Posted by NilSatisNisiOptimum
on Sun 16 May 10, 12:16 AM to NilSatisNisiOptimum's blog.
Another year passes by,no-one else is bothered at the significance as to what these next two days mean to me.I understand that i keep writing my thoughts down at the same time every year,but i feel the need to do so.
He would have been 20 today,how he was to turn out as a child then adult is open to mere conjecture and debate,but the only ones doing that are myself and his mother.The emotion has never gone away really,its just surpressed.You deal with it on a daily basis,just to get by one compartmentalises the thoughts.Its a constant burning question of how would my boys have got on together,i have my own ideologies about it.At this time of the year i cant help but reflect on past circumstances and how one reacts to situations that develop.My sadness is compunded this time of the year as his life was so short and brief.He touched us both in such a short space of time,he will never be forgotten.
I wrute this with pain in my heart and tears in my eyes,though i cant touch hear or feel you my son my heart and thoughts are always with you.
All my love Dad xxxxx
| 16 May 10, 12:30 AM rubberesque UK(W), 5 yrs  |
It's hard isn't it.... My older brother died in 1988 - will be 22 years this year and although he will now be gone longer than he was around I still think of him. In fact it's probably safe to say I obsess and wonder how my life would be different with him still in it. How he would somehow manage to make my life better. Unfortunately I will never know how my life would have been had he not died of cancer at the age of 17. I don't know if my parents would still be together. I don't know if I'd actually be happier, if my anger would be less... I am rather self destructive and know that I hold a lot of anger still, at him, at myself, at my parents, the doctors... Every year on his Birthday and the day he died I think of him, my mom wore black for nine years after his death, and categorically denied he was dead and that he was merely in college, in the US and that everything was alright. I spent those nine years crying in hiding. Unfortunately my mom managed to do all her grieving and yet the rest of us are still so very cut up about it. It wasn't a sudden death but it still affects me to this day. I hope you manage to find comfort soon, that it doesn't take quite the number of years it has taken me. If you wish to chat please feel free to memo me selenie xxx
Danke Schoen, darling Danke Schoen. Thank you for all the joy and pain. |
| 16 May 10, 7:28 AM xXx_scarlet_xXx UK, 4 yrs |
I remember your posts each year and I feel for you each time you write. ((((Hug)))) dawn x x x (º•.¸(¨*•.¸¸.•*¨)¸.•º) «.•°•. Scarlet .•°•.» (¸.•º(¸.•¨**¨•.¸)º•.¸) Edited 16 May 10, 7:35 AM by xXx_scarlet_xXx |
| 17 May 10, 6:48 PM mini_velvet UK(EH), 6 yrs |
I knew it was coming up for his day around now as it's Caitlin's anniversary on Wednesday. We never forget them. Much love to you and your son xxx I love the smell of sexual napalm in the morning. |
