This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 13 Jun 10, 9:39 AM Sirebel UK, 5 yrs      |
Any detail about what they defined as the difference? I find accepting extremist views without knowing the details against RACK No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent. Abraham Lincoln | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 9:48 AM Manteau UK(S), 2 yrs |
How would you know if you saw DV evidence of a neighbour for instance; who you knew to talk to, but not as a friend, that it wasn't consensual? How many times (and I have first hand experience of this) do women tell a third party they stayed because 'I love him'? Or it's for the children? How do you know that it isn't part of their scene? In all good faith you call in the police and they're obliged to investigate, possibly arrest the man, suggest she goes in a refuge, and all hell is let loose then? Yet, it was their fetish all along? How would you and more importantly the police know it was, and not real non concensual DV? Bit of a minefield I think if you witness it. Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great Calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind.
Aristotle | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 12:48 PM emark UK, 9 yrs |
It could be a difficult issue - generally I'd be wary of anything that leaves marks like bruises I can't hide, e.g., on my face. Not because I think things should be "behind closed doors", but I wouldn't want complications with people from work, or family. And in a way, it's not that much difference from people wanting to avoid visible love bites. Although having said that, just because that's how I'd do things doesn't mean it's wrong for other people to do different. Ultimately if the person is saying it's consensual, I'm not sure that anything should be done legally (innocent people shouldn't be convicted, just because of other people who say their abuse is consensual). Even for other serious crimes like rape, this is how it is AIUI - the victim may say it was consensual, or simply not want to press charges, and even though theoretically that doesn't stop a prosecution, in practice people aren't with rape simply because a third party thought someone had been raped? (Well, unless it also involved another crime, e.g., rape and murder.) | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 12:55 PM tanken UK(NR), 2 yrs |
I hate it and would be very angry at the perpetrator. 'Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather' - Velvet Underground | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 12:58 PM Phoenyx UK(NW), 4 yrs |
I tend to try not to think about 'wrong' in terms of BDSM. I just say YKINMK,BYKIOK in most cases. There is lots of stuff that squicks me out, but I would never be disparaging about someone else finding it sexy. People that go into threads just to do that I think are kind of ruining the inclusive suppportive nature of this site. As for DV fetish/fantasies. No, I dont think I have it. But where is that line? I love ultra violence and consensual non consent... so I guess that sort of makes DV a grey area for me. 'I guess you go too far, when pianos try to be guitars' | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 12:59 PM Made_in_Italy UK, 2 yrs  |
I read somewhere the police have now the right to investigate/prosecute you for DV ( even if the "victim" does not presse charges). anyhow too many women (and men) do not press charge on their perpretors because they are afraid of repercussion on children or family members. moreover some people may fear becoming pariah in their own community/family or dont know there's help out there. finally regarding rape, if you ever worked with them, youw oudl know that it is your legal duty to report any evidence (i.e even hearsay) to your manager to be risk assessed. and if there are allegations involving children you should generally see loads of people taking things very seriously. | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 12:59 PM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs     |
So this sort of thing is too much for you? Would you be angry at the woman if she'd requested it? Just wondering like, not trying to sound all agro. m, x PS - interesting answers - thanks. Sees no link between Toy Story 2 and BDSM | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 1:02 PM Doctor_Crane 2 yrs |
I completely agree. As long as the parties involved consent then it's ok =] Oh God it happened again | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 1:08 PM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
Watching those consensually interacting in this way fascinates me. To watch the other party submitting to violence gives me thoughts of how strong they are. I sure as hell do not think that way about DV. That is how I differentiate between the two. RD xx It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | ||
| 13 Jun 10, 1:19 PM Dollface UK, 6 yrs |
Friends who know what I'm into make no effort to stifle their giggles when I state how disgusting I find domestic violence. Superficially, I can see how they'd find it chucklesome (and they haven't even read my blogs!). Consent is key, to me (and I appreciate that you enter a whole new territory when you start getting into consensual non-consent). If I were in a relationship and my partner found it in him to beat seven shades out of me without any discussion of BDSM or consent, I would be absolutely horrified. However, if it's done under discussion and with agreement that it turns me on more than anything else, then I can't see the issue. It feels similar to my attitude towards masochism - sure, I enjoy pain, but it doesn't mean that I come when I stub my toe, or that a migraine has me running off to the toilets for a wank. Way I see it: just because my sexual preferences look identical to domestic violence, it doesn't mean I enjoy or condone that kind of abuse. I know that my sexual preferences are somewhat difficult; not least in finding someone who can indulge them. I can't help what turns me on. The moment the punch is thrown with blatant disregard for my feelings or sexual enjoyment is the moment it becomes abuse; and I've been lucky enough never to have experienced that. "When you're going through hell, keep going." Edited 13 Jun 10, 1:21 PM by Dollface |
