Sanctity of collaring (95)

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

Possibly a question more for the Dominants to answer.

very happily Owned and Collared by Ms LacednLicked

The eye of the beholder does matter if O&People cannot be respected inside the BDSM or D/s community - then what likelihood there will be any respect accorded to any of us in the vanilla world.

I want to live my life freely and to be tolerated. I too "only need recognition in as far as it allows the freedom to express our relationships as we like". I disagree profoundly that we have that.

Best to you.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

In many cases a collar can be given or worn without any special significance.

On the other hand, when a collaring is performed, that should always be a permanent and significant action and not entered into lightly. A collaring should be equated with marriage, wearing a collar might be nothing more than a style thing or a practical thing.

RD xx

It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it
"Russian roulette is not the same without a gun and baby when its love, if it's not rough ,then it is not fun"

When the time came that our relationship shifted away from TPE to something a little less consuming, the collar was removed but I was no less his.

It is like a wedding ring in that respect, you are no less married just because you take your ring off, you are no more or less part of a kink relationship because of a peice of metal.

Its a symbol of comiitment between 2 people. Its as strong and as enduring as the comitment it represents, but ultimatley .. it's a bit of metal. Its the people who make it what it is.

T

There is no such thing as normal, only average. Who wants to be average?!

Edited 5 May 10, 8:29 PM by Triste

I said, by in large we have that. Not interested in debating the ins and outs of that one.

I don't see anyone here discriminating against or thinking negatively of people based on O&P status. They are definitely not doing that if they take a collar to mean something different to your idea of it. That's where we disagree. You seem to have a bit of a sensitive persecuted thing going on.

There is no contradiction in my points. You either willfully or not, fail to understand them. There is no one true way, only what works for the people concerned.

The difference between our positions is one of value judgement. I do not choose to think negatively of those who collar or get married. No matter at what point I think their relationship is at, or what style of relationship they have. They make their decisions, I make mine. They have to live with them, not me. You seem to take personal offence. Whereas I take the attitude that it has no effect on me or mine.

I could ascribe meaning to a permanent cock ring as a sign of ownership, or a tattoo, or a piercing, or a bifurcation of an eyelid. What it is doesn't really matter. Doesn't mean I would expect strangers to recognise or even respect it. That's the position a collar is at in the big bad wide world. In the BDSM world there's already a consensus.

Why bother worrying about what other people think it means?

I have to agree to disagree. I'd just be repeating my points in different language.

It's nothing personal. You seem like a nice guy.

Let's televise and broadcast the raping of kings.

In my view, collars worn by people are symbols of some form of ownership or possession of the wearer by the collar's owner. I would say that wearing a collar whilst not in someone's possession, eg for fashion reasons, is rather like buying yourself a wedding ring or a medal, for fashion reasons: it's unpleasantly inauthentic ie not doing what you say you're doing.

(The big exceptions are roleplay, where the whole point is that you're not doing what you appear to be doing ; and a collar and leash, where the collar is being used as a form of bondage rather than a symbol.)

However, "possession" is a big tent, and submissives can be in a dominant's possession (ie under their control, serving the dominant's purposes rather than just their own) for a limited time and for a limited scope of authority. I don't think there's anything inauthentic about using collars to mark those periods if it's all clearly stated.

That's sort of separate from the idea of "collaring", which usually involves the continuous wearing of a physical collar and the continuous possession that goes with it. This could be in the form of ownership and something comparable to marriage in the level of commitment, but it could also be equivalent to engagement or the decision to live together as vanilla measures of commitment.

What is very inauthentic and undignified, in my view, is to be handing out collars that proclaim eternal ownership of the current wearer ... every few months. Someone doing that is either remarkably unlucky; presenting hopes as intentions; or just using the symbolism to get relationships and kinky sex.

Regards,

Tanos

www.tanos.org.uk
O&P on IC: Possession. Ownership. Consent. Responsibility. Respect. House. Service. Dignity. Authenticity. Rituals.

Furthermore, is there some similar way of judging the worthiness of a dom for collaring a sub as there is for a sub to be collared? The concept of one's worthiness being decided upon by another person worries me a bit.

Perhaps we have already established many times over that the BDSM community is in fact not a community at all - we only agree on some things - often very few things, in fact.

If I accept to have a collar placed around my neck 5 hours after I met someone it is no-one's business but mine and the person who did it. It means to me what it means to me as it does to anyone else. Do we now also have collaring police along with safety police and who knows what else?

The freedom to do what one wants also applies to those who choose to do things differently. Who are we to judge what is and what is not acceptable? I deny anyone that right in my life - with one exception.

"I am just about at the end of my rope with you."
"Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it around your neck?"

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