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| Dollface |
Recent blogs have got my brain mulling over the old 'U' word. First associated with Burgess and Kubrick, now something of a somewhat dirty word to some and a masturbatory trigger for others.
I think it's fair to say that there are certain trends in BDSM, in the most literal sense of the word. At one point, you felt like you couldn't click a thread without seeing some shibari. Then there was Daddy. Swiftly followed by Mummy. Then came the black eyes.
Now. I would emphasise that the above paragraph seems to trivialise these kinks; like their existence is purely a trend, a garmet ripped off the shelf one season and on eBay the next. Not the case. There just seem to be fluctuations, peaks of interest. Perhaps someone realises that actually, they can see the appeal, or think that they may dip their toe into a new kink. Nothing ventured and all that. I severely doubt that anyone on IC actually invented Japanese ropework or indeed came up with the concept of a shoe meeting a rib (although I'm sure some would would love to think that they did, obviously).
Ultraviolence has been on my radar for some time, although it was by no means consistent. It hadn't really entered my consciousness when I first ventured into BDSM - everything was new to me and the classic kid-in-a-sweet-shop scenario certainly applied. I wanted to gorge myself on new sensations, new sources of pain, new emotions. And I did. I was fortunate enough to be with someone who, although much more experienced, was willing to indulge me. Things that hadn't even crossed my mind as being enjoyable - cuttings, needles, floggings - were high on my list of pleasure-seeking activities. And you know what? It was fantastic.
But...tastes change. I'd have wank fantasies about being punched, and the thought would fill me with horror. Men aren't supposed to hit women in that way, they'd been told - quite rightly - by their mothers that it was wrong and, plainly put, one of the worst things you can do. To an extent, I silently acknowledged the fantasies but didn't vocalise them. They made me uncomfortable, I didn't know where they'd come from, and whilst they made my head spin I felt it more appropriate just to leave them upstairs.
This continued, quite comfortably, for some time. I wasn't consumed by desire, I wasn't climbing the walls because some brutish sort hadn't introduced his knuckles to my face. Curiosity nagged, of course, but I had learned to tune it out (largely with reacquainting myself with my hometown and discovering my capacity for whorish dancing and dubious cocktails).
Long story short, the cocktail haze wore off and I found myself much more driven and determined to fulfill these fantasies. Yes, I was frightened and yes, I did wonder if I was crazy. I was actually volunteering myself to be beaten to a pulp, where was the logic in that? Believe me, I didn't breeze into this and think it was another day at the office.
But God, it turned me on. More than I could have ever imagined. It felt primal, wrong, and confused the hell out of me. I'm not rebellious by nature, so why was something that is perceived as so inherently wrong turning me on? I'd find myself covering black eyes with makeup and filling the fridge with gel eye packs, and silently thanking some deity that my arse and ribs were generally covered by clothes on a day-to-day basis (well, you'd kind of hope so, wouldn't you?).
I felt challenged, pushed. I'm not a blasé kind of person in the slightest, but nothing scared me like the prospect of a fist in the face, or a boot in the ribs. Nothing else would have me nearly sick with fear, but still turn me into a drooling animal. I'd meet up with people who I knew had the capacity to do this to me, who would be able to scratch that itch.
And then I started blogging about it. And, despite the occasional memo that went along the lines of "you need help, you do" (obviously sent by a fellow Taff), generally folk were supportive. Some commented publically on the blogs, others conveyed their approval or understanding in private. Either way, the feedback was largely positive and it certainly seemed that I wasn't alone in my preferences.
I've been accused of glamorising violence more than once (I kind of enjoyed it on one level; it was the only time I was ever going to be mentioned in the same breath as Tarantino). Now, I'm not going to sit here and proclaim that all the people that lobbied that particular quote at me were wrong. I can see how people might think that - the blogs, for one; my fervent masturbation to violent Tony Scott films; my enthusiasm in documenting and discussing my experiences.
There's been some talk of those discussing ultraviolence doing so because it's fashionable, or a fast-track ticket to being perceived as "edgy". I can't speak for everyone, but I find it a somewhat tired arguement as well as insulting.
Do I write about my experiences in a stylised fashion? Yes. Do I post them under The Porn Blog, subsequently with the intention to titillate (and judging my some of the responses, that seems to be the effect)? Yes. But I really do fail to see how someone may perceive this as an effort to be fashionable. I'm into this particular kink - and any kink I've previously enjoyed - because it brings me pleasure and enjoyment, because it's thrilling and exciting. Not to make a point, or to somehow elevate myself.
And, as much as anything, I would have thought that IC would be the kind of site where I could vocalise these fantasies and experiences and not be thought less of because of it - but then again, like any collection of people, there will be those who don't agree. Which is fine; however being effectively labelled as a silly scene kid is somewhat irritating.
In addition, what if someone who's into ultraviolence reads the posts decrying it as nothing more than the latest accessory, a must-have for the young'uns who want to make an impact on the scene? A good friend posted a blog recently that was incredibly candid and frank about his needs and desires, and while replies were generally positive, there was one that labelled him as dangerous and the author hoped that they would never want to be in a room alone with him.
If this is the reaction people get from vocalising their fantasies and experiences, I can see how they may want to keep it zipped.
There have been more measured responses (@caprycorn's latest blog springs to mind, which discussed ultraviolence as a concept that the author didn't necessarily find arousing in a non-judgemental fashion). I'm not saying that everyone who doesn't see eye-to-eye with UV kink is a naysayer. But even within those who enjoy ultraviolence, there seems to be a simmering snobbery between those who fantasise, and those who practice.
