This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 8 Jun 10, 11:33 PM Vamp_Mystik UK(WA), 3 yrs   |
I suppose as human beings we all have an element of arrogance in our personalities. Often we dont even recognise it in ourselves. However, we can be past masters at recognising it in others. Personally, I really hate arrogance in all walks of life and since having been on a few webbys and had many chats with 'Dom's', Both in real life and via the net, Ive come across some clear arrogance. This puts me off them completely. Generally, its shown in their over inflated ego's. I respect the fact that what suits one, may not suit another. Seems just as well.. As we wouldnt get anywhere. I am wondering however, how do we separate the two? or, Do they co-exist? I have to ask, becuase there have been the odd one or two, over time, that frankly, I struggled to know the difference. That said, I had a chat with one Dom who was patently, downright arrogant with it. Im certainly not intending to insult btw, only trying to define, if poss, the difference(s) (if there are any) between the two.... The challenge is to be yourself, in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else...... | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 1:50 AM CaptainQuo UK(AB), 2 yrs |
There is a link, in my opinion, but not a definite one. Most Doms have manners and are very concerned with not appearing arrogant, and showing respect. It's maybe those that aren't as heavily involved in the wider community that get used to a certain 'Domly' way of treating people. I can't imagine rude, arrogant Doms lasting very long at munches. I certainly hope I'm right, anyway. You get people who go for the whole "kneel bitch" attitude both online and at events, and they are, to my knowledge, people who have just got it totally wrong or haven't quite connected with the rest of the community or picked up how to behave yet. Perhaps I'm wrong though; being new to this I have never even been to a munch yet, so I'm basing this on second hand info rather than my own experiences. I've never heard of many experienced Doms being really arrogant, and from the replies to my first thread about a bias against novice Doms, it did seem the consensus that those novices that were undesirable were so because of this arrogance. As a result, part of the bias that does exist against newbies is maybe due to the prevalence of people just not versed in the correct mannerisms of the scene. Perhaps it's an etiquette issue. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Edited 9 Jun 10, 2:07 AM by CaptainQuo | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 8:23 AM fellatrix UK, 2 yrs |
Some people are arrogant, some people aren't arrogant.
Doms and subs are people, therefore some doms and some subs are arrogant. (Yes, I know that doesn't logically follow, but we all know it's true) The difference is arrogant subs get it beaten out if them! Please take everything I say with a pinch of salt (but remember not to exceed the RDA of 6g) | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 8:26 AM just_saffron 2 yrs |
There is a very thin line between Confidence/Boldness and Arrogance. Arrogance is dangerous. Arrogance says you refuse to learn and that makes you a dangerous player whether Dom or sub. I've met a few of these, I really don't care to put my body in their hands. Confidence is hot. And reassuring. But like I said...a very thin line and one easily crossed over.
Oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. ~ Anais Nin Edited 9 Jun 10, 8:52 AM by just_saffron | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 8:29 AM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
There seems to be a very thin line between arrogance and confidence.
The first one, to me, is a HUGE turn off. Cause usually, arrogance is rooted in a lack of knowledge/understanding about D/s dynamics, and, basically, a lack of self esteem or commitment issues. The archetypical arrogant Dom will usually tell you that he knows it all, and thus will try to direct you according to only his preferences, without really taking the opportunity, time and efforts to get into your head. The confident Dom however, is indeed confident. Cause he is Ok with himself and his surroundings, he feels no need to put other poeple down or ignore their wishes. Thus he can cope with obstacles that may occur, and he doesnt need to play a role or be rude. Quiet confidence is HOT to me, arrogance is the opposite. But to each their own...
Edited 9 Jun 10, 8:31 AM by othyim | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 8:36 AM ThePrincess UK(SW), 6 yrs |
Why has no one mentioned the spelling of 'bane' yet? | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 8:54 AM fellatrix UK, 2 yrs |
Because the spelling police don't start work before 8:30 Please take everything I say with a pinch of salt (but remember not to exceed the RDA of 6g) | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 8:57 AM just_saffron 2 yrs |
Oh, the other thing is that often, confident people are mistaken for arrogant. It is only once you have gotten to know someone, that you can really discern between the two. An insecure person, or misinformed person may easily mark someone up as arrogant, when they are simply confident. Oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. ~ Anais Nin | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 9:07 AM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
Didn't spot it. I was still reeling from Dom's, and ego's as plurals. May be I can tolerate some arrogance, but never give me a wrongly placed apostrophe or the muddling of the plural and possessive.
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| 9 Jun 10, 9:10 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
Within a D/s or O&P relationship, I believe confidence and humility, integrity and grace are the qualities required by both parties. what we do is based on consent and arrogance and consent can be unwholesome bedfellows. Confidence and humility lead to quietness and stillness and strength - and are qualities greatly to be sought.
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | ||
| 9 Jun 10, 10:11 AM Top_Class UK(GU), 2 yrs |
The perception of someone else depends on the emotional place you're at. If you're feeling insecure then you'll see confidence as arrogance if your needs are not recognised by that someone else and picked up as confidence when your state is being seen. If however you're being arrogant then arrogance in someone dealing with you is likely to be seen as confidence! To make the point more easily ... think how difficult it is to laugh when you're feeling sad. It's reasonable to conclude that it's difficult to see confidence when your emotional state isn't sympathetically set towards it. "Fork handles?" "No, not 'fork handles' ... four candles." |
