulfills my feelings of submission' is not something that gels with her particularly. I can understand that and see it as a perfect viable way of being. Not getting off on that is not incompatible with being a submissive in other ways.

She is just being true to herself as others are true to themselves. Presumably that IS what pleases her Dom.

I have no idea where I stand on all this but I think if we all start to be the same and fit in the same mould it would be a boring world. I think being true to who we are is vital to a good relationship and thus is one of the most attractive traits there is.

... the silver in her hair shines in the cold November air ...
You take her frail hand
And hold on to the dream.

Yes, I do.

Whilst I appreciate that labels, like stereotypes, do serve the function of broadly classifying us into groups, I do not understand why it seems necessary to go one step further and try to homogenise us.

I am certainly not a masochist. Pain for its own sake doesn't do a thing for me. Neither does pleasing, serving, or offering submission to someone. I am not a brat. I do not want to be told that I've been a very bad girl and need to be punished. Neither do I want to lie prostrate whilst someone slaps my arse.

I am not suggesting that any of the above are bad, or wrong, they just don't turn me on and when it comes down to it, that is what this is all about for me – it is sexual.

I'm an adult woman, confident, self-assured for the most part and capable. I don't want safe-words, I just need to have total trust in him. There are also some men, who may not necessarily call themselves Master or Dom, who are turned on by the more bolshy woman who needs the smirk wiping off her face.

If he knows the right buttons to press, I can be just as breathless, speechless and malleable as any of those who consider themselves worthy of the submissive title.

The destination is the same - it's the journey which is different.

"Middle age is when you're old enough to know better but still young enough to do it”

This ^^

Every sub is different, with a different individual mix of kinks that go to make up their overall submissive nature. There are labels that define me, but only in the broadest sense. It doesn't bother me that I am not like other subs, because all subs are not like other subs

That said, it is sometimes good to hear that others feel the same, especially if you're feeling a little like the black sheep of the herd. Beyond that, though, I'm quite secure in the knowledge that my submission works in a way that's completely individual to me.

And actually, I rather like that ...

~Twistee~

Everything is better with a twist

Just out of curiosity, and not judgementalism, what is it that you *do* like?

I have absolutely no problem with someone not being a masochist, a brat or enjoying pleasing others - but I'm slightly confused and missing the part where it says what you are, what you do enjoy?

Which is great, but I'm still not getting it lol. If you don't enjoy being submissive, and you don't enjoy pain, and you're just being yourself, what is it that differentiates this from vanilla? And once again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being vanilla, I don't in any way mean that as a put down. I'm just struggling to understand.

I've met many subs who were not masochists, and I've met many masochists who were not subs. But if you're not a masochist and you're not a sub, then where and how do you fit into BDSM? Obviously, there are a wealth of views on BDSM, and many ways to involve yourself in it and enjoy it - so in what ways do you do that?

subbie xxx

Not all submissives enjoy serving and toiling for their dominant. Some do some dont, some just get on with it as part of the expected behaviour.

Oh and I was never masochistic either!

I was and am however extremely kinky, and enjoyed what we did together hugely.

Senno Ekto Gamat

Edited 19 Jul 10, 10:59 AM by Mistress_Avralivia

Sorry (not being sarcastic), but this (as a Dom) has whizzed straight over my head. What do you get out of it then?

Best to you

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

Just out of curiosity, what kind of things?

The reason I can be quite happy in vanilla relationships is that a large part of my kink is sexual - I like rough sex, anal, deepthroat, etc. But I would still consider those to be submissive / masochistic since they either involve pain or a power exchange, with him as the dominant partner. It's not about doing it 'just to please him' but it doesn't mean it isn't a submissive act. Is that the differentiation the OP is making?

Still curious, and still not trying to be judgemental.

subbie xxx

Do you still consider yourself submissive if you get no pleasure from pleasing your Dom?

You say you don't do as you are told (in fact the opposite) but are not being a brat, I brat on purpose for attention . . . then I get pain, (if he hasn't figured out what I am up to) and then I get cuddles.

Therefore, I too am a little unique, because the more love attention and affection I get the more committed a sub I am, and the more subservient I become. I don't necessarily enjoy being submissive unless I am getting something out of it, but when I do, I will do anything, incidentally I like the feeling of belonging to someone and I like the fact that my choices are his choices, it actually makes me feel safe and secure. I actually really envy those people who believe that their fulfillment comes from getting treated like a sack of shit and loving it. But and I will get shot down in flames for using the word dynamic (thanks Belasarius in advance) but each and every dynamic is unique and ours works for us.

Unlike you I am a masochist and a pain slut and there is definitely a sexual element to our D/s relationship; vanilla sex is dull, so somewhere in there all the components of submission are there but they just manifest themselves in perhaps what is not perceived as entirely traditional.

So what is in it for you?

Tallulah x

“Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both?”
Susan Sarandon

Edited 25 Jun 10, 10:57 AM by tallulahme