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Where do i go from here? (19)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

22 Apr 10, 4:03 PM
nipman6969
UK(M), 3 yrs

roadtramp69 wrote:
Where do i go from here?

I have been having a think about my options from where i am at right now. I want to move forwards from here but have a number of questions i would be pleased if You could answer for me. If i was to send a respectlve mail to a Domme on this site, would they read it? Would they consider what i have to say? Would they reply? Would they just delete it because they get so many that it gets tiresome?

My next option i am considering is going to a pro Domme to gain some kind of experience, is this a good idea?

I am also considering attending a munch but i am shy by nature, would anybody talk to me there? I know it probably depends on who the people are at that munch, but i have attended a munch before and felt somewhat left out of things.

And if i was to go to an event or play party, what is a male sub expected to wear?

I know that is a lot of questions for one post, but i would appreciate any help you can give me.

Thank You in advance for Your advice

i have been to see a number of pro dommes and all very good you should have no problems at all in the 20 or so years i have been seeing pro dommes i have had only 1 bad experience i have only just started going to the clubs in manchester after a relationship breakdown but found it and the people there fantastic i am shy and people noticed this and came over to say hi where basically what you want allthough no trainers and jeans i was told to wear black and as it was my first time just went casual mspeak to evi on here who helps run the kage in bury she made me completly at ease before i went and i had a fab night thanks evi

22 Apr 10, 4:14 PM
Sub_Perfetto
UK(BB), 3 yrs

Id defanatly say get yourself out and about, I found it really hard at first not really knowing anybody, but you will find most people are reallly friendly. I was in the same position just over 6 months ago and now Im very lucky to be owned by a fantastic Mistress who I would never of met if I haddn't of got from behind my computer and got out there. Go for it, you've got nothing to loose

so what if the voices in my head arnt reall, they have some gud ideas

22 Apr 10, 5:42 PM
roadtramp69
UK(M), 2 yrs

Lj_switch wrote:
keep asking questions, but read IC threads a lot, there is a lot of wisdom and advice already there (nd a lot of crap too *lol* )

I'm a bit unclear about your experience, you mention serving Mistresses on your profile but are thinking of going to a ProDomme to get some experience ? So which is it ? Talking to a friend a cople of days about people saying they had done stuff but when it came to actually beng faced with it, their total absence of that experience became obvious. Same with a conversation with a ProDomme friend a while back. Honesty really is the best policy. There's nothing wrong with saying you have no expereince, all of us were in that position once.

from my own experience, Munches are the first port of call. If you aren't made to feel welcome, go to another Munch. We make a point of encouraging newbies, but Ipswich is a bit far for you to travel !

Play parties are, again in my experience, a lot of fun. Usually there is no dress code as such, the one I regularly attend goes from naked to fetish to street, but guests are encouraged to make an effort. For me, clothes are easy, I cross-dress for play and can be in either sub or Dom role (being a switch) though in sub role I tend to lose them fairly early on...

To clarify the point of experience, i was a collared submissive 10 years ago, my lifestyle has been very vanilla since then, but i am looking to get back to my kinky side lol. Thank you for all advice and replies so far, i do appreciate it

22 Apr 10, 10:23 PM
roadtramp69
UK(M), 2 yrs

kinksmith wrote:
Id defanatly say get yourself out and about, I found it really hard at first not really knowing anybody, but you will find most people are reallly friendly. I was in the same position just over 6 months ago and now Im very lucky to be owned by a fantastic Mistress who I would never of met if I haddn't of got from behind my computer and got out there. Go for it, you've got nothing to loose

I just hope in 6 months time my story can be as happy as yours.

Heres to the future!

23 Apr 10, 11:12 PM
clubslut
UK(B), 4 yrs

mistresscherry wrote:

It's probably why I had to spend 3 hours responding to 200+ messages the other night, thank God for a typing speed of 45 words per minute. In fact maybe I should find a sub and dictate my response to messages in future.....

Sorry - I didn't realise I'd sent that many. Did you get any from anybody else?

