This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Wed 21 Apr 10, 12:49 PM BoundDolly 2 yrs  |
I have been trawling through the discussion boards and have seen lots of threads on what it means to be a good sub, how to behave as a sub and what qualities you should possess in order to become the 'perfect' sub. However, there aren't very many threads (from what I have seen) on what qualities subs look for in their Doms. This could be for several reasons, most of which would, I assume, are directly as a result of the D/s relationship dynamic. (I might be made a pariah for evern suggesting this thread)!
I am, however, interested in what qualities fellow subs look for in their Doms and whether there are any overlaps. It might be that like vanilla relationships, it is very much a case of each to their own. Nevertheless, and due to my curiosity/ nosey-ness (not a word but you get the gist), be nice to know what others look for xxx “Passion is a positive obsession. Obsession is a negative passion.” | |
| 21 Apr 10, 1:12 PM DrMajolica UK(NR), 6 yrs  |
I've just been having a Big Think about this very thing. (Am I allowed to post, I'm not a sub.... ) For me, BDSM is about a deeper connection than is achieveable within a vanilla relationship, because it accomodates things that a 'nilla relationship wont. Therefore its about another PERSON, and we're all so diverse, that for example, if two people like a Daddy dyamic, there will be lots of aspects within that single facet, that could make them both think "oooh!", or "yuk".. Whilst there might be broad qualities that might be generally desirable, I think its likely there'll be some sort of Universal Truth, and what really counts is the interaction between two people. I think too much, therefore I am a bit of a twat. | |
| 21 Apr 10, 2:42 PM Mistress_Avralivia UK(RG), 4 yrs £ |
I personally think dom/mes should ideally be: Intelligent Caring Emotionally intelligent Good with human psychology Have a sense of humour Be articulate Empathic to a certain extent Good at reading body language As well as the usuals such as sadistic, good with hitty things and good fun! ETA: Imagination! Hugely important I think. Senno Ekto Gamat Edited 21 Apr 10, 4:47 PM by Mistress_Avralivia | |
| 21 Apr 10, 2:48 PM Mr_Worm UK(BN), 5 yrs     |
You want what ? You want a face like a plasterer's radio | |
| 21 Apr 10, 2:54 PM servileboy UK(PA), 3 yrs |
This might sound stroppy, but, when I find my Mistress(if?) she will have to be. Inteligent, strict, respectful, nurturing, encouraging, well spoken, adventurous, experienced, lovely... ...and a total cast iron bitch,sometimes. | |
| 21 Apr 10, 3:11 PM LadyAliana UK(B), 2 yrs £ |
When I meet people at clubs etc , many will say or write and tell me how sweet and gentle and kind I am. They then watch me play and can't believe what a total sadistic bitch I can be.
I do take my job as a Domme seriously though and make sure my sub is comfortable and enjoying what's going on .
Never judge a book by it's cover ........ Proud owner of SLRN 158-926-907 | |
| 21 Apr 10, 6:07 PM zigzag12 UK(E), 5 yrs |
To answer the title of the post directly of 'what it means to be a Dom', from My view point as a Dominant there has to be love present between both dynamics in order for Me to Dominate fully, otherwise for Me it is not D/s how I percieve it. A parallel being in many cases a sub or slave has to feel the emotional bond too in order to submit fully perhaps..? Then everything within the relationship and the dynamic will just flow naturally between Uus.
For Me, it also means to take responsibility and behave responsibily, to ensure clear communication and understanding, lots of humour expressed and shared, being Myself in every way, a good listener, a psychologist, being open and honest about My feelings, empathetic, sweet, affectionate and caring, much more too but that will do for now Peace Zig
those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter | |
| 22 Apr 10, 9:49 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs     |
My first isn't meant as a hijack, but it may not be particularly useful to the thread, because I think the FP wants to know what subs expect of their Ds. But for me, what it means to be a Dom is to feel entire, with nothing missing. And that's it. The following may be more useful to the thread. It is, of course, my personal opinion and represents what I would expect. It does not imply any other approach is wrong for the people involved. I don't believe a sub should expect anything of her Dom. to do so would be not to offer her submission, but to control and shape the relationship - which I would think she would be unhappy to do. Her role would be to express her joy in the relationship through her service and her determination to be the best she can be for him. The Dom's role is to make her feel fully alive and exulted (maybe even exalted) through his domination. Much discussion and "courtship" might be required before an O&Pair could begin to believe in eachother and let this happen, and understanding is at the core of it all. But, for a sub to expect anything is just wrong. Just my view. Best to all. As to the qualities of a D - Avrilivia has covered it all. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) Edited 22 Apr 10, 9:50 AM by Belasarius | |
| 6 May 10, 10:06 PM Smthinginurmouth UK(B), 2 yrs |
I'm a real switch. It means that I Sub only to my only Sir, Lord, Master and boyfriend. I'm a very sadistic Domme towards everyone else. I'm a natural Domme as my adores Sir. We both believe that a Domme has to crabe the power over their Sub, meanwhile being safe, sane and consensual. There is Dom space as much as Sub space what I believe a Dom should release just after they make sure that their Sub is safe. What all the others said, I think they all right. But let's not forget the main thing. A Dom/Domme has to be in Control. I think they never loose control, ever! | |
| 6 May 10, 10:20 PM strongarm CH, 5 yrs |
Being a true dom means anything the dom wants it to mean. You may or may not find a submissive who finds your interpretation attractive to them, but that is a separate issue. Be yourself. My way or the highway, etc, etc. | |
| 6 May 10, 10:45 PM violett UK(SN), 2 yrs |
I look for someone who can see the real me, not the facade I often adopt. I look for someone who isn't afraid to listen to what I have to say and discuss in a respectful way. I look for someone who accepts me for who and what I am and only wants to improve on the many imperfections I know I have not try to change me completely. I need someone who is stronger than I am mentally and I guess physically too. I need someone who won't take any crap from me and will push me to my limits and beyond. I want someone who won't be a bully do to that though, and instead do it by love and my fear of disappointing or upsetting him. I need someone I can't walk all over to get my own way, especially when it is not good for me. I need someone I can trust implicitly, someone who will always be honest with me, someone loyal and who will not cheat on me or betray me, someone who will trust me in return. I want someone who can reach the submissive part of me without even trying. Someone who is not arrogant or expects me to submit just because he 'claims' he is Dominant, but wants me to submit to him because I want to. I need someone who can make me laugh and smile. Someone who makes me feel good and more confident, someone I can share 'nilla' times with too not just BDSM times. He needs to be confident in himself and his abilities and yet admit to his faults and flaws. I need someone I can be proud to serve and I have him. I will never cower before any Master Nor bend to any threat |
