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| Polka_Doll |
| (The id) is the dark, inaccessible part of our personality, what little we know of it we have learnt from our study of the dream-work and of the construction of neurotic symptoms, and most of this is of a negative character and can be described only as a contrast to the ego. We all approach the id with analogies: we call it a chaos, a cauldron full of seething excitations... It is filled with energy reaching it from the instincts, but it has no organisation, produces no collective will, but only a striving to bring about the satisfaction of the instinctual needs subject to the observance of the pleasure principle. |
Now, I won't go overboard with pseudo-intellectual ramblings or pretend that I have a deep psychological understanding of Freud and his perverted perusing, but I want to talk about the id. The libido. Rampant horniness. Mine in particular.
'A cauldron of seething excitations' seems to sum it up well; an unconscious presence in my life that makes itself known to me at random moments, sometimes inopportune, almost always uncontrollable. My libido lately has felt rampant. I've been eating, sleeping, breathing sex. Well, the desire for sex. It's been a few weeks since I last had sex, and my desire has become all encompassing. There have been moments where I have physically felt an aching, where I can think of literally nothing else. I've masturbated furiously, had dreams so deliciously vivid I've woken up thinking it was real, and experienced some of the darkest, dirtiest fantasies I've ever had. I'd got myself into such a state of heightened sexuality that I felt sure I had to satiate my desire soon before I was driven insane by the constant urge. In short, I was gagging for it. Or so I thought.
Yesterday, completely out of the blue, an ex-fling text me. We exchanged polite niceties and he soon was talking about how he wanted to come over, the things he wanted to do. And I felt nothing. It was nothing personal to him, he's a good looking guy, he has been a fun playmate in the past; I just really didn't fancy it. The beast of my libido was faced with it's prey and lost its appetite.
After this revelation I've been pondering on it more and more. Is the libido really such a separate entity? Can sexual longing exist on it's own or is it intrinsically connected to a person? To a specific desire? My moments of greatest sexual longing of late have occurred when I've been in close proximity of someone I'm massively attracted to, so is the libido on a sliding scale? Is it not really the lust for the act, but the lust for a specific person? I'm not hugely promiscuous though nor am I usually sexually closed off, I've always been quite animalistic in my sexual drive and I never imagined that my urge for sexual gratification would disappear when faced with someone else, something else.
What is it that truly drives sexual desire? Is it explainable? Quantifiable? Or is it 'a dark, inaccessible part of our personality' that can't be explained or controlled? I don't know, I don't expect I ever will. I'll get used to my frustration, my erratic desires. And ponder the idiocy of the id whilst eating frosting from the tub with a spoon….
Edited Sun 6 Jun 10, 11:19 PM by Polka_Doll
| 6 Jun 10, 10:50 PM kaleid0scope 6 yrs |
If you had the answer you would be rich for sure 
An interesting read, thank you If its fair your after, best you go nilla |