If there's something you'd like to try, If there's something you'd like to try, Ask me I won't say no, how could I? - The Smiths

Edited 23 Apr 10, 11:13 PM by clubslut

24 Apr 10, 12:39 AM
CPeccavi
4 yrs

roadtramp69 wrote:
Thank you both for your comments, i am only asking questions this time because last time i tried to get into the scene i made a fool of myself by not asking questions. So this time i will make a fool of myself by asking silly questions lol

Which just goes to show that you can't please everyone so maybe you should go with the intention of enjoying yourself. Get to a munch, maybe one with a phone number with a meet and greet service, and say that you would like a bit of hand-holding. Your next one is the Midweek at Via his Tuesday, introdue yourself on the events thread so people know to look out for you, myself included. And remember, we were ALL new once.

I think everyone should like everybody ..... Andy Warhol

24 Apr 10, 12:43 AM
Rhubarb_Crumble
2 yrs

roadtramp69 wrote:
Where do i go from here?

My next option i am considering is going to a pro Domme to gain some kind of experience, is this a good idea?

And if i was to go to an event or play party, what is a male sub expected to wear?

I know that is a lot of questions for one post, but i would appreciate any help you can give me.

Thank You in advance for Your advice

Attend a Munch before you do any of your other options. Use your common sense, meet and talk to people at a Munch and get to know them.

Rhubarb

24 Apr 10, 1:56 AM
clubslut
UK(B), 4 yrs

roadtramp69 wrote:
Where do i go from here?

My next option i am considering is going to a pro Domme to gain some kind of experience, is this a good idea?

And if i was to go to an event or play party, what is a male sub expected to wear?

I know that is a lot of questions for one post, but i would appreciate any help you can give me.

Thank You in advance for Your advice

If the munch you went to before is still running, go back to the same one. I'm naturally quite shy at first, but I generally find that when I get to my second or third visit, many of the faces are familiar and its easier to relax and be myself.

I also find it helpful to overcome first night nerves by posting on the thread for the event to introcuce yourself to others, and by sending a few e-mails to people on the thread. That way, you always know someone when you get there.

Whether you go to a Pro Domme or not is up to you. I went to a couple of Pro Dommes many years ago. It was OK and I loved it at the time, but I'm getting so much more out of attending events.

Regarding clothing - what do you want to wear? I just wear a y-harness, backless briefs, and cuffs. It's practical as it means there is always plenty of bare flesh on display ready to be flogged. It also means that I can show off any damage with zero effort There's generally no hard and fast rules though, as long as it fits in with any dress code. If it's a bit kinky and you like it, then wear it as it's unlikely that you'll be out of place.

I don't know the Manchester scene at all, but if it's anything like Birmingham, you'll probably get some of the same faces at different munches and events. Soon enough, nerves won't play a part as you will know loads of people there, and it will be just like going to meet some mates at a pub - which is basically what most munches are anyway.

If you make a few friends at the muches you attend, they can help you with advice about what events would be good for you.

In summary:

Go to some munches

Go to some more munches

Ask people for help and advice and listen to what they say

Always prepare beforehand by posting on the forums and sending memos

Relax

Enjoy

Chat

Be happy - life's good

If there's something you'd like to try, If there's something you'd like to try, Ask me I won't say no, how could I? - The Smiths

24 Apr 10, 12:45 PM
ladydreams
UK(CR), 3 yrs

roadtramp69 wrote:
Where do i go from here?

And if i was to go to an event or play party, what is a male sub expected to wear?

I know that is a lot of questions for one post, but i would appreciate any help you can give me.

Thank You in advance for Your advice

I can empathise with you, i am new to this lifestyle and have felt very lonely and a little vunerable as again like you i am very shy. i recently attended a munch - very apprehensively in a local wine bar so normal clothes were worn. thank god as i am sure i would have bottled out! i felt an idiot approaching and introducing myself very clumsily and felt extremely out of it. But, after my second glass of wine and the friendliness of the company i relaxed. i cannot describe the feelings of acceptance it has now given me and courage to go forward i do not feel so isolated now and look forward to one day attending a club.

after all this waffle what i am really trying to say is take a deep breathe and go to the munch i think it will be worth it and if not try another but i do wish you good luck