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| Rapunzel |
on Mon 31 May 10, 5:08 PM to Rapunzel's blog.
When do you stop being a girl and start being a woman? 18? 21? 30?
Well – today I realised it's when you define yourself as a woman and not as a girl. When you realise that you can't get away with knee-socks in real life anymore and that they make you look a bit sad. When you suddenly see yourself in a classic pencil skirt and high heels and think – 'Wow, I look good in this'. When you drop gloss for lipstick, unless it's a party. When you realise that subtlety is better than showiness. When having an orgasm during play becomes mandatory and you don't mind asking for it. When you have paid off your student debts. When you (not in my specific case) have a baby. When you get married and settle down*. When you give a speech at a funeral of someone really close to you. When you realise that life doesn't have to be as desperately fast as it used to be and that it doesn't matter. When you put someone else before you. When you try and avoid crying, but when you do it's gut-wrenching and painful but you try and sob quietly in the loo and then repair your eyes and plaster a smile on your lips. When you admit you get things wrong. When you repair the breach not deepen it. When you learn not to be hasty or think you know everything. When you lose something deeply precious to you and think that it's the end of the world. When you realise you won't achieve everything you want to. When you stop minding about that. When you realise for the first time, that you are not invincible, that one day, you will die.
When you think of your death and what you want to do before it happens.
I think I've always been a little immature. I have, to quote a much better writer than me, rage, raged against the dying of the light. I didn't want to be older. I'm not even that old, I'm 30, not 330. But I have to acknowledge that now; I'm a woman, not a girl. I'm called Madam in shops and restaurants. I hardly ever get asked for ID. And for a long time, the last few years, this has been a source of sadness to me, like something in me has gone.
But now, I have realised that this isn't bad. Yes, I'm not a girl now, but there are plenty of things I prefer about being a woman. I have better sex. I don't blush madly when someone I fancy talks to me. I know I can be funny. I don't put up with any crap from guys. I argue and feel confident doing it. I can listen to unfashionable music and read trashy books and not care. Equally, I can read giant history tomes and not care. I listen to Radio 4. People talk to me as someone with a brain, not merely someone they'd like to fuck, although people still want to do that. I can still wear a school uniform. But my mentality, my responsibilities, my sadness and my secret regrets are all those of a woman. Someone who has lived. Someone who has loved. And someone who has lost. And most importantly, I have been and I am loved.
So today, I say and mean it. I am no longer a girl. I am a woman. I will not regret the passing of the girl, but instead welcome in the woman. And this poem will no longer make me cry, but make me smile with rueful knowledge….
'There is grey in your hair.
Young men no longer suddenly catch their breath
When you are passing;
But maybe some old gaffer mutters a blessing
Because it was your prayer
Recovered him upon the bed of death.
For your sole sake - that all heart's ache have known,
And given to others all heart's ache,
From meagre girlhood's putting on
Burdensome beauty - for your sole sake
Heaven has put away the stroke of her doom,
So great her portion in that peace you make
By merely walking in a room.
Your beauty can but leave among us
Vague memories, nothing but memories.'
**************************************************
*I suppose, officially, I've settled down. If someone in an open relationship ever can be.
Edited Mon 31 May 10, 5:12 PM by Rapunzel
| 31 May 10, 5:21 PM xXx_scarlet_xXx UK, 4 yrs |
When I was 27, a man handed me a poem he'd written about me. It started on about fish swimming round, went onto comments about time and ended with talk of him adoring the "embers of my youth". 27 I was!!!! Suffice to say, I didn't date him. (º•.¸(¨*•.¸¸.•*¨)¸.•º) «.•°•. Scarlet .•°•.» (¸.•º(¸.•¨**¨•.¸)º•.¸) |
| 31 May 10, 6:30 PM geoff917 UK(CO), 3 yrs |
I think your blog is so good! Mind you, is it sex when one goes from girl to woman....??? "In order to finish first, you must first finish".....Roger Penske |
| 31 May 10, 7:08 PM Subtle_Submission UK, 3 yrs |
Such a well written blog Rapunzel. Am about to hit another birthday and this resonates with me no end. I thihk there comes a time in life where there's a difference in mind set and you feel you don't have to chase or go at 100mph, when things just fit into place. When you actually learn lessons and took a telling, but also able to gave it back and feel confident about doing so. When you do what makes you happy and won't settle for 'this or that' which makes you UNhappy. When you can just enjoy life and be youself...what maketh the woman? We do, when we are truly at one with ourselves.
Edited 7 Jun 10, 12:57 AM by Subtle_Submission |
| 31 May 10, 7:19 PM Chiefwhip UK(NN), 7 yrs |
A truly thoughtful post. You certainly are a woman; and a very attractive one too. To Protect and Support, To Guide and Correct,
To Celebrate and Cherish, To Give Release.
"A Spanking Gentleman's Creed" |