This blog seems to have descended into "oh, can't we just all get along?", throwing candy-floss coated hands into the air and wanting to teach the world to sing and buy it a carbonated beverage. But to an extent, the sentiment remains.
And as for me...I think I'll continue to blog, and discuss, and seek out play partners who can indulge that side of me. And, to be really blunt - with a little bit of luck, the only person hurting at the end of it all is me.
Your kink is okay...seriously, it is. But so is mine, and as much as it's not in my nature to be defiantly unapologetic, there's no time like the present.
Edited Thu 17 Jun 10, 12:35 AM by Dollface
| 17 Jun 10, 1:10 AM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
A great read was that  thanks for sharing It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | |
| 17 Jun 10, 6:25 AM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
Many ask me what I am into BDSM wise when chatting. The response the vast majority get is 'rough sex' Now, I know what I mean, they, and I damned sure, do not. I refuse to go into my kinks, and the extremes of them, with people I do not know when chatting. I have blogged in the past about stuff I have got up to, but I am not sure if that will happen in the future. I know what I like. If the opportunity comes to practice it with someone I am in a relationship with then I bloody well will, and fuck anyone who does not like it. The word Ultraviolence has become as dirty a word as saying 'rapeplay' on IC. Having to constantly explain and defend is ridiculous. FFS, most Ultraviolence 'play' has the 'victim', mostly, un tied and able to defend themselves, unlike being tied up with some rope in a 1000 knots! Now which one is the worst? (yeah yeah I am just being pedantic but think about it?) I have, to the most, backed off from it all. The main reason is being single and it scares the buggery out of most potential partners as they see it as all you are. Good blog hun RD xx It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |
| 17 Jun 10, 7:50 AM slutling_angel 4 yrs  |
A good blog indeed. UV is something that seems taboo around here. I think it's because it scares people and they can't see the exciting side. RD I can fully understand your reply too.
Over the past two years I have gone through a totally mixed up journey with what gets me *off*. I'll be frank about it, if those that knew what my past was, they would say the same, 'You need help'. Pah!! Thanks but I know what I like I will add there are some things that don't 'get me off', within UV. That said Your kink is ok and F**ck the rest that don't get it.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do". ( Confucius) Edited 17 Jun 10, 7:51 AM by slutling_angel | |
| 17 Jun 10, 8:28 AM Miss_Despotic UK(M), 5 yrs    |
Wonderfully written, as ever. x | |
| 17 Jun 10, 11:05 AM LacednLicked UK(WA), 4 yrs |
I like "ultraviolence" for the sense of letting go with someone. I do edgeplay in pretty much all of my favourite sessions, but some of it is so delicately controlled that resistance or UV play is a delightful contrast. I love my sharps, I love cutting people but that is pure 100% control. I like my UV play to include resistance. Its that sense of not knowing how things will go that turns me on. Its raw, its the unknown and if I don't keep my wits about me I might even get bested! I remember once turning away from a public scene involving punch pay because it caused such conflicting emotions in me. Part of me found it brutal in the worst way and part of me was aroused by that sense of brutality. That scene was what led me to delve into that side of things. Oh my god did I love it when I did. It still surprises me though the impact a simple face slap has on watchers compared to a spanking. Both are open handed hits, spanking normally going on for much longer but boy do they get treated differently. | |
| 17 Jun 10, 11:31 AM Adorabelle UK(PR), 2 yrs |
Wonderful to read. "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr Seuss. | |
| 17 Jun 10, 12:44 PM clare 11 yrs |
I'm not scared of it and I don't think anyone is "sick". The thing that I find irritating is the refrain of "UV is too extreme for IC", the wish to be seen as too taboo which is simultaneously combined with complaining about (a perception) of being too taboo. I thought Ashe's angst about his desires showed how sweet he probably is. IC is full of all sorts. The UV writers seem to think that everyone on IC is into the boring flogging and caning seen in clubs and they are different from this. They are, but so are many people. It's not too taboo. Write your stuff with relish, do your things, but drop the ostracized wounded soldiers malarkey, please!!. | |
| 17 Jun 10, 3:35 PM NotTheOne UK(TA), 2 yrs |
On some blogs that would warrant a response along the lines of "I think I love you", me, I'll settle for just wanting to smack you around some
Don't be put off by the recent join date, I have lurked here on and off for years, and one thing is clear. IC is not as accepting or tolerating as many would like to believe, it as you say like any other group. New ideas are scorned upon, then become the "in" thing, then finally fade into the background chatter as why right wingers and the daily mail are all worthy of the contpempt previously reserved for car theives and football hooligans. I stared into the abyss, the abyss stared into me. It blinked first. | |
| 17 Jun 10, 5:55 PM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
Bit sad I know, but I was thinking, aat work, about those that call people 'silly scene kids' and allude to the young ones making this a fashionable thing. Where the hell do I fit? Been on IC for nearly 5 years, previously involved in BDSM 2 years previous to that and like a damned good 'rough fuck' since I was 14. Oh and I am 40 next year! Maybe I am just young at heart eh? RD xx It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |
| 17 Jun 10, 6:45 PM clare 11 yrs |
I don't think anyone actually said that. It's been taken that way by the thin skinned. As to the fashionable thing.. I'm confused. I thought that when Dystopia was set up Miss D expressly set it up as somewhere where people could be fashionable, that was part of its manifesto. Yet call it fashionable and that is now taken as an "accusation". Everyone is protesting a little too much I think. Just get on and enjoy.. who cares what anyone else thinks of what you do? Who cares if the safety police want to have their say on a public board. It really doesn't matter. |
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