How do people 'calm' their nerves? (12)

The nice lady with the whip.
Everyone has the right to be equal unless and until they choose to relinquish it.
We call it play but it isn't a game - it's people's lives.

Have you tried, or are you aware of, some of the methods involved in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy...?

Not to be confused with the other CBT.

They can be very effective in the treatment and diminishing of many forms of phobias, social anxiety and other psychological issues that cause unwanted intrusions to daily life. Give it a whirl or if you want more info then pm me. Loads of useful books on the market.

Work on convincing yourself of the truth; the other people don't know you are nervous AND they don't expect you to be.

Befriend someone and go to the event together.

Have an espresso, the caffeine will boost confidence.

Meditate everyday, it takes some tome for it to become effective. Meaning that you can't meditate only on the day of the event and expect to be the coolest of cucumbers.

Set manageable goals for social interaction (CBT). Which might require you to revisit socializing skills such as devising which questions to ask to engage conversation (remember too, people generally love to talk about themselves) and making all those noises which indicate interest in what the other person is saying, etc. The goals could be as simple or as complex as you like and could be about acquiring certain information from X number of people or sharing certain information with X number of people. Preparation is key and requires quite some time to do it properly. Have fun with this CBT, it's the ultimate in Role Play!

Try EMDR therapy to process past experiences which might have created the current anxiety. It's the damnedest thing, but extremely effective!

Use herbal therapy: Mild: Black horehound, borage, Roman chamomile, hyssop, lavender, red clover, lemon balm, cramp bark, black haw. Moderate: Mugwort, black cohosh, St. John's wort, motherwort, lobelia, chamomile, pasqueflower, skullcap, linden, damiana, vervain. Strong: California poppy, hops, wild lettuce, passionflower, Jamaica dogwood, valerian.

I've used Borage in the past and thought it was much stronger than "mild". Chamomile did/does nothing for me. Mugwort is ickiest thing on the planet. "Individual results may vary" and remember they can be just as strong as a synthetic remedy.

Read some books on negotiation or how to get people to trust you...any people skills book is full of interaction tips and tricks and quite often translate well into the BDSM dynamic.

And remember too, that you never know who else is just as nervous as you are! Appearances can be deceiving. . . I bank on that at every event! But then, I've successfully convinced myself that nobody expects a Sadist/Top/Bondage-Betty to be nervous, and therefore, no need for that pesky feeling to occur! But it creeps up on my from time to time...

Good luck. It can be overcome. Everyone's doin' it!

Perfect behavio(u)r is born of complete indifference.

i love what you say here because i too don't have the option of drink/drugs/smoke as a means of calming my nerves.

so, how do i calm my nerves? (and by crikey they can be pandamonuim at times!)

Well basically, i get more stressed with myself and the situation if i say something to myself like "calm down you twat, this is irrational and you're still being twat"

I find it far more helpful to say to myself "ok I'm nervous and there's not a lot I can do about that right now so I'm gonna use this energy and just throw myself into it because if I'm so fed up of staying at home and getting more and more pissed off with myself and the situation. I've had enough of it to the point that if i do get stressed and nervous then bloody fuck it coz I've had enough of avoiding what I know that I ultimately want to do"

I know this is stuff that can be easier said and done but take it from me, the more you get out there, the easier it does become (tis something I'm still currently working through myself)

best of luck with it!

Laura xx

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

I have similar thoughts to totallycoverme

If I get nervous I say to myself "Get a grip" or something along those lines because I know this is what I want to do

I just work through it, be brave and go for it

The first step is always the worst but it does get easier

Good luck

Edited 1 May 10, 8:38 PM by rocco_43

you sound like a completer tosser.

Dont look back in Anger....... Go forward in Fury.

I have one for situations of developing chaos that always holds me firm - 'its happening around me not to me, its happening around me not to me'.

I don't know what your's can be though. 'I am equal, I am equal' maybe, or 'I wear the skin of the lion and no one can hurt me now'...thats from some legend or folk tale but I can't recall the source.

Maybe just simply, 'I have nothing to fear, I have nothing to fear'.

For a chemical that is associated with irritability, nervousness and a host of anxiety disorders, I'm surprised you've suggested it in this context.

While some of your herbal suggestions sound sensible, there are a number which are distinctly suspect and the paucity of advice on contraindications, warnings and side effects doesn't help.

For example, St John's Wort/Hypericum perforatum is not going to act as an immediate aid to anxiety. It also has a massive range of drug interactions, is contraindicated in pregnancy and can precipitate mania in certain individuals.

Pasque flower is generally considered to be toxic, is it perhaps the homeopathic remedy pulsatilla that you are referring to?

And a fair number of the herbs you've listed have a strong sedative action, rendering them unsuitable for driving, etc. Even humble chamomile can be exceeding strong - it definitely shouldn't be in the 'mild' category.

So while I myself would also suggest certain herbs for relieving the type of anxiety/nervousness in the OP, it is best keeping the list small and providing more comprehensive detail for the uninitiated.

Gain some bad habits?

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