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| relaxed1 |
on Tue 1 Jun 10, 9:32 PM to relaxed1's blog.
I have been mulling over, again, the ending of previous relationships. As I think I have written before, I have tortured myself to try to understand the reasons behind these, not least because I want to avoid repeating any mistakes.
But I have had a minor epiphany. It's not that I don't care, or that I may not have been at fault. It's that I don't need to know. Any fault of mine, I already know about. Whether the other person saw things differently is, frankly, outside of my control. For example, if someone says they are looking for a long-term relationship, but then pulls the plug because they object to my saying something that is consistent with my seeking a LTR, then it's confusing, but there really isn't a great deal I can do about it.
That I might feel that we were well-suited is only half of the equation – as my grandmother used to say “one hand cannot clap alone”.
Each relationship ended for different reasons, some of which were undoubtedly my doing, some were mutual misunderstanding and some – well, I will probably never know. And now I have concluded that I really don't need to know. It is 'nice' to know all of the whys and wherefores, but it doesn't add to the sum total of human knowledge.
True wisdom rests in that understanding, that there are some things that I might strive to understand, but there comes a point beyond which all there is to be achieved is self-flagellation. Some things don't need to be understood in order to be parked and left behind. The only thing that is necessary is the understanding that they are indeed part of the past – my past, my history, my learning process. Anything else is window-dressing.
| 1 Jun 10, 9:39 PM River_Deep UK, 6 yrs |
Fuck me! I have sent and deleted memos today because of this reason. Ok so it was not a full on relationship but my friend Tope became my voice of reason. I am about to go and delete the last one AGAIN! Thank you xx RD xx It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it | |
| 1 Jun 10, 10:22 PM Jacques_Pierre 2 yrs |
Personally I think there is something more to it. Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize that the other person was/is simply in the wrong, and that is the reason why you cannot expect to get any sense out of them. It can be difficult to recognize this because you have invested so much in the idea you have a decent relationship with them you can't believe they'd give such crap as they do. Jacques-Pierre | |
| 2 Jun 10, 12:17 AM Manson UK(M), 2 yrs |
This resonates with me right now. It makes perfect sense, but it is sometimes hard emotionally to reach that point of letting go of the need to understand (for me, anyway). Thanks for sharing your thoughts. As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. - Goethe. |
