Posted by sparkysbabe
on Fri 18 Jun 10, 8:06 PM to sparkysbabe's blog.
They always say the first cut is the hardest. For her, the first cut had been riddled with contradictions, she wanted to do it to regain control, but she didn't want to because of the stigma attached to being scarred for life. But are the visible scars more prevalent than the invisible ones, the ones that no one can ever see, not really. They may notice mood changes, from quiet times to full blown anarchy and madness and everything in between.
He sat opposite her in a comfy arm chair, her 'therapist' of sorts, he watched as she began. He wanted to understand why she did what she did. He wanted to view the ritual. His need to get inside her head fully was what had driven him to watch as she drew the blade across her skin. Watch as the skin dimpled when the blade pushed down, separating the fat beneath the surface. With each pass-over the redness grew, the blood began to form in small balls just on the surface.
He watched her intently as her eyes closed and her mouth drooped open, her tongue licked her lips seductively. There was no screaming, just an almost inaudible sigh as the blade pushed harder to the skin.
She had finished with this cut, she was about to begin another, when he called out to her 'Stop', her hand hovered over her skin. Her eyes opened and she looked at him.
'Why?' she sighs
'Because, I don't want you to disfigure yourself any more baby. Talk to me, open up to me, explode, scream, cry, do whatever you need to do to release the pain that is so deep seated inside of you.' He was down on his knees before her now, he had silently moved whilst he spoke, as if not to spook her.
He placed his hand on hers, he took the knife, folded it away and put it to the floor next to him. He held her hands together as if in prayer.
'Why?' she asked again, 'Why are you here? Why do you stay with me?' she couldn't look at him as she spoke.
He removed one hand and placed it on her cheek, her silent tears began to fall. He swept them away as she let the weight of her head rest in his palm. He drew her down to the floor with him, he sat back on his bottom as she slid cat like from the leather chair and sank into the deep pile of the carpet. Her head rested in his lap, his hands, one entwined in her hair, the other just resting on her arm, rubbing it gently.
'I love you my darling, Daddy's here to hold you tight, to wipe away your tears, to listen and to understand. What can I do to make the pain go away, it kills me to see you like this'
'Tie me Daddy, hold me tight in your ropes, wrap me and hold me. I need no more than that, if you would do that to me when I feel the anger build Daddy, I won't harm myself anymore', she whispered to him from her slumbering position.
'Anything baby, I would do anything for you, but only if that is what you really want. Do you want a hood too baby, for me to take away your senses, leave you entombed in darkness, but with me holding you tight while your anger subsides? You know I would do anything for you baby, anything'.
'Yes Daddy, that would be nice, I would like that very much'. The first glimmer of a smile appeared on her face, as she spoke so softly he strained to hear her.
He took a crisp clean white hanky from his trouser pocket and placed it on her self inflicted wound. He bent down and kissed the top of her head, inhaling her intoxicating aroma.
'Come, my pet, lets go somewhere comfy, where I will wrap you in the soft coils of the rope, and placed a hood over your head, then I will hold you, rock you and comfort you until you drift off my baby'.
She stood, and he raised himself up too. He took her hand, the hanky fell to the floor as they walked out of the room. The white crisp cotton now smeared with her blood, lies on the carpet, discarded as they exit the room.
**disclaimer! there are elements of this i have experienced with regards to self harm, but not the comfort, support or understanding...so i wrote this...feel free to comment.
Oh and i'm fed up with the TV being taken over by football so sat here until inspiration took hold.
thanks for reading this
x pup x
edited for the odd spelling mistake
Edited Fri 18 Jun 10, 8:16 PM by sparkysbabe
| 18 Jun 10, 8:59 PM kinky_kitty UK(LE), 5 yrs  |
that was prettiful  i'd love to have support like that if i was going through something like that.kitty X Hurt me. It's ok. I like it. |
| 9 Dec 10, 6:50 PM Miss_serena 4 yrs |
How wonderfully you write , you must do more ..it was simply brilliant xx 'In love' |
