Posted by fawn4n on Wed 28 Jul 04, 4:34 PM to fawn4n's blog.
Well I couldnt do it dear friends, I got all the way to the gate and failed to climb the steps onto the plane. So with tears streaming down my face, my childrens faces and a lump in my throat so big I thought I would die I sent them on their way.
For the last week I have kept my head down and done my best not to verbally beat myself up too badly for the failure.
Now tomorrow I try again, I have booked the flight, I am being as calm as can be, unfortunately it isnt from a local airport and so requires a bit of a drive first but with help I can and will pull it off.
What is hard for people to understand is that it isnt the flight so much that is hard, it is the being away from home in a strange place for any period of time. I have more chance this time as it is now only for a week, but still I will miss my own bed, my safety zones and my Master.
I am only doing this for my kids, they are my life and to have let them down and shown such a poor example really makes me ashamed of myself and I know if I turn up at the resort tomorrow they will be so pleased it will make it all ok.
wish me luck dear friends I need it.
pathetic I may be to some but I will keep fighting.
love to my Dom as always
fawn{N} xxxx
Edited Wed 28 Jul 04, 4:40 PM by fawn4n
